Sub/Dom relationship? (not purely sexual)

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Do you think it's completely demeaning for me to be in a relationship where my boyfriend can 'punish' or 'discipline' me if i do things wrong?
I don't mean in a sexual kinky way, but more in a serious issue way.
For example, if i took drugs on occasion.

Is this wrong? Or is it okay?

I've already replied on your other thread, saying I don't think he should be punishing you.

What kind of punishment is he talking about?

And yes, I do think it's demeaning. If he has problems with aspects of your lifestyle or behaviour then that's something you have to talk about and either come to some kind of agreement or compromise, or end the relationship.

We have tried to talk about it, lots of times. And I tell him i'll try not to do it anymore. But, i just can't help myself, i'm not very good at doing what people tell me. :/

& i don't know exactly, non-sexual spanking and such.

If you "just can't help yourself," then no amount of physical punishment (or "discipline," as some would call it) would change a thing. A more productive solution would be to realize that your boyfriend won't be there forever and to actually learn to develop self-control.

I don't agree with Sub/Dom relationship, especially if the people involved are fairly young. And please excuse me for saying this, but I think people who don't know how to be in charge of themselves shouldn't be in any kind of relationship at all.

Then it doesn't sound like you make a good sub, if you're really talking BDSM as opposed to abuse.

Yes.

I would kill to be so lucky as to be in a relationship like that, it is actually something I strive to achieve.

But that's me.

It is a conscious decision on my part and something I have spent the better part of all my 27 years thinking about, analyzing and coming to terms with.

But again, that's ME.

If YOU feel okay with it, if you generally agree with and respect your boyfriends judgement skills and if NOTHING about it feels abusive to you and you don't fear it COULD become abusive, there is nothing wrong with it.

I might very well be biased, but that's just how it is.

Personally, if I was in the relationship I want and I did something, like say drive drunk (check) or smoke weed (check) it would be tons worse if he didn't care or just cared somewhat, than if he wasted no time in putting me over his knee and proceeded to spank the snot outta me....

But that's just me....

I agree with Fluke83. The question is whether this is what you want or whether you are in it against your will. It's not clear to me. Is it clear to you? That is not meant to be snarky, but a genuine question.

if you are not a child, you should not be punished like a child. it sort of sounds like you want to misbehave and have your boyfriend punish you. i understand sexual 'punishment' (like BDSM), but not actual relationship punishment.

if you are having trouble with using drugs, then fix that problem. it isn't your boyfriend's responsibility to babysit you or take care of you like a child - it is your own responsibility to care for yourself. if you are actually unable to care for yourself, seek help from the state. seriously.

if you don't see the drugs as a problem, then drop the boyfriend who wants to dominate you and find one that accepts your self-destructive behaviour.

it is not a functional adult relationship if there is a fundamental unequal distribution of power. power structures fluctuate in a relationship, but if there is such an imbalance that one partner feels responsble for punishing the other like a child, it is no longer a healthy relationship.

sorry, i can't think of a nice way to say any of it.

There as many ways to handle a relationship as there are relationships...

I know it's a bit of a cliché saying, but it is something along the lines of "if you've met one aspie, you've met ONE aspie"

Same goes for relationships.

As I said, I might be a bit biased about the specific topics the OP raises since it hit so close to home for me, but what I really want to stress is that as long as both parties are happy and functioning, as long as it works for THEM, it really doesn't matter what sort of relationship dynamic they have.

An added risk when it comes to D/s and BDSM is to be able to recognise when things are venturing towards the unhealthy, unsafe and downright illegal.
Most people in D/s and BDSM relationships doesn't walk too close to those particular lines, but damn if it isn't a tricky subject, especially if your judgment skills aren't 100%.

Most people practice SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual) or for the somewhat harder players; RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink). They basically mean the same, but the wording of RACK opens for more risky stuff than SSC.....

Again, I digress, but my point is... Do what works for you, whatever that is, as long as it's SAFE and CONSENSUAL.

I might not have said all I should have about this topic, but it has been so ingrained in me for so many years that I might have left out information that I personally take for granted, I hope that is not the case, and urge anyone to research, research, research before delving into something like this...

Well, I don't see anything wrong with patriarchy in regards to the family. I will say though, that "discipline" probably is not acceptable in regards to a husband/wife or girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, as women are not children, and hence, should not be treated as such (it is one thing to have authority over somebody, but it is something else entirely to treat them like a three-year-old when they are adults). The purpose of having a male as the leader is because he is supposed to act as protector and provider, although that does not mean a woman has a right to take advantage of him providing for her needs and mistreat him. Submission is a voluntary response to loving nurture and guidance, it is not slavery or inferiority in any way. Women are equal to men and should be treated with care and respect, not humiliated or degraded by their partners, it is not demeaning for you to be in that kind of relationship as long as there is no abuse of authority (which, by the way, does have its limits, your partner is not God!).

It's no longer an issue for us.

If you are the kind of person into abuse I think it is fine but I think if you don't like it you should leave him.

I don't thnk he should be punishing you - you are an adult.

He should be supporting you if you are taking hard drugs (even once in a while) to look at maybe not doing. You would have to want to stop for your own self though.

He should be explaining how it feels for him when you takes drugs and deciding if he wants to stay with you if you choose to carry on rather than punish you.

He only punishes me in the fun way
we decided this is more fun for us, and over serious things - we talk about them like adults.

that's cool! glad to read you two settled on that.