It's said most girls with AS don't do girly things? Your op?

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It's said most girls with AS don't do girly things? What is your opinion/experience?

There was supposed to be an option for 1-3 products on special occasions but this is my first time using the poll.

My 11 year old AS daughter is so ungirly -
She gets very embarrassed by compliments about her appearance. Refuses to try playing makeup, hates perfume, thinks shortish skirts are cheap and don't even get me started on what she thinks about Twilight, Hannah Montana etc etc...
Prefers to wear unflattering clothes with her hair covering her face - a bit like the daughter in the film The Incredibles - its almost like she wants to disappear too?. I don't want to make her uncomfortable so won't push the issue and will let her wear what she wants (so long as its tidy). I think alot of it is down to sensory issues??
BTW She has been having meltdowns lately about how much she hates growing up, having boobs, being a girl, being a girl with aspergers etc. I am being as supportive as I can and we'll get through the teenage years together (hopefully)
Not sure if she will ever be a girly girl? But so long as she is happy thats all that matters.

I quite like doing my make-up and getting a bit dressed up for a special occasion...if I think the end product is alright. I'm really bad at doing my make-up because I don't understand which colours go well together, and also I am really clumsy so I often mess up my eye make-up and have to re-do it. The worst is poking myself in the eye with a mascara wand...that has to be in the top 5 most painful things I've ever experienced, and I've done it multiple times too, ouch!

However, usually I don't bother with make-up. I can't really be bothered, it just feels like a waste of time, as I don't enjoy it unless I'm going out for a special occasion...I think maybe it's because over time it has sort of built into my 'special occasion' routine to do my make-up, but I've excluded it from my 'every day' routine because of not having enough time in the mornings (I get up at about 7.50 am and have to leave the house for school about 8.25 am xD). So, this means that I don't bother with make-up on weekends either, despite waking up later.

I didn't start wearing a full face of make-up (for a special occasion) until I was...15 and a half at the very least, if not closer to the age of 16, and like I say, that was (and still is) only for special occasions. Where I live that is not the norm at all. Most girls here started wearing a full face up make-up almost every day (including for school) at about the age of 13. I could probably count the number of girls in my year who wear no make-up for school on one hand!

The one thing that I don't understand about make-up is why some girls(/women) wear so much foundation and/or concealer etc when they have perfect skin...why do they do that?! Surely it just makes their skin worse, putting all that crap on it? I have baaad skin and I don't bother usually because I have eczema and foundation and stuff can make my skin itchy and more sore in the long-term, so it's reserved only for special occasions too (if I even bother then!).

This is, word-for-word, exactly what I was like at age 11. I didn't get compliments about my appearance, but wouldn't have wanted them if I had. I refused make-up, perfume, skirts or dresses of ANY kind, or even snug clothing. I wanted things loose (partially sensory, but also in large part because I didn't want people to be able to "see" my body or its shape); I wanted to wear pants and T-shirts or collared shirts. And I hated the television shows and music and styles and fads that girls my age loved. I even had the same meltdowns you describe in your daughter (growing up, body shape changing and so on - not the AS thing because I wasn't diagnosed at that point).

You're being brilliant by letting her do as she likes style-wise and by supporting her when things are difficult. That's what I would have desperately wanted when I was in the same situation. And she'll grow into herself eventually. It might take time, or it might take some new friends, but the confidence and comfort will come, at least to some degree. I'm still far more shy (both in general and about myself and my body) than the average person, and I still deny or avoid compliments, but it's better than ever, and I'm coming along.

(I still wear NO make-up, perfume or hair-care products (well, other than shampoo and conditioner, of course), and I still avoid skirts and dresses like the plague (I own one dress as a just-in-case, but have never worn it other than when it was purchased). My uniform of choice is jeans, collared shirt and Converse (think Doctor Who), but I wear more close-fitting clothing now and am happy wearing it.)

I wish you both the best of luck!

Sounds like me.. Except I wore nice looking clothes, because I wanted to blend in.


I started wearing mascara and eyeliner when I was 15, mostly because my eyes are slightly different, and it's more obvious if i not wear mascara.

I'm still not a girly girl, but I'm more sure of myself, and not so shy. Honestly, some girly girls give me the creeps...
Still, I prefer people not noticing me, not commenting on me, or give me compliments. I tend to still have my hair covering parts of my face...

I kind of found my style now. I wear converse, dark skinny jeans, tank-tops and oversized t-skirts. I wear make-up almost every day, but just a small amount, mascara and eyeliner.


I don't think she'll ever be a girly girl. But hopefully she will feel more comfortable and secure when she gets older, and not be so shy about people noticing her.

Society expects girls to be a certain way, and if you don't fit the stereotype people will see you as not being a ''real girl''. Growing up i never fitted into the ''girly'' girl role and was told that i had to become a ''real girl'' if i wanted to count as a woman. It's like i don't have the right to call myself a woman, just because i am me. It's like society is taking away young womens female identity if they don't fit the stereotype. Taking away someones identity is an awful thing to do.

I don't wear make-up, i like looking natural. I don't mind other people wearing make-up, but it's just not my thing.

Also, AS girls can be ''girly''. But yes, AS girls tend to be tomboyish more often than NT girls.

I've never been very girly. I live in jeans and T-shirts, wear my hair long and straight (and don't color my gray), have my nails clipped short and unpolished (I actually can't stand the feeling of having long nails), and only wear a little bit of cover-up, mascara and lip gloss if I'm going out.

However, if I'm going to a wedding or something, I do clean up pretty good. I own a couple dresses for those occasions. (But I don't do high heels! I can't walk in them.)

What's funny is that my 18-year-old daughter is extremely girly, and always has been. She sometimes stops me from leaving the house if I'm wearing something really sloppy, like ripped sweatpants or something. She also does my hair for special occasions, because I have no clue how to operate a curling iron or straightener.

There are other girly things I can't do either. I have no eye for decorating, for instance. If it wasn't for my daughter, my house would look like a bachelor pad. At 6, she could arrange objects on a table in a more visually pleasing way than I could, LOL. And I hate shopping. I only go clothes shopping if the previous item has fallen apart. I find the whole process incredibly tedious.

"Girly things" being synonymous with "obsessing about looks"?

I wear long ankle length skirts and long sleeved shirts-
I'm uncomfortable with my (very large) shape being obvious.

I don't wear makeup, or shave.
My hair's usually up in a bun.

I don't use any "products",
except when I wash my hair every few days,
and wear deodorant.

I like to think I come off as just a conservative religious woman,
as opposed to a feminist Aspie who can't be bothered,
but I'm probably just seen as weird.

I don't think I'm super "girly" but I don't know if that has to do with being an aspie or if it's just because that's the way I am. I''m not super girly in the sense that I don't really fuss over my hair, I rarely wear make-up (and I if do, it's just eyeliner.) I also mostly wear boys jeans and such. But I don't think I'm a "tom boy" per say, because I'm not really into sports, and I still like girly movies. I just think I'm in the middle.

I can only speak for myself. I'm not girly at all and I do very few girly things.

I don't wear make up. I dress comfortably and don't care about fashion and such. I keep my hairstyle very simple and low maintenance. I'm not interested in things that most women are interested in and what I am interested in is usually very uninteresting to most other females. My personality is very different from most females I've ever met.

I don't fit the female gender role or stereotypes much at all. I don't really fit either gender that well, but I feel like I'm more similar to guys than girls and I think of myself as a guy most of the time even though I'm technically a woman.

I do wear make up, but resisted it for a long time. Took forever to learn enough coordination....still have moments when things go wrong, esp with mascara. I sometimes end up with it in places other than my eye lashes which means I have to start over.

I still can't do anything with my hair other than wash it, dry it, or flat iron it. Just using a hair dryer or the flat iron tires me out from lack of coordination. I don't know how some people can make their hair look so good in a short amount of time. I've tried all kinds of things, but I get bored & lose interest before I can master them.

I much prefer loose fitting jeans, t-shirts, hoodies, & either birkenstocks or ugg boots to anything else. I chalk it up to sensory issues. Plus I always heard how ugly/unattractive I was, so I never developed confidence in my appearance to wear form fitting clothes. I also hated puberty & all the physical changes that went with it. My mom used to get really bothered by the fact that I wasn't girly. But it's not who I am. To this day I wish I didn't have boobs.

Last edited by tomboy4good on 09 Jan 2011, 7:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I wear tight clothing, high heeled shoes, that doesn't mean that i'm a prostitute.

I am a somehwat self-conscious about my looks since I am getting older...so I tend to wear moisturizer, lipstick and powder..and eyeliner

I don't own any makeup, I cut my own hair, and I don't shave my legs. I always wear fleece pants and fleece sweaters. So no I am not girly at all. But I don't think I look bad, frankly.

I said "only certain occasions" (or whatever that option was) but that doesn't really describe me accurately. I go through phases of wearing makeup every day, and I wear more than 3 products. The majority of the time I don't wear makeup, though, Unless I'm crammed for time, I'll wear more than three things...that's mostly made up by different kinds of eye makeup. I used to be pretty into makeup...checked out books at the library on how to do it right, wanted to be a makeup artist for a short while. But now I just do it to look nicer cause I'm around people a lot more.