cameleon like?
Is it true that many aspie girls go around imitaing other people constantly? Cause I dont, its something I found that nearly impossible. Sure Ive picked up some personality traits here and there from people in attempts to improve myself but I could never just downright copy someone. Admittedly, if I could I would've in all my eager past attempts to fit in.
I keep reading that about aspie girls. I started reading the Aspergirls book and while I think its really really good so far, theres 1 thing that doesnt make sense. She talks about aspie girls imitating other people but then she also talks about how aspies girls often arent accepted by others. So I question, if aspie girls are busy copying the people around them and constantly putting on an act then most people wouldnt really know who we are therefore people are accepting us for the person we portray? So why is she discussing us being outcasts. Admittedly, she probably interviewed many aspie girls and she was trying to capture us on the whole, not all aspie girls are the same. Some of us are cameleon like while others of us find this practically impossible.
I keep reading that about aspie girls. I started reading the Aspergirls book and while I think its really really good so far, theres 1 thing that doesnt make sense. She talks about aspie girls imitating other people but then she also talks about how aspies girls often arent accepted by others. So I question, if aspie girls are busy copying the people around them and constantly putting on an act then most people wouldnt really know who we are therefore people are accepting us for the person we portray? So why is she discussing us being outcasts. Admittedly, she probably interviewed many aspie girls and she was trying to capture us on the whole, not all aspie girls are the same. Some of us are cameleon like while others of us find this practically impossible.
I did not fit this portrait of a girl with AS. As I have previously stated, I was no different than most boys with AS, though I did not have aggression issues.
When I was in my late teens/early 20's I decided I had to make some changes to my image to achieve some things I had wanted in life, and while I didn't mimic any one individual, I slowly adapted my clothing style to be more typical of the average young woman and worked at improving my mannerisms and social interactions.
So to the end of style and mannerisms there is some general degree of forced mimicry, however this is not the same type of mimicry most NT's perform, as I am always sincere in my dealings with others. It was just a matter of properly expressing myself in a socially acceptable way.
I tend to mimic people I'm close to. Which means I'm mimicking effeminate males .
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Ai Ling - it is downright exhausting to maintain, and I think I do a horrible job of it most likely! I've become a lot more like you as time goes on and just letting myself default to my "real" interactional style, which I guess is speaking without much inflection (unless I'm truly excited about something) and not trying to smile on cue (which by the way I was never actually successful at. My "on cue" smile looks pained), and saying weird stuff whether I think the other person will get it or not.
Then again sometimes there are people you do feel you need to make a good impression on for whatever reason, and it is kind of torture each further minute and then hour you have to try to say the right things and smile at the right times and maintain normal-seeming eye contact with them. However nice they are and however much I like them.
As I've gotten older I've realized I mimic other people quite often, but it's usually not intentional. People misinterpret it as me changing my personality to fit in with whoever I'm hanging out with.
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Then again sometimes there are people you do feel you need to make a good impression on for whatever reason, and it is kind of torture each further minute and then hour you have to try to say the right things and smile at the right times and maintain normal-seeming eye contact with them. However nice they are and however much I like them.
Im not sure if Im taking this copying people thing too literally. As Ive grown older, I've learn what people want from me. I dont downright copy people, I just tweek myself here and there to give the reactions people expect but I gotta be energized and in the right mood. If Im depressed or tired, it all falls apart.For instance, I was watching a movie with a friend once, I was getting sick and tired due to some stomach problems, all my social abilities went out the window, I couldnt coherently communicate. And I sometimes hangout with these "girls" who Ive gotten tired hanging out with. By now, I know all the superficial pleasantries in how to interact with them, Ive formed "rules" in my head on what to do that will "please" them. If Im not in the mood to uphold my "rules", I simply stay quiet. But to me thats not being a cameleon, thats just tweeking your persona and interactions, I figure NTs do it all the time.
You know how people starting picking up other peoples accents when they move... like a New York starting to pick up that southern drawl after moving to Georgia. I think that sort of cultural assimilation is normal and I don't think anyone realizes they do it or that is is happening to others around them.
I know I've parroted people - when they say something that strikes me funny or their mannerisms strike me odd... I would just parrot it. Not good, I know. I think I've gotten that one beat though.
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I mimic people I'm around, although I started in my early 20s. In my teens I did my best to be invisible.
I definitely tailored my behavior based on the groups I was around, and I always watch any social situation for a time before I start to interact with anyone in it.
I also pick up phrases and mannerisms from other people, and some have stuck around for years. I picked one up last weekend that only lasted for a few days, but I've got a couple I picked up from a friend in 2003 that I still do fairly regularly.
Recently, I've found it much harder to do this. I think it has to do with two months of near-constant overload-to-the-point-of-shutdown. I can do it around one or two people but larger groups are overwhelming. However, it made socializing with those groups pretty exhausting before, and I find I have more energy all the time since I'm not putting much - if any - to trying to fit in anywhere.
This was actually one of the traits that suggested to me that I'm autistic.
I definitely tailored my behavior based on the groups I was around, and I always watch any social situation for a time before I start to interact with anyone in it.
I also pick up phrases and mannerisms from other people, and some have stuck around for years. I picked one up last weekend that only lasted for a few days, but I've got a couple I picked up from a friend in 2003 that I still do fairly regularly.
I guess I never knew what the professionals meant by that? Maybe I somewhat of a cameleon but not a good one by any means. I find myself picking up certain peoples mannerisms whom I like and Im more looser around them. Around people whom I dont like as much I just suppress aspects about myself. I act differently around certain people then others. But I was always convinced that NTs do this which confuses me?
Sure this isnt good for the aspie to lack their sense of identity. Wouldnt the NT population want us to do this to assimulate into society?
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I don't think I'm that good, and I think the whole thing wears thin quickly - something Rudy Simone also says (she says about 20 minutes, I'm not sure I can pull it off that long outside of an interest or purpose-driven interaction).
I have no idea what NTs do. I thought everything I did was normal, but that misconception's been working its way out of my brain for months now. I don't know what professionals mean by it.
I don't know if lacking a sense of identity is a good or bad thing, healthy or unhealthy. I don't think trying to front as NT all the time was good or healthy for me however, and it cost me enough energy I didn't have anything left over for myself. NT society probably does want that - I think "acting NT" is the goal of many interventions taken with autistic children.
I have no idea what NTs do. I thought everything I did was normal, but that misconception's been working its way out of my brain for months now. I don't know what professionals mean by it.
I don't know if lacking a sense of identity is a good or bad thing, healthy or unhealthy. I don't think trying to front as NT all the time was good or healthy for me however, and it cost me enough energy I didn't have anything left over for myself. NT society probably does want that - I think "acting NT" is the goal of many interventions taken with autistic children.
True this the "act" does wear us out and it probably isnt good for us. Im mostly thinking that while NTs dont like to think that they want us to put on this normal "act", in the end they do. I had a friend who was trying to "guide" me supposidely. In reality she was trying to make me into something more acceptable for society. After some heated conversations with her, I intepretted her messages as saying, if you cant change then you should put on an "act" to be accepted. Even tho she saw her intentions as good, she hurt me for multiple reasons. I dont think she ever understood why she hurt me when she saw what she was doing as good.
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I think to them they don't see it as an act. To them NT behavior means NT thoughts. And I think to some extent they may see cognitive differences as a matter of choosing to see things one way over another.
So if you talk and move like them, that's what they care about, even though it can be pretty exhausting or even painful to talk and move like that. To them, the appearance reflects the reality, at least in this regard.
Sympathies, though. My ex tried to do the same thing with me (and I feel like it was part of the overall abusive pattern in that relationship, even though her motives for it may have been different. I don't know, I feel in her case it was motivated by contempt for the way I was). A roommate prior to that relationship also tried similar, and was obviously adversarial about it - she made it clear she found my ways annoying and felt I was doing all kinds of things wrong. That's around the time I started actually trying to work out an NT-like front, I think.
So if you talk and move like them, that's what they care about, even though it can be pretty exhausting or even painful to talk and move like that. To them, the appearance reflects the reality, at least in this regard.
Yeah I never really viewed things in that way. Even tho she knew I was aspie like every1 else, she didnt understand what that really meant. Even for NTs that do have some understanding of what aspergers entails, they simply assume social naivety and thats mostly it. Its more then that, we think and view the world differently which makes things harder then majority of the population. The aspergirls book helped me realize that.
This past yr I was able to master so much "social skills" and I learned how to put on a NT front in most situations. Im able to read nonverbal cues well enough, showing nonverbals is still a tad lacking tho. My social circle grew drastically with having more friends and acquintances then Ive ever had in the past. Yet I was still having problems.
My friend probably thought that I was just socially naive not that I saw a lot of the things in this world and I just dont agree with majority of them.