Offensive things keep spilling out of my mouth

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Does this happen to other people, when dealing with other girls, you'll say the smallest thing and they take it offensively and you explain yourself and there still hurt? I hate it, it gets really annoying, thats why I most female friends dont last. I just offended my friend by saying she was "not on top of things" then I explained to her that Im super on top of things and I dont really know for sure considering that I havent worked with her very much. To me: a lot of people arent on top of things. I swear it was soo small. Its so fustrating. I try so hard.

Something I struggle with, and kind of the zen of it all, do you think you sometimes try too hard?

I have watched neurotypical people 'play the dozens,' goodnaturedly trade insults. And when I have tried to do it, it hasn't worked out well, and I think I know why.

My skills are patchy, and with me, it's too real. It's not like two people about the same level joking with each other. For example, I understand probability very well, and so if I'm joking with someone, it's not goodnatured. It's not going to be perceived by them as goodnatured because I am a whole lot better than them, on this particular thing. And similarly, some of my patchy areas, I'm a whole lot less experienced. It's just a higher stakes thing.

^yeah when I've sorta developed the skill to know when people will take things personally and when other people wont. Amongst the people who dont, I will freely joke and sometimes take things overboard like 1 time I was questioning my friends ability impregnate someone. It was very funny at the time but I realized later that I took it overboard. Amongst people who are more sensative, Im rather cautious, I wait till I know them enough till I can start to joke or be more honest. Sometimes I still offend them even tho Im trying to be cautious. Im a very blunt, honest, say whats on my mind person.

Sometimes I wish I was a gay man.
Then I could just never hang out with women.
And no periods, so there's that, too.

you know I think even gay guys that hang out with lots of girls get away with saying more inappropriete things. Ive seriously had some gay friends who could get away with so much.

I've been accused of being too blunt for most of my life. I've learned to not talk about other people directly and keep my opinions to myself which keeps all of my social interactions very shallow which really isn't conducive to making friends. The worst part is when people ASK for an opinion... I struggle to find a way to say what I think in the least offensive way possible which, I've found, there really isn't one. When someone insists on an opinion, what they really want is to be told what they want to hear - not the truth which is usually the direct opposite of what they looking for. Just the fact that you are struggling for something to say is, in and of itself, offensive to most women because they know it suggests the negative content you're trying to avoid saying out loud.

Conversations with other women are just way too loaded.

I know, last year, I took it to a point where I was so cautious with my words that I never offended any1 but then my friendships were very bland and lacking, and I was very depressed in the thought I could never be myself because myself wasnt good enough. This year I started to open my mouth...admittedly I enjoy my social life a hell of a lot more for other reasons too. But I've offended or at least annoyed at least 4 people and lost 2 friendships along the way. I hope that Im not currently pending on 1 friendship right now, Im just trying to give her some space for a few days but I think shes still mad and I really dont get it? I dont think she'll throw away our friendship because of 1 offensive comment.



Oh yeah...well normally I'll just give 1 near the truth or go off on some unrelated tangent steering the conversation away but people generally dont ask about my opnion too often. When they do, they dont really pin it on you directly so its not hard to go off topic.

This isn't a gender thing. If I told a guy at work that he's not on top of things and then "explained" I'm soo super on top of things I would expect him to be pretty offended. If someone said that to you wouldn't you be?

Instead of "explaining yourself" how about not being so judgemental... If you kick people in the stomach it's going to hurt their stomach even if it was no big deal for your foot.

You don't have to go around labelling people as being "on top of things" or "not on top of things". The problem here is you are just out of touch with your feelings and your motivations for saying things. Saying everyone is not "on top of things" is putting them down, just because you are used to putting people down all the time does not make it less offensive.

I love the title of this thread. I try really hard not to be blunt.....but yes inevitably I end up offending people with something I say. A couple days ago someone was telling me an anecdote and I "tuned out" while he was speaking, then he asked me what I thought so I had to say"I wasn't paying attention"..........what else could I say? He asked me a direct question about what he said! I explained....after a bit that I have inattentive ADHD.............Apparently that was too blunt.