Keeping relationships platonic?

Post Reply New Topic

I'm a 23 year old girl, and an aspie who happens to really conventionally attractive. especially my body, it has some pretty crazy proportions that have always attracted a lot more attention than i like. i prefer male contact to female. not because i don't like women, i appreciate our gender immensely, but nt women tend to be really emotionally and mentally exhausting for me. not that men can't be the same way, it's just less likely. so i'm always finding myself in relationships with guys where i think we're just friends, but i then i figure out later that they've been trying to sleep with me the entire time! and getting jealous, and just being drama queens and causing problems because i don't want their precious penises. and because of my aspergers, i take the things people say literally. so if a guy says we're "just friends," i believe him, because that's what he says. and they always say that we are "friends" but apparently that isn't true. i think it's partly my fault, because whenever guys hint at anything sexual, instead of being firm and saying "no" i'll engage them and talk about it, and maybe that looks like flirting and interest, when i just think we're having a conversation. and i have low self-esteem, so i'm always scared that if i don't do what the people i like want, they'll leave me.

sorry for the novel, but it's just been so upsetting to have all my connections with people crumble over sex. which i don't have at all. i just don't know what i'm doing wrong and how to fix it :/

You'll have to find guys who are decent and actually respect women as people. If they happen to have low sex drives or are not attracted to women that's a bonus.

Boys will be boys. Men are loaded with testosterone. Even if it's the man's intention to just be friends if he thinks you're "hot" sex with you does cross his mind. Even if he has no intention on carrying it out. I would suggest never getting drunk with any of these friends if you don't want to accidentally have sex with them.
Basically what I'm getting at is there is no way to fix it.

Men, on the whole, think with their penises.

or they don't think at all.

well this thread is completely depressing.

This is why I like being unattractive ! And don't tell me anything different.

Yeah I play down my looks quite a lot for this very reason.

Yes, tricky one, but *you* alone can't fix it if you mean stop it from happening - that will only happen if you avoid developing friendships with guys completely, which would be a shame.

Some guys will respect friendship boundaries, once they know that's all that's on offer, but you don't know this until it's tested. Unfortunately people don't come with labels on their foreheads that say 'don't believe what I say, believe what I do', but that would make it so much easier

Options : try to befriend in a group setting, difficult if that's not your style of course but avoids the one to one situation until you're more sure about the person.

Be very clear that only platonic friendship is on offer from the outset (to the point of rudeness - not that you are actually being rude, but by being clear women are judged to be not complying with the social norm). If someone agrees to this, then if they should act accordingly, else they do not deserve your friendship & you have no obligation to them.

I'm glad you don't discount women completely, it's hard reading women say they hate other women when there are plenty of us that suffer in the same way of being not typical females. There are many fine females and males out there, quirky, eccentric, geeks and freaks and probably all the more wonderful for it... it'd be a shame to miss out on a good relationship, just apply large amounts of scepticism & trust at the right points

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. The only advice I can think of if you prefer male contact is to try and make friends with gay men if at all possible, so you won't have the sexuality problem.