Is this common?

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I have a close friend who recently got married while I am still single. Lately, she has been learning to take care of a husband and learn how to fit his needs as well as hers. While I think that is great, I am having a really hard time dealing with her being married due to her mindsets changing over to fitting his needs. I often feel that she has become arrogant, condescending and that she acts like she is better than anyone else because she is married and the majority of her friends are not. Is this common for single friends to accuse married friends that they seem to act so much better and more superior to everyone else because they are taking care of their husband?

If so, how can I better cope?

I was very proud of my husband when we married and might have babied him a little too much to make sure he was happy with me and knew I adored him. I never really had a lot of friends though. The few I had, I eventually stopped seeing but they understood that he was my priority. In retrospect. It was not healthy for him or me.

Give your friend some time to adjust and then talk to her again.

Are you sure you are interpreting this situation correctly? How has she become arrogant and condescending?

Personally I don't see marriage as something to be jealous of. I don't feel a married woman is superior to non-married woman, or a non-married woman is superior to a married woman. Anyone can get married. It's who they marry and why that is important, but then it's only important on a personal level.

I am asking whether single women often feel this way after their close friend gets married.

I don't think I would....when a friend of mine gets married I expect them to dedicate most of their attention to their spouse and I don't view being married as superior to not being married.

She's going to put him first and always before you on her priority list. If she has kids, they will also be more important in her life than you as her friend. That's just the way that it goes.

It is not that I am jealous of her for getting married it's more than I am jealous that he's now there filling her shoes and taking on a role since I want to spend more time with her.

In one recent case, I had gotten together with her the other day and we had a wonderful time. I had asked her earlier if her husband could give me a ride home after getting together when he picked her up since I was on their way home. However, she felt that it was light outside and it was a nice day and happened to put her foot down and mention that her husband was really tired from his job and that she had originally made plans to have him pick her up and drive straight home. So I walked her to her husband's car and walked away upset and just caught the bus. I tried to be understanding but something inside of me just snapped and so I mentioned how I felt by saying that I was disappointed and that she used to be single once and depended on the bus too.

She did write back and mention to me that she was sorry and thanked me for giving her feedback. She also mentioned that her husband often got up early to take her down to the train station so that she could get to work and then her husband worked a very strenuous job and often sees how tired he is. She then felt like that I was acting like it was her husband's responsibility to give me rides and that it seemed like if I wanted to go somewhere I had no problem riding the bus.

I wrote back and mentioned that I understood and I was trying to understand but that I didn't appreciate her being arrogant and condescending with me now that she is married. I had also rubbed in two past situations where she had to rely on the bus and always asked people for rides when she was single and that I didn't feel like hearing that. Finally, I accused her of acting like she is better and knows better than I am because she's married and I am not.

I wanted to ask if these sorts of conversations were common between single vs. married friends.

In my experience, no, those are not common discussions.

You're able to articulate why you feel what she's saying is arrogant and patronizing. I wish I knew why she feels what you're saying is demanding and entitled. It's my honest opinion that something more than bus rides and stressful jobs is really going on here. I hope you two can work it out amiably without saying things that are soon regretted but can never be taken back.

Maybe her husband had said something to her about being to tired to give you a ride home. Was it literally on the way or was it just in the general direction?

One of my close friends has a boyfriend whom she has been dating since November or December of last year. I sometimes worry about what will become of our friendship if she decides to marry him, especially because I am the type of person who is quick to become jealous.

And to be honest, my feelings for my friend aren't completely platonic. I've secretly never been happy about the fact that she has found herself a man because I have always wanted to be the one to date her ever since the day I met her. What makes me pine after her even more is the fact that she is bisexual (as am I), and we have a lot of chemistry between us; even my mom commented about how my friend and I "hit it off right away".

I know it's horribly selfish of me, but I keep secretly wishing that my friend and her boyfriend will break up and she will want to go out with me instead. It would make me upset if she got married, and even more upset if she had children, because I would be way down on her priority list if that happened. Again, horribly selfish, I admit. But at least I'm not acting on my feelings... Besides, the heart wants what the heart wants...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxuYdzs4SS8[/youtube]

While I am not married, I am in a committed relationship. At the time I met my SO, I had a friend that I hung out with a lot. In the natural course of my intimate relationship, she began to act jealous and needy. It got on my nerves, because if i were on the phone with her, and my new boyfriend called ( I had call waiting) she wouldn't allow me to end the convo with her, but attempt to keep talking. I would have to cut her off. She kept trying to arrange time for us to hang out, instead of letting me alone to adjust to my SO. I didn't really want to end the friendship, but her clingy and demanding behavior killed it. I found that when I did hang out with her, she was quick to say negative things about my SO, or to accuse me of being "different." I was in love and very happy, and she was becoming a dark cloud on my happiness.

So, what I am saying is that here is the other side of this scenario that you are describing, Miyah. While you are saying that you are not jealous, your actions could well be interpreted as such. While my ex-friend insisted that she was happy for me, her actions were negatively impacting on what was now my priority relationship. She seemed to read my happiness and new found confidence as being angry with her, or "not liking her anymore." Before I met my SO, she often would give me rides places, or take me grocery shopping with her when she went. When she would now offer to do this, and I would tell her my SO had already taken me, she would act hurt.

Give your friend time to get used to her married status. It can be difficult juggling relationships, but realize, as wefunction said, her husband is always going to be her priority. If you can accept that, maybe the friendship can continue.

I am not doing the clingy thing with my friend but there are other incidents where I have gotten upset every time her man is around. It's not that I am jealous that she is married per-say. It's more over that fact that he is in the picture and she is paying attention to him and not me as much and so I get jealous. Not only have I been jealous that he has been in the picture but with her other female friends too.

Showing jealousy is sort of the same as clingy behavior. She is not going to leave her man to renew her former status with you. Sorry. You will have a better chance of remaining friends with her by not disliking the person she loves the most.

There's a lot of mothers out there who need this advice stapled to their foreheads about their grown children's love interests. It's overwhelming to think of the amount of problems in relationships that are caused simply because a parent doesn't like a son or a daughter in-law and refuses to get past that resentment, jealousy and dislike.

I think this type of incident is common, however its probably a lot more serious with married couples. I have a friend who was good friends with this girl. Her friend gets a bf, then I dont know quite what happen, my friend hated the guy, became jealous because she was spending all this time with her and her priorities have shifted. This is just a bf situation, I dont know how intensely the situation varies when your married. As for a friend situation, theres sorta a friend code, where even when you get into a relationship, you shouldnt suppose to abandon your friends. Even though it happens a lot.

I do know from talking to my mom, when people get married and have kids, priorities get shifted towards families and people dont have time for friends as much as before. All I know, I hope its a while till I get to that phase of life. Being that people are getting married later and later these days is a little reassuring.