moms with AS

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I've had two daughters and as far as I know, neither of them are Aspie. I used to get terrified when they asked if friends could sleep over because I didn't think I could cook them a proper meal or entertain them. We came to a sort of compromise where they could have one friend over at a time (usually). The noise didn't worry me but getting meals prepared did because I'm usually very disorganised about cooking. It wasn't too bad when the girls helped me with preparing a meal.

I'm just going to add myself to the list here. I have two little girls. I suspect the oldest may have AS or at least ADHD and she is very chatty but doesn't necesarrily have to be talking to anyone in particular.
I'm also married to a very socially dependant person and I find him more difficult than dealing with children on their most clingy days.
I"m having a bit of a hard time with things right now but I also have a lot of other stuff going on. I'm able to get some alone time between classes and picking my kids off from school and this makes all the difference.

I wish we could have a seperate support forum for parents with AS but there seems to be so few of us. I could really use the support right now.

You are right, especially women. I am having a difficult time as well. I am remarried, and recently diagnosed at 43, go figure. So much makes sense now, and nothing makes sense at the same time. Pretending to be normal was so much easier. I have a stepdaughter who is NT, her and my husband are very social. My son and I are aspies, we are total opposites,it creates alot of stress. My husband is insisting that we go to marriage counseling, so he can know what to expect from me. I am a little frustrated right now. All these years trying to fit in, find the right pill, counseling now to finally get a diagnosis, but feel like I have to go back to pretending to be normal

I am 47 and self diagnosed. My husband and two teenage sons are extroverts so, I'm stressed most of the time. It seems like life gets harder. It helps knowing why I'm like this and that there are others like me. But, in my everyday life - I feel like such an outcast.

Yes, it would be much easier if it there were more material on Female Aspergers Syndrone. My Psych, has only had one other female patient. Books on relationships are few and far between and usually about couples where the male is the aspie.

This is a fantastic thread, please keep posting. I agree that perhaps there should be consideration for making a separate forum for AS parents.

We're trying for our first baby (no luck so far), so this is all very relevant, to help me brace myself for what I already expected to be a sensory overload experience, especially the first few years. And, of course, the high chance of our kid(s) being AS. (ok, frankly, I'd not mind that at all! except if they get bullied at school or suffer making friends, of course that would suck).

I love babies!! ! Of course, my two boy's were pretty easy. It was when they got a little older and I thought it would be good for them if we joined a parent co-op. It was, but it was hard for me. This was before I had a clue what was wrong with me. Since it was only once a week, I handled it ok. The older they got, the more they wanted to do. I went into a deep depression those years. I think if I had known I had asperger's, things would have been a lot better.
Also, my husband and kid's are extroverts. So, there is a lot more social things going on where I get overloaded. Now that I know why (I found out a couple of years ago - I'm 47), it's easier. At least I'm not lying in bed wondering why I am so depressed.

Me. I think my biggest difficulties are noise and my need to break from it. Fortunately my husband helps me with this, and I have the chance to take breaks as I need them. Nap time is a good time for me to regenerate. I'd love to be doing my workouts during that hour instead of at their bedtime, but I'll tell you...by the time they go for nap, all I can do is just sit quietly enjoying the silence stimming on my computer

They're probably both on the spectrum too though, and since I was treated like absolute sh*t as a child, I do know what they need and how vital I am to their...everything. That makes it a lot easier.

I am a mom with (I think) AS. I'm a stay-at-home parent and as soon as my husband gets home from work I go for a bike ride or zone out on the computer for a while to get my alone time. I was a little worried about how to interact with my son when he was born, but now I love to scoop him up and give him lots of hugs and kisses. He was the first baby I ever interacted with, since I had no interest in them before finding out I was pregnant. I'm still not really interested in other peoples' kids, just my own.

Same for me. I never really was interested in kids until my own. I read a lot to them. My boys are now 16 and 13.
Down time is so important. I'd go crazy without it.

Hi, I'm new here. I discovered this forum because after a year of being completely unable to adjust to motherhood, I'm realizing that maybe I have AS! I would love to know how you all cope... Specifically, how do you deal with how impossible a baby makes it to have a predictable routine? I try to be "flexible" about my routine, but my anxiety level is through the roof and I'm pretty much dysfunctional. _Everything_ seems impossible when I'm looking after the baby. I feel like I'm missing some really basic, practical information about parenting.

Thank you!

I dont know what your specific daily life is like but i actually found that my daughter was very flexible and willing to follow whatever schedule I was on. I would say, again without knowing you, that you should forget everything you think you are supposed to do and what is considered a good mother and make your kid adapt to you.
I am still nursing her at almost 4 years old and she slept in my bed for a very long time so I always have the opportunity to put her to sleep on demand with breastmilk whenever I need silence.
Anyhow, I am sure that you are a much better mother than you think you are and I encourage you to find out more about AS in order to know yourself better.
Feel free to PM me if you need to vent or just conversate on the topic.

Hi Soso-Lynn,
Thanks for responding so quickly!

See, this is where I feel like I'm missing something. I don't know other mothers do this. Take, for instance, my morning routine. Some mornings Callie just won't let me put her down. How am I supposed to brush my teeth? I try to tell myself not to worry, I can brush my teeth later, but I have enough trouble brushing my teeth (tooth brushing grosses me out. Is this an Aspie thing or just me?), and enough of these shufflings and the whole system falls apart.
Callie is just over a year old and I can't wait to wean her. She wouldn't take a bottle, and I have been extremely resentful about never getting more than an hour or two away from her, and never knowing how long it will be before I need to stop what I'm doing because she needs to nurse.
I think I'm actually a pretty good mother. (I made a point of smiling at her a lot even during the first few weeks when I didn't really feel it, and I think we have a good bond even if I'm not the doting goo-goo-ga-ga kind of mom, and not very creative when it comes to entertaining her. We have our own thing.) My concern is that the rest of my life has gone to hell: I'm breaking up with her father, I'm almost broke, I feel like I can't do anything (though I somehow manage to find time for my special interests... My therapist says this is good but I don't know...).

Teflon woman - you are going through some pretty major stresses besides taking care of a 1 year old.

I did well the 1st 4 or 5 months when my kid's were infants. I could get them on something like a schedule. But, when they started moving around on their own, it was harder for me. I got really depressed. I didn't know I had asperger's then. In fact, I didn't get diagnosed until recently (self diagnosed about 4 years ago). My depression was due to not understanding why I couldn't handle it when it seemed other mothers could.

Anyway, see if you can get a friend to help you out once in a while - you need time off from being a mom.

Good luck. Keep us posted.

Exactly!

Friend? What friend? No, that's a joke... sort of.
I finally hired a nanny (I could spend a long time exploring the many reasons it took me so long to do this). She just started yesterday, so it's too soon to see how that will work out, but the baby seems to like her! And here I am getting to post in the middle of the day, so that's good.

Thanks for your feedback!

Hi Teflon
I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. An important thing to know is that babies at that age go through a lot of phases very quickly. My son went through a phase where he cried and screamed at the baby gate any time I left his line of vision. But it passed within a month or two. Right now he's going through a phase where he throws himself on the floor and cries any time I say "No" to him about anything. I know this will pass, too.
I hope this helps. It helped me enormously when I realized that these behaviors come and go like rain.
A book like "What to Expect" for the toddler years can help explain why your child acts the way he/she does. A lot of the phases that just seem like a pain actually serve a purpose in helping the child develop a sense of self, independence, trust, etc.