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BuyerBeware
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23 Oct 2011, 2:40 pm

I think I'm pregnant again!

This is a problem because:

1) I'm on Prozac and Remeron. I think Prozac is only contraindicated in the third trimester (I'd be about six weeks along at this point), and it's a really low dose, but still...

2) This will be my fourth unplanned pregnancy. Like-- How f*****g stupid am I????

3) My third unplanned pregnancy happened about this time last year, and resulted in early miscarriage. I'm superstitious about stuff like that. It didn't really upset me that much at the time, but worrying about it happening again could well drive me crazy. It really upset DH and his parents and both my girlfriends, too. I think worrying about losing another one would push DH over the edge.

4) We'd really about decided that we don't want any more kids (we've got 3 already, and there are now 7 billion people on this rock).

5) We use condoms (non-spermicidal, since we think that's how the one we lost happened) religiously, and I don't remember having any accidents. But DH takes Ambien (and suffers from 'sleepwalking and other activities, such as talking, fighting, and having sexual intercourse' anyway) and Remeron makes me sleep like a rock, so something could have happened without either of us knowing. Am I going to have to deal with him thinking I've been messing around on the side???

6) He's already ruled out giving up a child for adoption. And I've already ruled out having an abortion unless strongly medically advised. That leaves raising it, whether we want to or not.

7) I'm just starting to get over a suicidal depression. Do I really want to go through postpartum depression AGAIN????

I'm going to go down to Walgreen's and get a pregnancy test before I get any more upset about it. After all, being nauseous and tired and having my pants get too tight are also symptoms of PMS...

...except I've already missed one period (not a big deal as I have always been irregular) and the second one is about a week late.

I'm really freaking out! ADVICE, PLEASE!! !! !!


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League_Girl
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23 Oct 2011, 11:53 pm

Get your tubes tied or have your husband get fixed when you have your last baby. Even if you are not pregnant, I would still get it done just in case so it will never happen.



tentoedsloth
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26 Oct 2011, 7:35 pm

How did that turn out?

Condoms have a fairly high failure rate. If your husband starts accusing, you could find the statistics and show him.



Chronos
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30 Oct 2011, 12:04 am

I'm confused. Are you implying he had sex with you while you were both asleep?

If you are pregnant again, you've raised 3 children so you are certainly not unexperienced.

Concerning miscarriages, sometimes this can be caused by thyroid problems, so you might want to have a thyroid panel done, especially if you've been depressed.



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06 Nov 2011, 10:44 am

BuyerBeware wrote:
But DH takes Ambien (and suffers from 'sleepwalking and other activities, such as talking, fighting, and having sexual intercourse' anyway) and Remeron makes me sleep like a rock, so something could have happened without either of us knowing.


That's a really frightening idea, but I think it's more likely your condom failed without either of you knowing. All it can take is a tiny hole so small the human eye can't see it.

How are you doing and do you have any update??



BuyerBeware
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14 Nov 2011, 11:22 am

Yeah. That's what I'm implying. Actually I thought I said it right out. But this is Aspie land. :lol:

Two negative OTC tests, another missed period, and a blood test later-- Yeah, I'm going to get an ultrasound to check for ovarian cysts and other stuff that could cause false positives today-- but it looks like I'm preggers. AGAIN.

Ultrasound is also to try and figure out if it's even viable.

At least I have some idea that it's not going like last time. The last one died in utero at about 12 weeks-- I was SICK, and I mean SICK, from the beginning. It should have been obvious that there was something WRONG.

I'm scared. Can I keep it?? Should I keep it?? Is it just going to die and we'll never really know why like Alex did??? How in the holy steaming f**k am I going to tell him (or more appropriately how am I going to keep from having a major major major meltdown when he accuses me of messing around)??????


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BuyerBeware
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14 Nov 2011, 6:54 pm

Yup. Looks like BB is in for a bebe.

Oh, hell.

I am so completely getting my tubes tied when this is over. Tied, cut, cauterized-- can I get an elective radical hysterectomy??? I should have had them tied after we lost Alex-- but they said I was letting grief make decisions and I ought to wait a year. Yeah. I wasn't the one grieving. How much can you grieve losing an unplanned pregnancy when you're AS, you're depressed, and your kids are 9, 3, and 1??? Well, it's been a year. Now look at THIS mess!! !! !! !! !

Whether it's an Ambien date or a failed condom-- How in the name of all that is holy am I going to tell him??

Ladies-- What would you say if you were in my shoes???? "Gee, Honey. We didn't know we were taking chances. We might not have even known we were having sex. But now we're having a baby!"

This is going to go over like a lead zeppelin.

I love it already and I'm scared of losing it.

I'm scared of what losing it would do to DH. Losing Alex really messed him up.

I'm scared of what having it is going to do to DH.

Panic attacks. Panic attacks. Panic attacks. I don't want to tell anybody in case something goes wrong. I need someone to talk to!! !! !

HELLLLLLLLPPPPPPP!! !! !! !


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"Alas, our dried voices when we whisper together are quiet and meaningless, as wind in dry grass, or rats' feet over broken glass in our dry cellar." --TS Eliot, "The Hollow Men"


BuyerBeware
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15 Nov 2011, 11:37 am

I need a hug. :cry: :oops: :roll:


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twich
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15 Nov 2011, 5:04 pm

The only way to 100% make sure you won't get pregnant while you are both fertile is to not have sex, so if your husband gets angry with you for being pregnant, that's pretty silly- It takes 2 to make a baby, and he's just as responsible. I'm sorry you're in this situation, but I'd recommend you talk to your husband about getting himself fixed, as it's much less complicated and recovery time is much better. Either way, use protection for about 2 months as I know at least for men, they can be fertile for a bit after they get snipped.



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15 Nov 2011, 5:14 pm

Definitely boarding up the mailbox when this one is over. Before the Good Lord blesses us so much we can't afford to feed them.

Perhaps I need to switch my identification from Kali, Hindu goddess of death and destruction (and hence rebirth) to Hestia, Greek goddess of home and hearth.

Since it doesn't seem like I'm ever going to be getting far from either one.

Well, at least I was already planning a nice big garden. Better add a row.

:lol: :twisted: Lunesta is a pretty name for a girl, don'tcha think??? :twisted: :lol:

Yes, I'm being sarcastic.


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"Alas, our dried voices when we whisper together are quiet and meaningless, as wind in dry grass, or rats' feet over broken glass in our dry cellar." --TS Eliot, "The Hollow Men"


BuyerBeware
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16 Nov 2011, 6:08 pm

My kids are driving me nuts!!

I'm either eating, or nauseated!!

My head hurts, my back hurts, my soul hurts!!

I feel like a complete f*****g jackass!!

If it lives, if it's OK, if my husband doesn't decide to believe I'm messing around and leave me-- I'm going to have ANOTHER ONE around the beginning of June!! !!

If it lives, if it's OK-- hey, I've been pregnant for three months, eating Prozac and Remeron without a clue!! My psych says it should be OK. My research says the worst thing we're likely to end up contending with is withered limbs. I can deal with withered limbs. I'm changing the channel every time some lawyer offers to help you sue for birth defects resulting from antidepressants. AND I CAN'T GET IN TO SEE THE OB FOR ANOTHER WEEK!! !! If it wouldn't be an abuse of resources, I'd go to the ER and scream and scream and scream that I have to know if my baby's OK until I got them to do an ultrasound.

If I don't kill my f*****g fucktard mother-in-law, who caught me puking and guessed, and now seems to be of the opinion that I'm trying to ruin her precious baby boy's life with offspring. Her precious baby boy was, um, there at the time. Her precious baby boy isn't the one who's giving up his career plans-- yet again-- to stay home and wipe its butt and teach it right from wrong.

Maybe I should kill her. Then I could go to jail, see the kids for an hour every other Sunday, tell them how much I love them, and go back to my nice quiet cell. Next best thing to the adult psych ward, right???? <------ JOKE!! !!


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"Alas, our dried voices when we whisper together are quiet and meaningless, as wind in dry grass, or rats' feet over broken glass in our dry cellar." --TS Eliot, "The Hollow Men"


Ynnep
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16 Nov 2011, 10:27 pm

Yikes! Good luck.



League_Girl
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17 Nov 2011, 12:08 am

You MIL sounds like a big dick and if your husband is treating you bad, he sounds like a dick too.


I lost a baby once and then I was a mess again when I was pregnant again. I was over the miscarriage and then the feelings and the fear and came back and I was scared all over again. I even wanted to get an abortion but I wanted a baby so bad I kept it. Luckily it didn't mess my husband up but instead I was obsessive about losing it again I would keep talking about it and I kept thinking I miscarried. It took me a while to get excited about having the baby and I didn't tell anyone for a while I was pregnant until I had the ultrasound.



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18 Nov 2011, 3:06 pm

I got pregnant with our last baby using condoms, foam, and during my "safe time". The way I told my husband was "Looks like none of that crap worked, I'm pregnant again. You're getting fixed!"

I love her and wouldn't trade her for anything and I'm so very glad that the birth control failed. But, she was our fourth, and that was plenty. He got fixed. It's much easier for the guy to get fixed than the woman.

Frances



BuyerBeware
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20 Nov 2011, 8:31 pm

Ah, MIL is just a bitter old woman who refuses to acknowledge that her precious baby boy is now a 31-year-old man with imperfections of his own.

Or at least, that's what DH says. The main point there is not to let her get to me. She is not happy with her own life. Transferrence is a b***h.

He can be a dick sometimes too. It really hurts. But-- have you ever met anyone who can't be a dick sometimes?? Occasionally makes me wish I'd kept my little Aspie butt up the holler where it was safe-- but it was also very lonely. He's usually sorry when he sticks his foot in it. And mostly forgiving of the fact that I stick my foot in it often.

Horrible as this sounds-- it's nice to know I'm not the only one who has lost one and is now freaking out about losing the following one too. That means it's probably a normal reaction and not either a premonition or a sign that I'm going nuts again.

It's just-- Aspies look for patterns, see patterns where no meaningful pattern exists. This one's so easy it's painful. So many things are the same as last year, I think even the most NT person on Earth would see a pattern. I'm far from home caring for sick relatives. I was weeks into the pregnancy before I realized what was going on. It was unexpected, inconvenient, unplanned-- something we were taking steps to prevent. The timing's the same almost to the day.

I'm, like, three times as upset now as when it happened. This SUCKS.

Maybe instead of a sign of impending disaster, all the coincidences are a sign of redemption. :D

Maybe this entire post is a sign that, yeah, I'm definitely an Aspie, doing what Aspies do, and I really need to have a nice cup of hot tea, plug in the vaporizer, and lay down between my two snotty preschoolers. I'll know more about Little Lunesta on Wednesday. Worrying in the interim serves no purpose.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

I am SOOOOO getting fixed when all this is over. It's not that big a deal for the woman anymore either. Then I know no matter what happens to me-- if I get gang-raped by 16 highly fertile psychopaths, or get widowed in three years and meet a great guy who just has to have biological offspring of his very own-- there will be no more buns coming out of my oven.

My oven is closed. I'm getting old.


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"Alas, our dried voices when we whisper together are quiet and meaningless, as wind in dry grass, or rats' feet over broken glass in our dry cellar." --TS Eliot, "The Hollow Men"


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20 Nov 2011, 11:22 pm

Lot of women get upset over a loss and I think it's normal for them to be scared when they are expecting again. Some get over it and move on, some never get over it. Some get over it and then regress back to their old feelings when they are expecting again because they get scared experiencing the pain again.

All women grieve over their loss differently. Some like to hold the corpse, some like to hold it no matter how small it is and I have read how some women refuse to flush the toilet after they lost the baby in there. Some like to dress their stillborns and hold them like they are alive and take photos. Some allow their kids to see the corpse to say good bye to their brother or sister they lost. And some never want to see the corpse and don't want to hold it. When I found out I lost mine, I just wanted it out of me and I didn't care if they threw it away. I saw no fetus so the doctors figured my body must have absorbed it when it died. All I saw was the blood and the blood clots. I was still upset over the loss and it took me a month to get over it and I obsessed about miscarriages for a while so I spent a whole amount of time reading about it and asking questions about it online. Then the obsession went away when I got over it. I even carried a doll with me for a week I got for five bucks and kept it in my bag when I go out in public but yet I had it sitting in front of me at the autism group. Then I literally forgot about it when I moved on and then I didn't feel the need to have the doll with me anymore. I don't have the doll anymore because I gave it to my nephew's half sister.

Some women need counseling to move on while some get over it on their own.