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mechanicalgirl39
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16 May 2011, 5:55 pm

Does this freak anyone else out? Seriously I had to actively teach myself to accept that from my boyfriend and say it back to be nice...It freaks me out to the point that I try and think of it as some sort of computer code, as one machine sending data to another machine. Whenever he says it my thoughts are, in this order

1. Yuck.

2. I should be grateful. There are people out there abused or alone who would give a lot to have someone show them love.

Anyone else feel a bit 'vlech!' at the idea of saying you love someone? I am all for showing love via your actions, but for some reason saying it out loud seems a bit indecent, like taking a dump in front of someone.


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Bloodheart
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16 May 2011, 6:00 pm

I don't have a problem with saying I love you...I have a problem with saying it when I don't mean it because it's expected, or because I'm an idiot and think it's expected. My boyfriend says 'I love you' ALL THE TIME - I don't feel the same as you about that phrase, so it's great, but I think after the hundredth time in a day it starts to lose it's meaning somewhat, and I dislike having to say it back to him every single time.


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poopylungstuffing
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16 May 2011, 6:54 pm

I don't have trouble saying it. I can't say it if I don't mean it..I don't like overusing it, or having it overused on me, but I don't have an aversion to it. I have been caused some sadness by the lack of sentiment. My AS boyfriend has an extreme aversion to the word...If I say it, he can't say it back..it makes me very sad, and brought me even to conclude at times that he doesn't love me...so I don't say it anymore... :( ....Then when he has thrown me for a loop and gone and said it, it has made me sad...there are other phrases that raise my hackles a lot more..Like "how are you?"..But I think the L word is important enough that I am able to use it when I need to...



RainingRoses
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16 May 2011, 7:39 pm

My girlfriend says "I love you" ALL THE TIME! Every time she says hello or goodbye on the phone, or in person, first thing in the morning, last thing at night, at the end of every e-mail and text. At first I thought, TOO MUCH! But, then I realized something. She says "I love you" all the time because she does love me all the time. So, I make sure I return that sentiment just as often. And, somehow, she and I have never had a fight, argument, disagreement in 5 years together (3 years living together in a 400 sq. ft. apartment with 4 cats). It's actually hard to be angry with someone while you're telling her you love her! Maybe there's something to this? If you don't mean it, then of course it quickly becomes nauseating. But, if someone genuinely means it, then I'd say count your blessings...



Ashuahhe
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16 May 2011, 10:29 pm

When I say "I love you" I really do mean it and I don't overuse it. However my boyfriend does this annoying thing sometimes when I say I love him, he responds with "I love you more" and in response I say "I love you the most" I win :D



mechanicalgirl39
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17 May 2011, 5:47 am

I do mean it, I just dislike being obliged to say it. I show love by giving advice, listening when something is wrong, etc. Saying 'I love you' on the other hand definitely feels mildly indecent and embarrassing.


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ImaginaryTime
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17 May 2011, 1:04 pm

I don't even feel comfortable telling my family that I love them! There is something so deep and frightening about that word, "love", that I avoid it at all costs. Hearing those three words, and repeating them, means acknowledging someone else's feelings and expressing my own, which are two things that terrify me. Emotion has always made me feel very uncomfortable, and I've always tried to separate myself from it. I just started dating someone for the first time in my life, and I hope it will be a long time before he says that he loves me.

This doesn't mean I am incapable of love, of course. It just means I'm not comfortable admitting when I feel love or realizing that other people love me.



TeaEarlGreyHot
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17 May 2011, 1:13 pm

I think my husband is the only one that gets a completely calm "I love you" from me, and it took quite a while for me to get to that point. I still remember my reaction the first time he said it to me. I wanted to run far and fast.


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all_white
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17 May 2011, 1:14 pm

No, I am the total opposite. I am very loving and emotional, and feel the urge to say "I love you" a lot. I have often felt urges to say it to people that it might be inappropriate to say it to, at times when they were kind to me and I felt very grateful, for example. So I can't always say it when I want to, and that makes me sad. :cry:

In romantic relationships I normally tend to say "I love you" about a billion times a day. :shrug:



mechanicalgirl39
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17 May 2011, 1:16 pm

ImaginaryTime wrote:
I don't even feel comfortable telling my family that I love them! There is something so deep and frightening about that word, "love", that I avoid it at all costs. Hearing those three words, and repeating them, means acknowledging someone else's feelings and expressing my own, which are two things that terrify me. Emotion has always made me feel very uncomfortable, and I've always tried to separate myself from it. I just started dating someone for the first time in my life, and I hope it will be a long time before he says that he loves me.

This doesn't mean I am incapable of love, of course. It just means I'm not comfortable admitting when I feel love or realizing that other people love me.


For me it's not exactly that it's frightening...it just seems mildly indecent. Like urinating in front of someone. Other people do it when they're out mountain biking and there's no toilet..me, I just don't want to.


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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17 May 2011, 1:24 pm

all_white wrote:
I have often felt urges to say it to people that it might be inappropriate to say it to, at times when they were kind to me and I felt very grateful, for example. So I can't always say it when I want to, and that makes me sad. :cry:


I get these urges, too, but it's not a sincere "I love you". I suppose it was my way of making the three words easier to say.


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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17 May 2011, 1:26 pm

mechanicalgirl39 wrote:
ImaginaryTime wrote:
I don't even feel comfortable telling my family that I love them! There is something so deep and frightening about that word, "love", that I avoid it at all costs. Hearing those three words, and repeating them, means acknowledging someone else's feelings and expressing my own, which are two things that terrify me. Emotion has always made me feel very uncomfortable, and I've always tried to separate myself from it. I just started dating someone for the first time in my life, and I hope it will be a long time before he says that he loves me.

This doesn't mean I am incapable of love, of course. It just means I'm not comfortable admitting when I feel love or realizing that other people love me.


For me it's not exactly that it's frightening...it just seems mildly indecent. Like urinating in front of someone. Other people do it when they're out mountain biking and there's no toilet..me, I just don't want to.


It's a very intimate emotion, and exposing it like that is very uncomfortable. It's like eating in public for me. I do it to be normal, but I really dislike it.


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17 May 2011, 1:50 pm

I was in a decade long relationship and neither of us said it once to the other. It wasn't that I didn't but I don't think I was in love and in my mind (at the time) that's what it required.

I also believe it's easy to say the words but harder to mean it. I prefer displays of love, which change from person to person as it's harder to lie with them.

That said, I tell my child I love her because as a child they need to hear it and know and I've learned to just say it with her father because he wouldn't understand if I didn't that it meant I did still love him. Both times however I do mean it. I just feel odd having to actually say it as I guess I expect them to know.



obichris
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17 May 2011, 2:00 pm

For a while my stimming would some times include repeating the phrases "I love you" or "I hate you".

Outside of that I really have never understood telling people "I love you." People use it all the time to say bye, end a phone conversation, sign emails, etc. They seem to expect to hear it back, but I have never been comfortable doing so. When I do force myself to reciprocate, it seems very awkward.



theemor
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17 May 2011, 4:22 pm

I've never really been in a serious relationship(I've just found my self, unfortunately, dating very emotional guys), but I've always found the phrase, 'I love you' to be a bit excessive. Moments of bliss can just be wrecked when the person just randomly says, 'I love you' when it's apparent you have a connection with the person. It also is a very generic expression and I've never really taken it seriously when someone has said it to me. I'd much rather they express a liking for a specific characteristic of mine than say that they loved me.

I guess I also find it unattractive of a male to make themselves venerable in that way. For some reason males who are perceived by most to be very aloof are very emotional and open with me, even though the foundations of our connection were through a mutual respect for our aloofness. I don't know though.

I wonder whether I am capable of feeling emotions that strong and if I do have the capacity to love. In the past I've lied about loving someone simply because I didn't want to hurt them. I'll temporarily feel a profound sense of fondness towards someone, but even then I acknowledge it must be transient, and so will probably not verbally express it, and even if I were, I wouldn't in such a generic way as, 'I love you' if such feelings were genuine. Though I'm not going to lose all hope yet since as I said I don't consider any of my past relationships to have been very serious...

In terms of family, I agree in that I find it a rather indecent thing to say. I guess this could possibly be attributed to my Asperger's due to my literal idea of semantics and phrases only being applicable in one context as opposed to various, and so it seems indecent to say to a family member that you love them when the phrase is used in other contexts vastly different.



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17 May 2011, 9:52 pm

mechanicalgirl39 wrote:
I do mean it, I just dislike being obliged to say it. I show love by giving advice, listening when something is wrong, etc. Saying 'I love you' on the other hand definitely feels mildly indecent and embarrassing.


I'm with you on the showing love vs. just saying it.

It's sort of physically hard for me to say "I love you" out loud...I don't even like writing/typing it to someone. When I do verbalize the words "I love you", it usually takes like 5 minutes before I spit the words out. It's unfortunate because in the relationships where we said "I love you", my partners have wanted me to say it all the time :?


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