Am I, aren't I?

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Hello ppl. I'm a 62 year old woman who thinks she is probably an Aspie, but wonders if she is kidding herself. I guess I would like to think that I am, because it would explain so much that I have not understood about my life. I don't want to ask for an formal diagnosis, but I have done 3 tests and score high as an Aspie. I tick off most of the symptoms listed for AS. My dad and brother were definitely not NT. There is a lot of OCD in my family on both sides.

The thing is, I have a good life really - forged my own path and answered to no one and have had a good career. I seem odd to others, but nothing more than that. But it has always felt as if I have been living my life through a gauze - not quite present - if that makes sense. I have been married twice and have three grown sons - but have never been in love. I don't really understand how that works. In fact I have lived alone and in celibacy most of my life and have been OK with that. Relationships are a mystery to me.

Interaction with others often leaves me bewildered - especially when I have copied the behaviour of others because it worked for them - then it doesn't work for me. What???

But when I read the posts of others, they don't seem to reflect my story or the way I am. So I'm not sure if I am an Aspie or not. I know its a spectrum and we are all different - but no one believes me when I say I think I have AS. Its not at all obvious. Has any one else had these sorts of feelings? Will you share with me please? Thank you.

CH

Hi Mysticmom,
I'm replying because I'm in a similar situation myself - I've wondered for over 10 years whether I am an Aspie but I have not got a diagnosis yet. Like you the response I get often is disbelief.

I don't know if this is useful for you to read, but when I told three friends of mine (one by one - I'm not great in groups!), their response was to attempt to invalidate what I was saying. In short, I got the feeling that this news didn't appear to suit them. All three are trained in counselling, all of them have worked mainly in the mental health field, as I have done too.

So my conclusion from this, is that it is best to go to independent experts, who will work with you without any bias, and to leave other people's opinions alone. I feel now that it doesn't matter how late in life I get my diagnosis - I want to know, and I feel its going to help me, and help others understand me better.

I also found a youtube video made by an american woman with AS - ( I think she got her diagnosis at roughly your age) extremely helpful. She went to see two assessors, the first said she wasnt Aspie - she saw the second who confirmed she was. She ended up going to see a third, to get a final idea about it. The third psychologist found she was Aspie as well!

I wanted to suggest that you get an appointment with your GP . ( If you're in the UK? - just realised I haven't got a clue what to suggest if you aren't ) this is what I have ended up doing, he has agreed to get me diagnosed - I'm waiting to hear where and when, but it feels as if something is happening. I wish you all the best with your search, keep us posted. Like you, I score high on the tests I've taken - and maybe like you, noone has told me I am an Aspie - but then again, there are so many undiagnosed women out there ....

all the best,
Shubunkin

ps the you tube video is on a channel called ajmmahari

Shubunkin - thank you. That's really helpful. Yes - UK.

Welcome mysticmom. It's said that it's hard to get a diagnosis in adulthood. (I don't have one either.) Then again, Michael John Carley is well known for saying, "If you think you have Asperger syndrome, you probably do."

No one believes me either. A psychotherapist friend thinks the idea of my having ASD is ludicrous. His sole experience with ASD is working with a "consumer" (hate that word) who is in his teens and has an obsession with a certain metal band. He never saw all the energy it's taken for me to appear normal and how I still falter in so many ways.

I'm pretty sure if I'd been assessed in childhood, I'd be a shoe-in.

I admire that you've lived your life on your terms. Somehow I can appreciate living one's life through gauze, as if you're "not quite present." I often feel like I'm divorced from the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm looking through a lens. (Maybe that's why I like photography so much.)

Relationships are also a mystery to me. I've had many people pass through my life - I can attract others, yet I have no staying power in relationships. There have been times when social fatigue and depression have caused me to push good people away, often to their bewilderment. One plus - I'm far less apt to entertain abusers than when I was much younger. Knock wood.

Here's a thread you might be interested in - http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt172578.html

Thank you for your reply. It all helps me.

Blessings.

If it fits you, gives you peace knowing you aren't alone..and you don't want therapy for it right? then why even consider what people who don't truly know you and aren't you have to say?