Do you make eye contact?

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That's a bit like me, except I have to force myself to look at them for the first few seconds, but after that it gets really tough to do so, and I began to feel physically sick and emotionally drained after doing so.

...Also, does anyone not like talking to an NT shorter or taller than you?
- I severely dislike doing so because every time, it's like you're being forced to make eye contact or move to their eye level, otherwise you look like a complete weirdo; staring over their head or bellow the top half of their face.

See, I really want to go in and see about getting officially diagnosed, but I worry that this is gonna be a big issue for me...because I'm very good at seeming to have normal eye contact. When I was in the group home and had to rote memorize social skills the first step was always usually: Look at the Person. I got really good at doing so because I was always getting into trouble and had to practice it. Honestly though, I usually don't like TALKING to people when I'm looking at them. I always make a point of having a conversation with people at times I won't have to look at them in the face. I do it so naturally that people don't really realize that there is a reason...but I know I have reasons for ALL my actions. I usually talk to people when we're in the car together so I don't have to look at them or when they are sitting on the computer, or we are sitting facing the same direction watching something. In other times I tend to stare at people...I am not so much scared of eyes themselves as I am of looking people in the eye while I'm trying to express something. So when I'm not talking I have a tendency to stare and evaluate the details of how they look. I think eyes are pretty so the various forms fascinate me...I can creep people out that way pretty often. ....However, I worry that when I go in...people are gonna see this well adjusted individual who can talk to people really well...and not see the troubling and difficult events that had to occur for that to present itself.

I'm quite soon going to start the diagnostic process and I too, am afraid of this because I know my struggles and aspie traits; I'm very good at seeming normal on the outface, therefore they might misdiagnose me or completely miss it altogether...what makes it even worse is that my Asperger's manifests itself differently, in the stereotypical way that is shown in most females.

I make good eye contact when I want - that is no fake. Just by few people for unknown reasons (maybe if they are too intrusive, emotional or demanding in some ways) I block off. I have absolutely no issues with making eye contact with people that I know well.

I have to force myself to do it; it takes a lot of concentration to maintain a semi-normal eye contact AND keep speaking without stuttering (I usually save it for things like job interviews...I'm so nervous at these I have to do my best not to stutter)...everyone else can just go to the underworld

Well, what I did when I talked to my GP about my referral, was I just didn't try to hide my differences anymore; trying to put on an act makes you exhausted and uncomfortable at the same time, and it was a RELIEF to finally not have pretend anymore...my GP was very understanding, and didn't patronize me nor did she pressure me to make eye contact etc.

...to cut my rambling short, I say you should just be yourself- if you don't feel comfortable making eye contact, then don't do it; if it makes you more comfortable then explain to the person that you don't like making eye contact. (I remember doing this a few years ago when a person lodging in my house picked up on my rather odd behavior- lack of eye contact, and she was completely understanding of it.)

^
this

if you can afford it, seek another evaluation
my daughter fits the criteria, and after listening to a lengthy explanation of why everything points to aspergers was told that it he will not say it is because:
1) she has friends (albeit on a very immature level with trouble maintaining friendships)
2) she has classic OCD (which for some reason the psych wouldn't acknowledge as a co-morbid)
3) this is the best of all---he's never seen a female with aspergers

I wish I could afford to get a second opinion, but being that I can't, we're treating the situation at home as if it is with great results

I didn't make eye contact intal I was 14 years old.

I'm not a big fan of eye contact. All in all it seems pretty random to me and I have no idea what is normal and abnormal or whether I do it right or not. I do know a couple of things I do, that feel weirdly wrong.

Sometimes in conversations if I look at someone while they are speaking and they eyeball me back, it's like I have sort of poured myself into them, it feels a bit like drowning and becomes intense to the point where I get tears in my eyes. I can see them tearing up right back at me and I'm sure they think it's a manifestation of extraordinary empathy on my part, but really I feel it is the contact itself rather than the subject matter that has set me off. Except in special circumstances, when I am actually emotionally engaged with the person and the subject matter, I don't like this one little bit because it makes me feel like a fraud, that I have scored points on false pretences. When it happens I break eye contact just as fast as I can and avoid it thereafter.

The other thing I know I do is, even when I am giving plenty of eye contact while talking (especially when advocating), and while the other is speaking (to the point of staring), I always drop it while considering my answer. I reckon that must look really shifty but there's nothing I can do about it; I simply cannot think and maintain eye contact at the same time. I think I'm okay, though, as long as I already know what I am going to say, so I guess that's saying it's good to prepare.

i dont make eye contact when pepole are speaking to me.
i dont look at them.

I too force myself to make eye contact. I can only hold it for maybe 2-3 seconds and then I look away. I noticed about 3 years ago that when I would talk to someone, I would be looking at their mouth! So now I try not to let that happen. I noticed that a lot of people here say they often just stare either at people or objects or just into space. I have always done this. I was never diagnosed with AS or anything and people just think I'm weird. When you are staring blankly, are you thinking of anything or is your mind just blank? Mine is usually just blank.

I've only started working on my eye-contact recently. Before I would either not look at people at all or stare at them. Now I make sure I focus somewhere between the eyes for several seconds and then glance away for a few. I also have to watch my posture and body language so I can show that I'm engaged in a conversation. It's really difficult, but I think I'm slowly getting better. I still can't get myself to look at the faces of strangers while walking, though, unless I have to. :c

Last edited by Lazoriss on 21 Jan 2012, 1:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

i think i barely make face-contact let alone eye-contact. although now i realise that i try to look up more

I do that too, except I don't look between their eyes but their nose instead. I also can't seem to look at them for very long either and have to glance away, a lot; I also glance away when they glance away, so I can get at least a little mental and social break from the conversation.

Thanks for starting this topic!

I am also looking into a possible diagnosis of Asperger's (for myself) and don't think I have any qualitative difficulties with eye contact. Well, I have to force myself to do it when I don't like someone or when I feel uncomfortable in a situation, but I don't think that's particularly out of the ordinary.

exactly this ^^