Continually being excluded

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I'm just curious because I know that no matter how much I try to tell myself that it does not bother me, it truly does. I've always been excluded from events or invites since mid or late elementary school. I was too young to know the difference when I was an elementary school so I would shamelessly ask the person having the birthday party if I could come. I think it kinda shamed them since I thought we were friends so they begrudgingly obliged.

In middle school I started noticing that they were purposely trying to not invite me. Luckily for me, I found a group of outcasts to hang out with so everything seemed fine. After all, we were all kind of strange so we stuck together.

Then came high school... I can painfully say that I've never been to a high school "party" and don't know what one is like. I was only invited once to a birthday party by a foreign exchange student from Afghanistan, who I do miss dearly! I think that I was sort of in my own world during this time as well, so I wasn't completely aware that everyone was hanging out outside of school and doing things that teenagers are supposed to do. My Friday nights were spent on my computer and chatting with my best friends from middle school (I moved out-of-state).

I think I've only became aware of it because of work. I've worked at several jobs, all which were by big companies so it was easier not to notice things and people were more tactful. At my current job, it's fairly small. I notice co-workers and managers leaving at the same time to have lunch, conversing, etc. I do feel very left out. And then I noticed that they all hang out outside of work and one of my co-workers who I always drop off at her house since she has no car (and I'm such a nice person, I figured I would want someone to do the same for me) slipped out that everyone was at the fair today. I asked her what she meant in the break room and I could tell she felt bad and quickly corrected herself saying friends from high school, which I know is absurd since all her friends are from college.

I'm transferring as a junior to a university and I'm a bit afraid. Afraid of being excluded and sitting in my room like a loser since no one wants to hang out with me. How do I cope or am I the only one that suffers from this?!

You are not the only one who experiences this. This has been the case for me since childhood as well and even though I'm a loner by nature, it hurts to feel like you are being deliberatly excluded. One thing that I have discovered from talking with people at work I feel comfortable with is that because I tend to have "flat affect" (my emotions don't show on my face), other people think that I am not interested in being included. They are right in many cases, and it's really not fair to expect them to read my mind and know which activities I want to be included in. Something I have found that can help is asking someone that seems to be okay with me if I can join in something minor like going out to lunch. They seem pleased that I am interested in going and then I can see how we interact on a very casual social basis. I have been asked to join in on other things later by these people, and have found that after a couple of outings I don't have to say yes to every invitation to continue to be invited.

I have it happen all of the time at my work-I am not only excluded-I am lied to about whats going on by the people excluding me and also if they have an inkling of me going to do something like go to a meeting of my adult aspergers support group-they try to interfere as best as they can to keep me from going-they seem to get pleasure in doing this to me--it's not just you going through stuff like this-they don't want to have me around unless they need something and isolate me-I guess to teach me a lesson-well thats the wrong thing to do to a person who is already feeling isolated is to isolate them some more-that will assuredly teach me how to act and be accepted-NOT!-it just makes me feel singled out and really does wonders for my self esteem and makes me resentful of people for doing that to me.

the thing i hate most is when people are talking about something nearby and then they realise you can hear and invite you so they don't seem rude. you have to say no because you don't want to be the unwanted guest who is only there because someone felt too embarassed not to invite you.
or when someone says something to you about an event that you already know everyone has been invited to and you have to admit that you haven't been invited. awkward.

i wish they wouldnt in those situations, everyone knows theyre only doing it out of politeness/pity and its just an embarrassment.

I've spent my life being excluded, too, and I'm about as used to it as it is possible to be. In other words, it hurts but there's nothing that can be done about it other than to get on with things.

I have found the trick is to meet people who are strange, mental, phobic, disabled, elderly, or recent immigrants -- all of whom are themselves isolated and uninvited and are more likely to treat you respectfully and truly appreciate your company.

Co-workers are a dead loss and there is no cure for their nastiness, in my opinion, so why bother with them at all. They'll all eventually wind up in old-age nursing homes themselves in due time, wishing someone -- anyone -- would visit them, even if only by volunteers out of pity or kids doing community service for high-school credit.

I've had this a lot throughout school. I found it extremely embarassing if anything. I didn't really want to go anyway, but I hated feeling like the only loser who didn't get asked. And of course, I wanted people to like me.

I was sometimes oblivious to it if it wasn't done in front of me. For example, my second to last year of high school, my best friend had a birthday and invited a bunch of people. She told me she would do something with me the next day. I was just like, yeah whatever, all good. I didn't really want to hang out with those people anyway.

When I told mum she got really angry and went off about her being rude and a bitchy and nasty and I seriously didn't realise what was so nasty about it until years later - she was embarrassed of me.

Eventually the people let her down and didn't go, so she came crawling back to me and I went. Mum wasn't so forgiving though. She was making angry comments about "abandoning your loyal friends".

I used to go to a support group for a couple years. I fancied that most of the women there were my friends. There was this annual medieval fair event that I had been wanting to go to for years. I overheard two of the women from the support group say they were going. Now these same women had shared a room with me when a group of us went to a seminar out of state, so it wasn't as if we didn't know each other very well. Innocently, I asked I might go along with them because they had gone before and knew the way. They vaguely agreed to allow this, but later made the classic excuse of their being no room in the car for me. I cried for a week.

I wasn't really invited to parties and to hang out much until I got to college. I guess I just didn't "click" with high school people. >.<