Understanding female friends?

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I am at a loss here and I need abit of help in understanding the behaviour of NT female friends and their obsession with gossip and drama and they way you act. I have two friends who at the moment are so hard to understand its beyond my level of thinking if you know what I mean. I have been threatened by this one NT female friend all because I didnt go over her place and have a coffee why? Why go out of your way to make one other persons life as uncomfortable as possible because that person didnt turn up to have a coffee with them I dont get the logic of it all, she is now being so vandictive she is bad naming me and putting me down to a piece of dirt on facebook and disgussing me to strangers and how bad I am and that I am Aspergers and talk about it all the time all because of something so trivial and silly, its like a storm in a tea cup shakes head. She got so upset because I couldnt understand what all the fuss was about in the first place and made no emotion or react in the way NTs normally do that she got so angrey she said she was sick to death of people with aspergers and hates me being Aspie why? She is so frustrated because I dont react in the way she wants me too and bite the way that NTs do it frustrates her and angers her she cant get to me the way she can to my other friend who reacts with such aggressive behaviour its disturbing and shes worse than me when I have my meltdowns. I am beyond understanding in this situation its beyond my capability of even understanding at all I have no idea. My other NT female friend who is a friend of this NT female also seems to have a problem with me being Aspergers as well and seems to down grade me to a piece of dirt and try and change my entire personality, behaviour and way of thinking and way of life to suit her like a control freak I am who I am and thats it I thought when I met them they would except me for me and not judge me for everything I do and for talking occassionally about my Aspergers. There have been situations which these two have dragged me into where I have had no understanding or concept of what was going on such as their constant gossiping about my other friends who have different disabilites from mental to physical disabilites and running them down and then when they see these friends they have just put down and gossiped about they are all nice and friendly too them I just dont get it. I dont appreciate getting told to harden the beep up everyday and stop acting the way I do all because they are not able to understand the reason why I do what I do and find it extremely annoying or frustrating I honestly dont get it. I only wish they would communicate with me about it and not to everyone else and put me down all because of the way I act and threaten me, abuse me all because I didnt go over this NT females house for a coffee and that I talk about Aspergers occassionally. I do not talk to my other friends who do understand me about my Aspergers,because they do accept me for who I am and understand my wierd behaviour at times and they help me to understand what is going on these two NT females on the other hand I have to constantly justify myself for the reason I have acted the way I did and explain about my Aspergers to try unsucessfully mind you to get them to understand but its not working. What am I to do? One of the NT female friends her mother in law also thinks the same thing and she is in her 60s and I have listened to her constructive critisums as a mature adult I have sat for ages trying to fully understand what she has said she feels that I go on to much about my aspergers and that she thinks Im doing it to get attention and that it gets rather repeatative and annoying hence the reason why this NT female said we are getting sick to death of you going on about your Aspie all the time. There are just some situations which I have no idea on how to construct myself on how to act, react or even what emotion or expression I am to do or take I sit there like a statue staring into space not knowing what to do next like a maniquine is it because of that, that makes them upset or what is it? or is it that I am not expressing any emotion to what they are doing and its frustrating them because Im not doing anything but staring into space and in my own world which they are constantly yelling at me to get out of. I tend to annalyas things alot instead of reacting with emotions the way people expect me to do which annoys them even more and they call me dumb and stupid because I didnt react emotionally like a NT would and I tend to annalyas alot I read between the lines and try and see what they are really saying. If anyone can shed some light on this one Id be happy to hear from you because I have no idea. I dont mean to sound stupid I just dont get it.

I have no female friends, I used to have some and one of them tried to steal my boyfriend. Wonderful. At least you do have some, I have to deal with my boyfriend's friends haha. Anyway if they are truely your friends, they would put your interests before theirs

Their gender and being neurotypical are not the issue. They are superficial, catty people who make others miserable. Period. You need to associate yourself with people who are more real and have depth.

She sounds like one of my cousins, and I visibly cringed reading this description. I bet you that this friend is bossy too. Would you agree with that assessment?

I understand that many aspies can be desperate for a friend so they clutch onto the people who are the most extroverted or possibly someone who does most of the talking and initiative when it comes to social things. But these female NTs are not friends.

Friends don't:

-put you down
-tell you that they hate a certain aspect of you
-become inconsiderate of your feelings
-misunderstand you on purpose
-make you uncomfortable
-blame you for everything
-become disrespectful of your time
-refuse to apologize for their unreasonable behavior against you



Why don't you talk to these friends? They are your true friends. Stop hanging out with the people who make you uncomfortable and hang out with the ones who do make you feel comfortable.



Do these female friends make you feel bad? Or do you have no emotional reaction to what they do to you? Do you feel anxious, scared, jumpy when she yelled at you for not drinking coffee with her? You should not be around someone who makes you feel even slightly bad. If it is something that happens rarely, it is okay. We make mistakes. But if this happens a lot then there is a problem.

Let me know if this helped. I was in a similar situation, and I am concerned about you.

Maybe she's just a b!tch. Not that I'm the expert on NT women but I certainly know NT women who don't like drama. Or perhaps she thinks she is doing you a favor by "helping" you.


My other NT female friend who is a friend of this NT female also seems to have a problem with me being Aspergers as well and seems to down grade me to a piece of dirt and try and change my entire personality, behaviour and way of thinking and way of life to suit her like a control freak I am who I am and thats it I thought when I met them they would except me for me and not judge me for everything I do and for talking occassionally about my Aspergers. There have been situations which these two have dragged me into where I have had no understanding or concept of what was going on such as their constant gossiping about my other friends who have different disabilites from mental to physical disabilites and running them down and then when they see these friends they have just put down and gossiped about they are all nice and friendly too them I just dont get it. I dont appreciate getting told to harden the beep up everyday and stop acting the way I do all because they are not able to understand the reason why I do what I do and find it extremely annoying or frustrating I honestly dont get it. I only wish they would communicate with me about it and not to everyone else and put me down all because of the way I act and threaten me, abuse me all because I didnt go over this NT females house for a coffee and that I talk about Aspergers occassionally. I do not talk to my other friends who do understand me about my Aspergers,because they do accept me for who I am and understand my wierd behaviour at times and they help me to understand what is going on these two NT females on the other hand I have to constantly justify myself for the reason I have acted the way I did and explain about my Aspergers to try unsucessfully mind you to get them to understand but its not working. What am I to do? One of the NT female friends her mother in law also thinks the same thing and she is in her 60s and I have listened to her constructive critisums as a mature adult I have sat for ages trying to fully understand what she has said she feels that I go on to much about my aspergers and that she thinks Im doing it to get attention and that it gets rather repeatative and annoying hence the reason why this NT female said we are getting sick to death of you going on about your Aspie all the time. There are just some situations which I have no idea on how to construct myself on how to act, react or even what emotion or expression I am to do or take I sit there like a statue staring into space not knowing what to do next like a maniquine is it because of that, that makes them upset or what is it? or is it that I am not expressing any emotion to what they are doing and its frustrating them because Im not doing anything but staring into space and in my own world which they are constantly yelling at me to get out of. I tend to annalyas things alot instead of reacting with emotions the way people expect me to do which annoys them even more and they call me dumb and stupid because I didnt react emotionally like a NT would and I tend to annalyas alot I read between the lines and try and see what they are really saying. If anyone can shed some light on this one Id be happy to hear from you because I have no idea. I dont mean to sound stupid I just dont get it.[/quote]

Why are you friends with these girls?

Thankyou for all of your inputs. I agree. I honestly have no idea what possessed me to be friends with these two Im still asking the same question myself. I seem to be making the same mistake with making friends and I seem to draw and I seem to be drawn to people who boss me and control me and put me down all the time why I do not know. I certainly dont like it at all. I get myself in such a stituation that I cant get out of it without my parents or the authority intervining and solving the issue. Im no good at this no good at all.

If there is a consistent theme in your life of people bossing you around and trying to control you then that might indicate that you just don't say no to people and define your boundaries as much as you should.

I'm tired of my NT friends...there are only a couple of women I still talk to. I do believe at least 3 are ASPIE too! One took the ASPIE test a couple of days ago and said proudly "I'm an ASPIE!" lol Funny, I don't think she knows what it is. But, she's one friend I have had for years (over 13) and have NEVER had a problem with. She does have many issues with male relationships. I was told by someone the other day that some women here thought I was "a little weird"...good...I think they are "a bit superficial and stupid"...

This is exactly why I don't have many NT female friends...all they care about is the latest gossip and drama, plus they are so obsessed with how they look!

I do agree about the fact that I have to stand up and say No more and set some boundries. I am so concerned about hurting peoples feelings that Im too scared to say what I need to say just in case I get blown up, belted up or end up having a brick thrown through my window which is what happened in my last friendship with a male and a female who both had disabilites and made my life a living hell I said No and paid the conequences for saying No. Ive been abit scared since to do or say anything after that.

I agree with setting boundries I feel it saves all the misunderstandings and lack of communication and fights. I did talk about boundries to both these two NT females but they were not interested or willing to listen and one of them said they would belt me the next time I went on about boundries and that she was sick to death of hearing about boundries and constantly told me dont talk to me about boundries.

Well I have decided not to associate with these two NT females and have changed my facebook privacy settings and changed my profile I have also purchased a new sim card and have a new phone number so I cant be reached by these two and I havent been answering the door to them they will soon get the hit and hopefully go away I hope.the misunderstandings and lack of communication and fights. I did talk about boundries to both these two NT females but they were not interested or willing to listen and one of them said they would belt me the next time I went on about boundries and that she was sick to death of hearing about boundries and constantly told me dont talk to me about boundries.

Well I have decided not to associate with these two NT females and have changed my facebook privacy settings and changed my profile I have also purchased a new sim card and have a new phone number so I cant be reached by these two and I havent been answering the door to them they will soon get the hit and hopefully go away I hope.

I would just tell them what your issues are with them. You probably didn't realize it but hoping that they will "get the hint" isn't the same as defining your boundaries and standing up for yourself.

I wouldn't approach them in an angry way though, because they are not mind readers and probably didn't know they were crossing the line with you on many occasions, as you did not tell them. I would simply tell them "I've decided that maybe we just aren't each other's friend type because you both seem to have a lot of issues with me and I don't intend on changing. So I think it'd be best if we part ways."

If you want to end the friendship...fine. But you should give them an explanation for it at the very least. If there mad...so be it. Your not friends with them anymore, it shouldn't matter. Cause if you just step away without no explanation, your leaving them in the dark, they have a right to know.

I had a friend like that once and Im glad I did step away from the friendship. She didnt accept me for me, she wanted me to change. Not all NTs are like that. Its hard to find NTs that accept you but its possible.

most of them are really petty, and youll find that they have nothing better to do with their lives. i dont see them ever changing, and they dont grow out of it.
i know how hard it is, ive had the same done to me many many times. especially because i wouldnt go out for a drink with them, so some how that logically made me a whore which spread like wild fire.
but you know... what a pathetic existence their life must be, to spend all their time on such bitter vindictive and hollow things. its quite clear they have no kind of personality. i wonder if there is a soul? hahahaha
and they always go for the people that do have personality and the ones who show something special. you could take it as a compliment in a way. they always go for the good people, theyre cowardly and petter and they are an exmaple of what never to be like.
i doubt theyll get anywhere special in life, and that kind of behaviour always has consequences in the end


i wouldnt bother your time explaining to them, because they know what the are doing, and the more you fuel them, the bigger their flames will be. they are worth the cold shoulder and not any of your time

i wanted to say too, always remember you're a good person.....no one should be allowed to do bad stuff to you, or say negative things

They sound terrible! Not all NT females are like that. I have a NT female friend that I have been friend with since I was in 3rd grade.