Relationship rut

Post Reply New Topic

Hello fellow women,

I'm seriously stuck in a rut here. I've been having lots of relationship troubles lately. I'll give a bit of a backround on this, ok so I've been going out for almost 4 years with my boyfriend now and this is my first relationship (it's his second). We've lived together for almost a year and we live with his family. Ever since I've moved in with him (not a deliberate choice) its been going downhill. We're talking things like not spending any couple time together (going out on dates, seeing movies together), arguing all the time and when it comes to sex I'm very disinterested. I don't feel like there is any love anymore and felt this way since we hit the 2 year mark. So I've been trying to be patient and listen to him, organise outings etc but to no avail. We don't even talk to each other as much anymore, the only time we talk to each other is when we fight.

Today, he left an article on double standards on his computer. "Double standards are good sign that your relationship is going downhill" so I asked him about it, he didn't want to talk about it. Now it's gotten me paranoid that he is looking to break up with me. He isn't telling me his problems so I have no clue what is going on!

Also, he has been fapping to porn most nights. I have no problem with porn but he chooses to do that instead of spending time with me. It's depressing, I don't know what I'm doing wrong and I feel like my relationship is going downhill alright. Ladies, give a fellow woman some help here?

I'm a woman (age 44), with a lot of experience, but I don't think you're going to like my answers:

1) he's fapping because you won't have sex with him. Pure and simple. Either find a way to have sex with him or let him have his fapping. You can't have it both ways.

2) you're much, much, much too young to be in a relationship with this level of commitment and responsibility. It's not enough that you're living together so absolutely young (after being involved since age 16????), but you're living with his family, too? That's way too much pressure, in my opinion.

3) his passive-aggressive crap with leaving something on the computer and then refusing to talk about it. Yeah, I would not put up with that s**t. This is boy behavior that means, "I'd like you to leave now, but without a huge scene, please."

Stick a fork in your relationship. Until both of you grow up and/or both of you are committed to working on it and compromising a lot, I see that there's nothing left here. You got into it too young and you've changed too much/are done with each other. Your problems are only compounded because of the difficulty of your living situation.