Diff between "special interest" and real love

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How do you tell the difference between being infatuated by a man who becomes your "special interest", and real feelings of love for the person? I think the two are not necessarily mutually exclusive, but I fell into this trap years ago when I married. Now divorced and aware of my aspieness, scared of repeating history.

By having your own special interests and diligently keeping up with them. Do not allow this man to replace them (as much as you might want him to). If you keep feeling like this when you see him. Then it could be love. But if you would rather do your SI than see him, maybe it isn't.

I found myself wanting to share my SI's with him...to share his with him as well. Some of our SI's overlapped and this is where the real fun began. We both love furniture shopping and planning, we both love books and fantasy, myths, poetry, music, movies, technology, staying in, playing board games, cooking, cars,....wow, you know something? I never realized how much we really DO have in common until I was actually listing them here.

I would definitely rather do him than the special interest. That's so easy why didn't I figure that out myself. Thanks.

I know the feeling of making and not wanting to repeat that mistake.

Time helps, I think you usually can't have love until you know plenty about the other person, and they know you. I think most relationships are just "lust" and attraction and filled with excitement/newness for the first months.

Also I would say sacrifice. At some point you really start caring about them, like you do for yourself. (It's a common saying you have to love yourself first, and I would agree that is pretty big in being able to have a healthy relationship.)

I make a distinction between loving someone and "being in love with" them. That other thread about falling in love is good. I don't know if I can capable of it. I think there's all kinds of shades and types of love.