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I am 54. Discovering I am an aspie was a long process. My whole life I heard " you live on another planet". I was born and lived most of my life in an est european country with a very limited access to information. I got my first computer when I was 47, and like any aspie I start digging for information. First I found I have prosopagnosia. I cannot recognize faces. When I see myself suddenly in a mirror I need seconds to realize it is me. For me a face is blured spot. Because I have very limited contact with other people, I found this normal many years. Now I understand why I have only few memories, why I tend to be completly absorbed by a new ideea or activity and why I have no friends. I blamed myself years and years for being unable to love a guy. Don't missunderstand me. I have emotions and they can be very intense and for long term. I loved my dog with the same intensity and freshness I did in the first day I got him. Now he's dead and I lost my way. Getting older....I have less energy and enthusiasm, I have no desire of human contact, I tend to be more and more focused on one subject or another and I am in an endless depresion. My whole life was a fight about keeping me somehow in light. Trying to keep silence in my mind. Now I'm drowning in a deep mudy, noisy hole. It is over my power. I am more and more resistant to new things and situations. I don't know if is menopause or moving to America. I never felt "home". For me living in a place or another was like waiting in a buss station. No conection to that place or people. I wasn't happy, I wasn't unhappy, I simply did not care. But in years I become more and more uncomfortable to any change. I never like driving, but now, driving to a new destination gives me panik attacs. I always had a very high level of anxiety, but I also had better moments. But in the last years, all this hormonal changes plus moving to America make my life very hart. Sometimes I just want to run away from my mind.

There, there. Don't fret now. You're among friends here at Wrong Planet. This place is like a depository, if you will, for lost and troubled souls. I've ran into a few snags along the way, but it is like life and the people here are real. Some of the same attitudes you'll find in real life also exist here. That can't be helped. Still, it's better than being truly alone.

it is very hard to move to a new country. any move ranks high on the scale of things that cause extreme stress. time and patience will help you adjust. stress makes anxiety worse. please get a new dog. cuddling with him will help your stress, as will exercise, and practicing conscious relaxation (easiest is to focus on nothing but your own slow deep breaths). please don't stop driving. that will only make the anxiety worse and make it harder to get out. if you feel very sad for most of the day every day for two weeks, this could be depression and mean you should see a doctor.

Anab, looks like you've had a lot piled on you at once.
Menopause and those hormones can really be hard on a woman. (I'm finally finished with that, thank God. It seemed to intensify the need to be alone).
And a new pet should help, but if you've just recently lost him, I can understand reluctance to replace him. It took me six months to even think of getting another dog after losing Parker. Now I have Pixie, who is good company, someone to love. I know dogs aren't people, but they are persons. I think Aspie women benefit greatly from having a pet to love.

You mentioned "waiting in a bus stop."
All my life I've felt like I was waiting, always waiting for something. Not as much, anymore, since an illness left me housebound. Odd. I wonder if other Aspies feel like they're waiting.

I'll be praying for you.

All this forums are a blessing for me. Now I can understand me better. I am more aware fo my mistakes and weakness. I never missed anyone, not even my parents ( my mother had Huntington disease, what can you miss there?) I was married 3 times an had another 5 years relationship. No conexions with those guys. Just asking myself: what am I doing here? It seems Aspies have an unusual sense of getting stuck in bad relationship or finding jerks, being abused. I lost all my money, a fortune, helping others or leting me financialy abused. Reading what other people are saying I realize I need somebody to take care of me, or at least to keep a close eye on me. On the other hand I am planing to leave my husband. I am an inteligent woman, but I am an Aspie. Can I go alone, in a new country, new language, no connexions? Shall I stay under my husband's umbrella? I never had doubts living alone, but now I see myself in a differnt light. My life is a long row of mistakes...most of them because I am an Aspie. Being aware of my condition is enough to protect what is left of me? Life is a scary place!