Im confused, please help me.

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Hello girls i posted in here a few months ago asking for some advice on relationships, the advice and feedback i got was really helpful and worthwhile. Now i need some help again with relationships, and i hope you can help.

I posted a topic in love and dating about looking for a nice aspie girl, however something happened on sunday, totally unexpected and totally confusing. I will try to explain.

I have a friend about 16, she is NT, and i have known her about a year now, we have gotten along well, and the only problem we had was finding stuff to chat about. But thats getting better, i care for her a lot, she always maintained she just wanted to be friends, which i can easily respect and i made no attempt to pressure her to change that view, i did think one day we would be able to develop a closer relationship, i almost got my wish.

Yesterday she came over, since we had not done something together for a while, i put on an episode of Star trek: TNG for her to watch, then i put on the first series of the new Doctor Who, as we are both avid fans, i sat down next to her and we started watching.

Near the end we were pretty much close together and we started holding hands, one thing pretty much led to another, but to save on details, i will just say we got to 3rd base. It was a lovely time, and for the rest of the day i really thought, after over 2 years of searching, i had found someone who loved me. I was looking forward to seeing her the next day and i hoped things would only get better. i was not letting it get to my head, and i was going to see how tihngs developed in the next few weeks.

However it seems my luck with love, as it always seems to be, is very short lived and sad, i was about to post in my love and dating topic that it was now pretty much redundant, however then i got a text message form her, i hoped it would be something loving and happy, however i got this.

"Hi Chris, im sorry if i led you on yesterday, i really think we can only be friends, i don't think i love you like you do, and i am so sorry, im a really F**ked up person. love Emma xxx."

Once again my dreams of love have been shattered, it felt like a ton of bricks had just slammed into me at warp speed. and the break i had hoped for had not came. Im quite confused and saddended as to what i do, and i promised to see her in school today, but how can i face her now, and of course, her friends will probably know all about it and im going to get a lot of questions and harassment as before, im really nervous and scared, i've never been good at talking to girls, and i would never disrespect one of them. I care for this person, but now, what should i do next/ I want to maintain the friendship, but what happens now?

I hope someone will reply soon,

regards

Chris

Being 16 sucks (I´m 27 now but I remember all too well...). Her hormons got the better of her and now she´s sorry. If you want to stay friends with her you should just forgive and try to forget.
There must me lots of other girls at your school!
Good luck.

I wish i could know who i end up with. As my love life sucks, in the past 2 years since my last serious relationship, the few girls i have met have all let me down within a week. And it's upsetting and distressing for me as i really wish i had someone who lvoe me and to help make me feel needed and loved. Im fed up for being stuck at home or out with people who just don't seem to understand me as a person, i really wish i had someone everyone else seems to get lucky, so why do girls always need to be put off me. Surely one out there does nto feel repulsed by me. All i ever seem to get is something like this.
"Oh Chris, your a really sweet guy, your mature sensible, im suprised you don't have a girlfriend."
"So why don't you go out with me?"
"because i want to just be friends."
It's hard to describe how unhappy i am. I respect a girls values, but no-one seems able to cross that line. It's really unsettling i can;t find Miss right, here or anywhere else. despite my efforts. What the hell puts girls off me?!

My best tip for getting girls to notice you: start a band. (No, seriously!)

Well i would, but one, i don't know have to play an instrument, i can't sing, and i've no-one to form with Is there anything else i might be able to do, to be honest, i am pretty much sick to death of being single. Im not desperate, im not like a dog missing a master limb, i just want someone i can love and who can return it. is it too much to ask, in a world for over 5 billion people?

Topher,

I replied to your other thread, but after reading your post here, I have some thoughts.

Give yourself a break. Lots of guys go through this. You're taking something personally that most of the time isn't personal. Girls at this age don't know what they want any more than young guys, and what they think they want, they find they don't really like. Y'all are learning.

You're wanting love, and you have to start giving that to yourself, and please everyone, no jokes. As horny and skin hungry and affection starved for an intimate relationship as you are right now, you are now sending out desperate signals. That'll scare off potential girlfriends immediately.

You're going to have to learn to like yourself, and accept yourself, and start having fun in some way, and accept there are going to be dry spells. Thanks to MTV and crappy network television, every young person I talk to thinks they are gonna DIE if they aren't in a real relationship within weeks of the last one. And while you're living and hanging out doing your thing, you'll meet someone, and hopefully your social skills will kick in to realize it.

These years suck, and all I can say, is it will get better. You're already doing better than most Aspie boys, and if you keep at it, you'll meet your next girlfriend.

Just remember, you are loved by family and friends and people you may not even realize care about you. You have talents, and fun quirks and are an interesting person. You are doing great. Give yourself some credit.

Metta, Rjaye.

Thanks Rjaye, i guess part of my unhappiness is because i was not used to the sudden change of heart from this girl. I don't mean to sound desperate at all and im never going to kill myself for being single im not THAT desperate Thankfully i don't want MTV, im usually immersed on my computer so most of my TV updates comes from friends and family, although i always have time for Sci fi, which has given me a deecent imagination. I will try to get myself out of this slump i appear to have put myself in, and i will try to get back on track, but with exam results coming this week, i just hope they will help to give me a lift

I am guessing that maybe she got a little scared that things went as far as they did and she is unsure of herself. I would make sure you talk to her and be understanding of her feelings and give her some time to sort them out. This probably doesn't help you much but at least you can keep her as a friend. Better than nothing

Topher, just remember that this happens all the time with NTs as well. It isn't an Aspie specific thing although it may seem that way. Her line to you is fairly common. Obviously she feels badly or she wouldn't have taken the blame. Just go back to being friends. If she wants to talk about it, she will. She's still too young to know what she wants anyway.

I totally agree. I promise you that she feels just as confused as you do.

I agree, and what we have done is talked about it, we are friends again

Good. Just remember that this isn't an Aspie thing, okay? It happens all the time. It will be okay.

Well I am here to prove the 'girls fall in love with a***holes not descent guys' theory right.

This theory is very true in my mothers and fathers relationship. My Father is a kind open minded guy who just so happens to swear a lot but he is still a nice guy. His love is pure and I can't understand how he hasn't found a girlfriend after my parents divorce.

My mum however can be a down right arse about things and she isn't as open minded or nice. My mum is what some could label a 'snob.' The problem is that I always knew she was like this undercover but now she has fallen in love with... yes the areole and I fail to understand how she loves him but I have to say it must be in the sex but he is an a***hole all in the same.

This situation leaves me all in the same confused. My dad may have yelled a bit at my mum but one thing her boyfriend does is convert her opinion (keep in mind that my mum knows very little and he is a right-winged a***hole).

Now I know that most of this sounds like BS but it does have a point you see my mums resent boyfriend and her are more like a teenage relationship than a descent grown up one when they think they have found the answers to all their problems. I know different I can tell that the only reason why she likes him is because he is 6 months younger than her unlike my dad who is 10 years older and therefore there must be some spark in the sex that was missing with my dad. Also he has mussels so I can tell this is all sexual and no what they think is 'real love.'

You should also be easy on yourself because they are making the same mistake and they are in their 40's. Eventually all should go well.

Also if none of this made any link in your brain then I am sorry for wasting your time I think I was venting too because I really haven't told anyone I thought this way. I also like to rant

I carry the optimism i will find my soul mate one day I can assure everyone of that. I've not given up hope, it's just the fustraition i have had to endure along the way.