Never Mind.

Post Reply New Topic

Message removed.

Last edited by HisMom on 01 Dec 2015, 6:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I seriously wonder how anyone can stop their parents at 18 from making every decision about who can or cannot be in their life if their parents really want to. I mean, if this is the case, the parents will have always found convincing excuses to keep their child ignorant and helpless, denying them any chance to grow into a strong and independent adult so they can retain full control of their child’s life. Besides, since they’re busy with their own life, the way to accomplish this with minimal hassle is to keep their child’s life extremely simple, not letting them do anything very interesting.

I really admire people who can win against those odds.

I was given this advice many years ago for my daughter when she was being ignored and ostracized. I think it is good advice.

I acknowledge what is happening when it is pervasive even though the individual instances might be accidents. Validates her sense of reality and let's her turn to me for comfort. And I say that sometimes people do things that bother us/aren't nice/don't make sense, and we just don't understand why. And after being sympathetic offer something positive to do.

It really works. I would not help cover this up though, it will just make her angry with you.

I came in late. What was in the original post?

A problem her daughter is facing. I think maybe she felt like the amount of detail was too much but am not sure why she removed it.

The topic was what to say to your child when you know something that when they know (and they are going to figure out at least part of it) could hurt them.

As soon as they are old enough to know what you are talking about and can understand the explanation.

Telling your child she is adopted after keeping it secret from her for 30 years might be alright; but waiting until one of the kids at school tells her in a moment of spite at age 7 might be devastating to her.

For example, I knew something was odd about my date of birth as soon as I learned to count up to nine; only to have my suspicions confirmed by a relative who may not have approved of my parents' "forced" marriage 7-1/2 months before I was born, and which precipitated a fight between my parents when my dad blamed me for their marriage and my mom said she never wanted to marry him in the first place.

Try living with THAT for 50+ years!

Had my parents calmly explained it to me first, in a kind and loving way, I might not have had so much difficulty with self-esteem.

I agree, figuring out difficult things alone as a child is hard, we can try to give our kids our presence even when we can't give them what they say they want.