Hello - New to ASD and this Forum!

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Hello All,

I am a self-identifying woman with Asperger's. I have only recently come to this conclusion after doing a great deal of reading. Previously I have carried labels such as PTSD (because I dislike eye contact), Anxiety (duh) and Bipolar (not sure why, really). I have read that it is common for women to be misdiagnosed.

I have really struggled since at least nursery school where I remember being completely overwhelmed and frightened of the other children, the environment, the teachers, etc. My mom says I just went off by myself...and that's pretty much how it went from there. I was in and out of therapy since 11 years of age and always felt "wrong." I have memories of trying to change myself dramatically in an attempt to feel "safe."

I have long suspected ASD because of my "extreme" sensitivities, such as "normal" sounds being painful to me, disgust for clothing items, sensitivity to light, etc. I do not like to be touched and unexpected physical contact has led me to hit people I am easily "overstimulated," which I think was mistaken for mania. I find if I lie in a dark room with earplugs it helps, so I don't think that qualifies as mania or hypo-mania. I used to have rage attacks and meltdowns with extreme frequency, but very rarely now. The reason I ruled out ASD for a long time was that in my youth, I learned (falsely) that folks with ASD lack emotions.

Identifying with ASD has been a bombshell. It has been so difficult to look back and re-contextualize my life. I was bullied for many years, became a teenage mother, had an eating disorder, extreme depression, felt extremely lonely. I now function quite well for the most part. I quit my toxic job recently and now stay at home with my little one. Transitions are quite challenging for me, and it has been compounded by the realization that I have changed myself a lot to be "normal." I am super confused about what I need and want. I feel it's critical to figure this out, because with my 15 year old I simply fell apart when she was a toddler.

Another thing that is very confusing to me right now is formal diagnosis. I have a very poor memory of most my childhood and even 20's. So when I do the tests that ask about childhood behaviors, I haven't a clue much of the time. I have worked hard to extinguish certain behaviors, like lack of eye contact. I can now meet people's eyes although I do not like it. My mother is currently in Florida, but when she comes back in April we will look at the questionnaires together. I am not sure how much a formal DX matters. I know it can be difficult for females to obtain at times. And I am not certain I meet enough criteria - but I know I share many, many common characteristics and especially difficulties. For this reason, I feel a DX is almost a moot point. Opinions? How important is a DX to you all?

Thanks for reading my long message! to you all

Welcome to wrong planet

A diagnosis provides validation for your suspicions. Knowing what the cause of your issues is will help you and the clinicion trying to help you.
A diagnosis makes you eligible for benefits and accomodations including those for sensory sensitivities. Even if you do not need these now it is insurance in that you do not have to first start seeking a diagnosis when the need arises.

Having you mothers memories of your early years will be really helpful.