Clothing lament

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I know this has been discussed before, but I need to get this out.

Clothing is driving me nuts.

I only recently realized how much my choice of clothes are driven by my sensory issues. I didn't even realize I was having sensory issues more then other people. I have had multiple setbacks when it comes to feeling good in my clothes. I have been overweight since childhood. We were pretty low income, and had to shop for clothes at thrift stores, or accept hand-me-downs. I hated trying on clothes in the middle of the store since thrift stores rarely had dressing rooms. And I hated shopping in general (bright lights, people all around, having to make choices from millions of items). Results were, ill fitting, uncomfortable clothes that my mother picked out. To this day, I wonder if I hadn't of had uncomfortable clothes, if I would have done better in school because I would have been distracted less...

It has also taken me a long long time to figure out what things (style) I do like. I used to love to play dress up when I was really small, but I mostly was a "tomboy" as I grew up, mostly for the reasons above.

Anyway. Lamenting aside, I want to be able to feel good in my clothes now that I am almost 32 years old. I am still overweight, with an odd body shape and have trouble getting things to fit well (too big around chest, too small around tummy). I am still figuring out what cuts look good on me, and its really confusing!

I just recently figured out that I pretty much can only wear rayon or cotton materials without being itchy or distracting, I have to take the tags out of EVERYTHING, and remove any "western" collars off of button down shirts. So I am just super frustrated because I want to look nice, I want to reflect the things that I find attractive, reflect my "style". In order to do that, I am thinking my only option is to sew everything. And that takes lots of practice to get done correctly. I've tried by just altering the things I do own, but that is a lot of trial and error as well. I have already ruined a few things trying to alter them that I previously could wear because they were comfortable but didn't like to because it wasn't nice looking.

I have considered having things tailored professionally, but I am still on a fairly strict budget.

Anyone else struggles with this? Struggle to find the clothes that make you feel good ? Struggle knowing what to wear? What do you have to do? What are your struggles with clothes? Do you just feel like giving up and wearing anything?

If I could, I stay in my jammies all night and all day because they are comfortable. But since I have to leave the house and go to work, that's unacceptable to the outside world. There is no question about it for me, developing a wardrobe that looks good and feels comfortable is hard work. I am about 30 pounds overweight so that doesn't help. If I find something that works, I usually buy multiples. I shop online and try to look for specials where they have free shipping and free return shipping. Then I can try things on in the privacy of my home. I get a lot of women's clothing catalogs in the mail that I can take my time to browse. Blair and Woman Within are probably the ones I use most and the shopping channels HSN and QVC, they sometimes have free shipping and returns.

Thanks, that's an idea.
I should buy more multiples in the future. Difficult sometimes on a budget.

I hardly own any clothing because of this. Very few styles are both comfortable and fit my body type. I can only wear certain materials.

Things about clothing that irritate me:

Rough fabrics
Scratchy fabrics
Fabrics which don't "breathe"
Any fabric which may stick to my skin
Seams
Thread
Buttons
Collars
Turtlenecks
Cuffs
Belts
Elastic bands
Arm holes which are in the wrong place (too far out, too low, too big)
Anything the restricts my movement
Skirts
Dresses
Stockings
Bras
Lace

I like to wear clothing that clings to my body, yet has a lot of stretch and so allows freedom of movement. Jeggings, leggings, boxers, yoga pants, cotton t-shirts, cotton tanks, sweaters, etc. Basically nothing that really looks sophisticated or professional is comfortable to me. If I had a choice, I'd wear leggings or boxers and soft, stretchy t-shirts everyday. I can't wear clothing that is too big or loose because it catches on things, gets folds or wrinkles, and restricts my movement. So what I like to wear is like a second skin.

If I find something I like, I buy more of the same style in different colors if available. This is also true for shoes, which are even more of a problem for me. If I don't, expecting the same thing to be available the next season, it often isn't. Or it's still called the same thing, but the cut or fabric is different. I'd be so happy if I could just buy the same exact things year after year, but maybe in different colors.

What makes it even more difficult is that I'm quite short and thin. Clothing is not usually made small enough to fit. So I must special order most clothing. I have so much less to choose from, and that combined with my sensory sensitivities makes it almost impossible to find clothing. And incredibly stressful. I have no money to get my clothing tailored. Some things I can do myself, but it takes time.

I never look sophisticated or put together like other women. I do often feel like giving up. I often wish I were "normal" like everyone else.

I am going through this right now. I actually love fashion, I watch any fashion design program I can find, like Project Runway. However, as a mom of a toddler and teenager, I have decided that what I wear needs to be really comfortable and practical. I have enough difficulties taking care of myself and my kids to worry about being fashionable. Also, fashion is highly, highly subjective. Just watch a few episodes of any fashion design show - you will see items being praised that may be horrendous in your own opinion.

There are "classic" pieces considered to be fashionable, such as a-line dresses and skirts, a trench coat, etc. Then there are trends, which may last only a season, or perhaps a few years. So really you have to have a certain budget, body type and awareness level to follow trends. Or you can stick with classic pieces that always look sophisticated - but may not be most comfortable. Ideally classic pieces would be made of high quality fabrics such as cotton and wool, which may be tolerable if it is a nice blend and is lined. The idea is to invest in these pieces, which when made correctly, should last many years.

I read something quite interesting - evidently it is considered fashionable and ok for a woman to wear the same sort of outfit every day. Specifically, the woman I was reading about wore a "uniform" of jeans, boots and a black turtleneck everyday. So she had perhaps a few different turtlenecks and pairs of jeans. This was a neurotypical woman, as far as I could see. In fact, those pieces are pretty classic and in the correct fabrics, can be quite comfortable and "stylish."

Cotton and rayon are my go - to fabrics as well. Rayon is typically only suitable for draping, so if you want to go that direction you may want to consider proportion. A loose rayon top with leggings can look quite nice. Or if you are ok with dresses, a maxi dress made with rayon can be quite nice. I cannot tolerate fitted sleeves - so I often look for "bat wing", "buttlerfly" or "dolman" sleeves. Cotton can be more versatile, it will be ok in structured garments such as jeans. Overwhelmingly work wear seems to be polyester, which I just don't do. If you work, I would consider flowy rayon dresses. They should work in most employment situations if you are ok with that style. If you dislike fitted pants, try palazzo pants, which are loose wide leg rayon or jersey pants. Wear with a soft cotton tank, etc.

I have a credit card with Kohls, a store in the U.S. With the card, I can usually get 30% off with free shipping and free in store returns. I try them on at home, take a few days to think about it, etc. Amazon.com offers free returns on a lot of apparel.

Also, if you are anything like me you may DESPISE bras. Unfortunately, at a 36 DD I kind of have to wear one or I am uncomfortable. Here are a couple of the most comfortable I have found:

http://www.amazon.com/French-Nursing-Ma ... e_o04_s01v

(By far the most comfortable bra I have ever worn - however it provides only basic support - may not look nice under all garments. It is made for maternity, but I went with medium for 36DD and it works fine.)

http://www.amazon.com/Vanity-Fair-Cover ... ge_o02_s01

(Very versatile, should look nice under most garments unless you are wearing a plunge neck. This offers really good support at least up to a DD without underwire. You should be able to find this style in U.S. stores as well.)

Finally, you may want to ask yourself if fashion is really that important to you or if you just feel like you need to fit in. There is a difference between being ungroomed and wearing sweats to work and a situation where you are groomed but subjectively you feel not as "stylish" as other women. Again, if you watch a fashion design program, you will see the designers themselves have very interesting and unique styles that you probably won't see on the street too much. And yet, we look at them and think, unique and artistic, not silly and autistic. My teenage daughter (ADD but no autistic traits) doesn't follow trends or fashion. She wears what she likes. She uses fabric paint to make anime designs on her clothes. She doesn't care what people think and I am so proud of her for that. Good luck, hope some of this helps!

That would be lovely. To not have to make any decisions. Gah. Good to know that we can get away with that.



I love that style. Do you know the specific names for types of rayon? I love the kind that they make for the hippie looking "one size fits all" dresses, and i was thinking maybe of trying to buy the same type of fabric.



I don't keep up with trends at all. I just need something classic like you mentioned, that flatters my body and I would like it to have a little of my "style". I end up wearing a lot of cotton button down shirts because they are comfortable and not form fitting and "work" clothes, but I end up looking more masculine than I really want. I love the rayon dress idea, if I can find some. Thanks!

I know right?


I work with an aspie gal who although she isn't a nurse, wears scrubs. (I work in a medical office) At least those never change year after year, and you can always order them!

oh wow my fabric issues do not even come close. damn.

i just cant stand wearing socks that aren't the same height, thickness, and tightness. mismatched is fine as long as they feel the same.
i also find tight spandex/nylon and meshy materials to be frustrating.
tags for sure.
and lingerie with lace that touches my skin.

i am also quite short and thin, and i find that children's clothing is much more comfortable, cheaper, and fits me well.

I have no sensory issues when it comes to clothing. I did when I was a kid.

The three main types of rayon are viscose, modal, and lyocell (also known as tencel).

Regular rayon or viscose is usually very stretchy, which is part of why it's so comfortable, but it also tends to lose its shape over time. It has a low wet strength, so it is prone to shrinking when wet and then stretching back out when it dries or is worn. It will also stretch from just hanging on a hanger in the closet (even a padded hanger). I buy a lot of shirts that are marked rayon or viscose, and they are so lightweight and comfortable but inevitably they stretch out in the shoulders from being on a hanger...or sometimes they just stretch out all over until they at least a size too big. A full dress made of rayon will have a lot more weight pulling on the shoulders so be careful choosing a style, whether you buy one or decide to make one, pay attention to how the shoulders are constructed. If you decide to make anything out of rayon, you should probably prewash the material.

Modal has a much higher wet strength and tends to be more durable, especially when it is blended with cotton which it often is. I don't have any experience with sewing clothes, but my best guess is modal would be a lot easier to work with.

Lyocell/tencel is usually (if not always?) made from eucalyptus fibers and it is fantastic for bed sheets because it is very light and cool and wicks away moisture. I haven't had a lot of clothing made from tencel, but in my experience it shrinks worse than regular rayon, however does not always stretch back out.

I sympathize because I have the same sensory issues with fabric. I pretty much stick to rayon and cotton. I can tolerate polyester or similar synthetics in a loose skirt (mainly if it has a silky liner, or else I can wear cotton leggings or a slip underneath). But polyester in a shirt is a misery. Sometimes I buy one anyway because it's cute but then as time goes by I realize I'm just avoiding wearing it because it's uncomfortable.

Polyester is a nasty devil plague and I wish it would be banned forever. lol Actually some types of polyester are not that bad, but for some reason when it is blended with cotton it can become a torture device, and it's deceptive because the cotton makes it seem like it would be soft. But I have learned to identify it, if not from how it looks, from touching it which gives me a really peculiar sensation on my fingertips.

Button down shirts are notoriously difficult to fit for large breasted women, and usually have to be professionally tailored to fit nicely. Especially when you have a small waist, you end up having to size up to fit the boobs and all that extra material bags around the waist. There are some brands out there who make button down shirts specifically for curvy women, I've seen this discussed on blogs and the like, if you google it I'm sure you'll come across it.

Woven material can look nice when it is tailored to fit you. But if it doesn't fit well it can age you, add pounds and make you look matronly and dowdy. Knit material is much better for a larger chest because the material has enough give to drape over your curves.

It's always a process to find clothes that are flattering because our bodies can change so much. My body shape keeps changing so I have to keep rethinking what fits me best. I have narrow shoulders, a large chest, and a high/short waist. So although I'm 5'7" sometimes petite size clothing fits me better on top, it just depends on the brand. I wear a 32G bra now and it's very hard to find one that fits. Pants are horrible on me so I mostly wear skirts. I avoid dresses because my upper body and lower body are not the same size and the waist of a dress never hits the right spot on me.

Did your past experiences with thrift stores turn you away? I buy most of my clothes now at thrift stores. I might only find 1-2 things on a visit, but one store I usually hit at least once a week, and some others at least once a month. So my closets are jam packed now full of clothes that I like and I'm actually having trouble figuring out what to get rid of. And if I try something that doesn't work then I'm only out a few bucks. Not sure where you are but in my area Goodwill usually sucks for clothing. HFH can be hit or miss depending on the location. I have the best luck with the smaller thrift store chains or independent ones.

I do this too. Actually I redeem points on my Chase card for Kohls gift cards so I only put a small amount on my Kohls charge. And the deals are awesome when you can stack $ off coupons with dept. codes and percent off codes. Did you know that expiring codes will stack with newly released ones for a few hours after midnight on the night the old promo codes expire?

They really give me the stink eye lately at the store though when I bring in my returns. lol I don't find many clothes I like from there anymore. But for basic rayon tops to layer under cardigans or jackets, some of the Apt. 9 ones are good.

finding anything is hard, finding anything worth buying more so
womanclothes here don't go to my size by any strech, also shoes
let alone clothes that can stand some activity
so a pile of faulty pants with broken zips, elegant for sure
bigfooted woman, sometimes i look at the male feet, tiny, tiny there's people with dwarf-feet around me

sometimes people give a bag of second-hands, luckily

There are a lot of goodwills in my area, and a few independent thrift stores. Like you, I don't care much for most Goodwills, their prices are kinda high for thrift stores anyway.

I am a combination pear/apple shape, where my chest is smaller than my middle. I can't do most t shirts/knit shirts unless I want to look like a tire roll. So I have the opposite problem that you do, clothes are too big in the chest and too small in the tummy. Anything with a defined waist I can't do. And button downs I have to take in at the bust if I want it to not look boxy. Which takes time. I look best in princess seams. So yes, finding things at thrift stores that are my size, my comfort level AND my style is almost non existent. Like you, I end up buying clothes that are cute, and then never wearing them. Or buying clothes that are comfortable but are dowdy. It's just a very narrow margin of things that actually work well.

Not that I don't try. My NT friend is a thrift store junkie and I sometimes venture out with her if I have an exit plan when I can't take shopping anymore and she is still on the go. The lights and people are just freaken annoying.

I am trying to sew more, but with online school and work its difficult to find the time.

Oh, I'm sorry, I misunderstood your original post, and also probably didn't explain very well about my own fit issues. My body type is the spoon shape, which is similar to a pear, but where a pear carries more weight around the lower hips and thighs, with a spoon shape you carry more weight on the upper hips and lower belly. So although I have a defined waist, it's mainly because my hips are so prominent. My lower belly is about as big around as my chest. Then my hips/butt are a bit bigger than that. The small of my back is very small and curved. I carry more weight in front, and on a bad day (gut problems, bloating, edema, lower back problems, etc) it makes me look pregnant.

From my belly button up, my upper body is at least a size smaller than my lower body. My shoulders and upper body have petite proportions, but I also wear a large cup size. So when I try on a shirt, if I try the size that fits my belly and hips and breasts, it is often too big in the shoulders. And a lot of the time will seem like the neckline is hanging too low, or the waist hits too low, and will seem really baggy under my breasts. If it's a jacket or a coat, often it will make me look like a kid wearing a grown up's coat. But if I go down a size, suddenly it's too tight around my boobs, and probably won't even stretch/button/whatever around my hips.

I can't wear any kind of shirt that is cut straight up and down (unless it's stretchy, like a soft t-shirt), no woven material in shirts, nothing that buttons or zips up, nothing with a low/drop waist, and especially never anything that is tight or banded around the bottom. It usually needs to flare out on the bottom, so peplum tops work well on me, as long as the waist is high enough. The main thing I've learned is it's best if the hem of my shirt just comes to the top of my hips, because if it hangs much longer than that it just clings to my gut and emphasizes it. Sometimes I can wear a longer top if it is fitted in the shoulders and loose on the bottom. When it comes to cardigans, I don't have much luck with the ones that button all the way down, but the ones that just button at the top work really well for me.

Fitting my lower body is even more problematic...with my high waist and long rise, it's just about impossible for me to find any pants or jeans that fit. I gave up several years ago and started wearing skirts. I mostly wear a-line or asymmetrical skirts, but I have a few pencil skirts (mostly vintage, new ones don't fit me). I can wear casual pants if they are cropped, stretchy, wide-leg, and have a pull-on waist. I just recently ordered some Starfish pants from Lands End, sight unseen, and wow, they turned out to be really comfortable and fit well.

I think I basically just have a bell shape in mind when I dress...usually a semi-fitted, stretchy top with a fuller skirt or pants. I've learned to spot certain things that work for me, and stock up on those things, and I try to just pass over the other 99.5% of stuff that I know will be ill-fitting. The neat thing about thrift stores is when I find something that fits me, often there will be several more things that are similar because the person who donated it had more of the same.