issues with the words "autism" and "aspergers"

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This is going to seem like a very weird issue but hear me out...

For as long as I can remember, at least since I was "diagnosed" at a young age (it wasn't even official, it was just thrown out there as a suggestion by a doctor and it kinda stuck, but I digress), I've always recoiled at the words autism and Asperger's, especially when applied to me.

I feel deeply embarrassed any time I have to disclose, and I have to more often than I'd like, due to needing a valid explanation as to why I'm on long term benefits and haven't really had a proper job in my entire life. But I struggle to even say the words autism or Asperger's, because they still feel completely alien to me. When I say or hear autism, a small boy screaming and banging his head against the wall immediately pops to mind in a visceral way, and when I say or hear Asperger's, I think of a little boy (always male) reciting a train timetable, or an embarrassingly awkward, unnaturally tall, skinny gawky bespectacled man who makes one faux pas after another and who everyone wishes would go away. Applying these labels to myself, therefore, feels almost poisonous.

I'm not sure whether I'm just overly sensitive to the still-prevailing stereotypes of those on the autistic spectrum. I certainly don't believe those stereotypes and I've no idea why my aversion to these words are so strong, except that until literally only a few years ago I had even heard of other women on the spectrum, for example, and the fact that I'm getting increasingly into feminism makes me less and less willing to be in a society needlessly dominated (albeit increasingly less so) by men. Having a man's name as, basically, the sole thing which you're known by, which preceeds you on every medical file and job interview - the ever-present "spectre" - is pretty much the ultimate definition of it. I'm beginning to wonder now if I'd be fine with the label if it simply went by another name.

Ironically I've been known, as a result of being on the spectrum, to have extreme aversions to strange things, like certain sounds and even words. Autism and Asperger's might be some of them, for some reason. But yeah it causes quite a few problems, I mean how do you go about explaining some pretty huge gaps in your life without referring to the primary condition behind everything...

If you're talking about "disclosing" to the bureaucratic authorities in order to stay on benefits, that's one thing.

If you're talking about disclosing to your friends---frankly, you don't have to disclose!

Just say you're an "odd duck." Most people would accept that.

Asperger's and autism are both just a label. You have the right not to reveal that they are a part of your life.

Odd duck... I like that

Unfortunately folk do tend to make assumptions about you if you're not working full time, unless you have a condition which they can actually see. Things *are* getting better with campaigners of autistic spectrum rights (both male and female) taking to their blogs and spaces like Twitter but, in my own particular life, I'm still trying to figure out how to "navigate" life with a not entirely helpful local system which doesn't necessarily reflect what's happening online...

I think the stigma of autism is compounded by the fact that it's generally thought of as a "male" problem. Autism in women just isn't very well understood.