I'm scared of walking alone outside after 9pm

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Moccu
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17 May 2017, 9:37 pm

I do it anyway, to get a late-night coffee if I'm going to stay up, or whatever.

I feel incredibly paranoid if I see someone ahead of me that I'm going to have to pass by, unless it's a woman or some young teens. I can't help but profile everyone else that may be potentially drunk at this time, or men that might catcall and be a bother to me.

I'll often walk a bit faster than usual to get from place to place, and then finally relax as soon as I get back home.


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29 May 2017, 10:47 pm

I feel for you.

I had a similar problem. I moved to a small rural town, and I can now safely walk alone at all hours of the night by myself. The downside is that there is nothing here and I'm more or less trapped without transportation.


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RandomFox
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30 May 2017, 6:06 am

When I was younger I had the opposite problem - I used to get myself in risky situations and (luckily) always come out unharmed.
I remember once a guy tried to grab my arm/bag/whatever at like 4am and it all ended up in a little street fight - in the end I dug my nails in his face so hard that he simply ran away. BUT - it all could have ended in tragedy if he was stronger. I'm glad my daughter is not like that, she's very cautious...
My mother had no idea what I was up to sometimes.

Now I've got a bit more reason in me and although I'm still not afraid of walking home alone at night , I tend to minimize the risks, choose safer paths, wear more sensible shoes (so I can run away if needed). I'm quite lucky to live maybe 2 mins away from the night bus stop now, so it's a bit of a safer option and it's a well-lit, populated area.



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08 Jun 2017, 8:55 pm

This is not an unreasonable fear, and it has a simple solution. Don't go out after 9 pm.


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starkid
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09 Jun 2017, 5:43 pm

questor wrote:
This is not an unreasonable fear, and it has a simple solution. Don't go out after 9 pm.

That's not a simple solution for someone who wants to go out after 9 PM or thinks she ought to be able to do so.


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leejosepho
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09 Jun 2017, 7:35 pm

You might first check your local laws or ordinances by making a phone call to the police station, but I believe you can carry mace for self-protection. Also, you might check with a local gym or martial arts club to see what kind of self-defense courses might be available.


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09 Jun 2017, 8:44 pm

If I go out after dark I take my big dog with me. He wouldn't tolerate any [email protected] from anyone and if someone is walking toward us he comes in close. He isn't an aggressive dog, just protective. Someone would have to start something before he would do anything but he makes it clear that if they did start something, he would finish it. He is a great dog.


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10 Jun 2017, 1:47 pm

I have studied self defense for years. Self defense isn't just about the fight.

Predators of strangers isn't the most common form of violence, the most common is a amoung people who know each other.

However vulnerable people can be picked out as targets (not necessarily just on the street).

If you find someone creepy that is no indication of if they are predatory. Often is this the most ordinary seeming people.

Body language can make a differnce, I know those from personal experience of being an easy target. If you are look like you are in your own world then you are fair game to these people.

Go to your destination with purpose, make sure you know where you are going and people you know have some idea where you are Be aware of what is around you, fear can make you loose sight of that, focus more on the outside and less on the inside. If you are freaking out you have reverted to being in your own thought and not focusing on the external.

Don't wear anything that limits you peripheral vision like a hoody, don't use anything that limits you senses like headphones. Keep your arm free and out of you pockets. Don't look down, anything that will improve you confidence will improve your body language. Don't try to be aggressive scan your environment in a smooth way, non-jumpy way.

Stick to street lighting and area with enough people, but not big crowds. Don't carry anything you don't need to take, if you don't need a handbag do take it. Walking in the middle of the sidewalk is best as you don't want to be too close to either side.

You wouldn't hold 400$ in you hands and look at it while you walking, so stay off your phone (people who play with their phones while walking are a pet hate of mine as they tend to walk into people or expect other to move for them becuase the deliberately don't look where they are going). However a full charge phone is important, just keep it out of sight.

Do no lean against walls. Be aware of entry/exit points. If you feel treatend by someone near you, make sure you a not facing away, put your arms up in front of you torso and face and not by your side or behind you back . There are way of doing this that don't appear aggressive/confrontational.

If you feel some is following don't continue in the same direction unless there is people there, think of a safe way to reach other people, shops, business, CCTV and lighting a such crossing a road where appropriate. It is generally better to see them then have them behind you although avoid directly confronting them unless you have no choice. It might be that you are just scare, however better safe that sorry.

There is a lot to self deference but that is a few tips.

Very few martial arts courses teach viable self defense, to the extent I can't really give specific recommendations as to where to go. The stuff I have been recently been working on knife defense based on evidence of the commonest types of lone attacks. These tend to involve to the other hand leading use as grabbing and using a concealed blade, and the repeatedly stabbing in quick succession. This is very different from how knife defense is usually taught, becuase it is not really based from expernce, they tend to feed the blade with not real intent in single action, which doesn't simulate the frenzied and uncooperative nature of an attack and the element of surprise. The focus was on control and attack, preservation, and how an when to get away. It was not focused on fancy disarms and takedowns. Also the recent terrorist attack use large mele style weapons and vehicles, in a well planned attack with multiple people that is whole other level.

Using martial arts for self defense is a life long thing you need broad expernce. However it can help you build confidence as you learn, which can be quite useful in a lot of ways.

having said that, this sort of violence isn't a common as people perceive. It is well knwo that perception of crime is often worse than the reality, especial in a developed country. However you should not be complacent.



This_Amoeba
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27 Jun 2017, 6:40 pm

Me too day and night. If I'm alone there's a 99% chance some creep is going to approach me and harass me. I hate when the creeps slow their car down then turn around to bother me. Makes me want to go berserk. Now that I think of it, it's worse during the day because creeps cam get a better look at me.



karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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27 Jun 2017, 7:11 pm

jcCoolidgejr. wrote:
In car terms we on are Lamborghinis. Image, would you drive a Lamborghini at night? No! That the right way to feel. You shouldn't ride public transit at 2am your to valuable. And many pigs want that value.

Man, what is wrong with you? Women shouldn't ride public transportation because we're "to valuable"?? (Whatever the hell that means, sounds sexist to me.) How about the pigs stop being pigs and attacking women who are just going about their lives? Why should I not be able to go out of my house at night just because I have a vagina and "pigs" can't learn how to control themselves?!?! Seriously, this is a f****d up thing to say to women. Especially in this forum.



alex
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27 Jun 2017, 7:14 pm

Also, I see more lambos at night than in the daytime so even your sexist analogy is whack. Not cool man. :(


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leejosepho
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27 Jun 2017, 10:46 pm

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
How about the pigs stop being pigs and attacking women who are just going about their lives? Why should I not be able to go out of my house at night just because I have a vagina and "pigs" can't learn how to control themselves?!?!

That has been a problem for many centuries now, and it is simple wisdom rather than sexism when someone such as myself might offer or volunteer to escort a woman from one point to another in order to try to help assure her safety. Some years ago it was common practice for some of us to be protective of women before, during and after our own A.A. meetings while they were on the public premises. There are places where both men and woman might either be safe or in danger, however, so gender is not always even an issue where sexual predators might be present.


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karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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27 Jun 2017, 11:24 pm

leejosepho wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
How about the pigs stop being pigs and attacking women who are just going about their lives? Why should I not be able to go out of my house at night just because I have a vagina and "pigs" can't learn how to control themselves?!?!

That has been a problem for many centuries now, and it is simple wisdom rather than sexism when someone such as myself might offer or volunteer to escort a woman from one point to another in order to try to help assure her safety. Some years ago it was common practice for some of us to be protective of women before, during and after our own A.A. meetings while they were on the public premises. There are places where both men and woman might either be safe or in danger, however, so gender is not always even an issue where sexual predators might be present.


What we need from men is not to be protected, what we need is for you to talk to other men when they exhibit sexist and predatory behaviour and tell them to cut it out, rather than telling us to adjust our behaviour to "be safer" from such men. That would be real wisdom--go to the source, not the target of the problem. Stop telling us to "be safer" and start telling predators to piss off instead. There's your bloody wisdom.



leejosepho
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28 Jun 2017, 7:55 am

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
What we need from men is not to be protected, what we need is for you to talk to other men when they exhibit sexist and predatory behaviour and tell them to cut it out...

What is the difference? I actually do that at every opportunity also, of course, but either way you are asking for something from men... :)


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This_Amoeba
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28 Jun 2017, 10:32 am

^the sad thing is that we shouldn't have to ask.