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ASD women with partners: how did you do it?

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kraftiekortie
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09 Dec 2021, 11:07 am

I don't mind a blunt woman----as long as she's not blunt just to be blunt.



ironpony
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09 Dec 2021, 3:56 pm

Fireblossom wrote:
ironpony wrote:
I'm late messaging to this but I thought that guys wouldn't really care if a woman has ASD all that much, compared to women caring about when men have it. I thought guys are more flexible when it comes to that in comparison, unless I am wrong?


Believe me, they do care, though of course it depends on the individual. I think bluntness women on the spectrum often have is one of the problems; on average, women are raised and expected to be more compromising and polite than men, so men who are used to these kinds of women probably find different women too weird or even threatening.


My gf has ASD but she the opposite of blunt and is more shy and reserved, but is that unusual for someone who has ASD?



WeirdMetronome
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10 Dec 2021, 3:38 am

I'm afraid I'm not too sure I can help as my relationship is a bit more unusual due to a big age gap (he is much older than me). I've never done the typical dating thing either, I really have no clue.

Perhaps the answer is that a less typical approach to relationships is required.



Fireblossom
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10 Dec 2021, 6:22 am

ironpony wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
ironpony wrote:
I'm late messaging to this but I thought that guys wouldn't really care if a woman has ASD all that much, compared to women caring about when men have it. I thought guys are more flexible when it comes to that in comparison, unless I am wrong?


Believe me, they do care, though of course it depends on the individual. I think bluntness women on the spectrum often have is one of the problems; on average, women are raised and expected to be more compromising and polite than men, so men who are used to these kinds of women probably find different women too weird or even threatening.


My gf has ASD but she the opposite of blunt and is more shy and reserved, but is that unusual for someone who has ASD?


As far as I know, yes, but this could be different in different cultures.

Or maybe she used to be blunt but got burnt and is now cautious due to it?



ironpony
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10 Dec 2021, 9:24 am

Fireblossom wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
ironpony wrote:
I'm late messaging to this but I thought that guys wouldn't really care if a woman has ASD all that much, compared to women caring about when men have it. I thought guys are more flexible when it comes to that in comparison, unless I am wrong?


Believe me, they do care, though of course it depends on the individual. I think bluntness women on the spectrum often have is one of the problems; on average, women are raised and expected to be more compromising and polite than men, so men who are used to these kinds of women probably find different women too weird or even threatening.


My gf has ASD but she the opposite of blunt and is more shy and reserved, but is that unusual for someone who has ASD?


As far as I know, yes, but this could be different in different cultures.

Or maybe she used to be blunt but got burnt and is now cautious due to it?


Perhaps that could be it. However, another thing about her is that she doesn't test men at all it seems. In my dating experience, women will always test me all the times, to see how I will react to certain things, and this is quite common in the dating world for women to do that I have read. But my current gf does not do that at all, and I wonder if it's because she has ASD?

If it is, perhaps men might actually prefer a woman who has ASD, because that means no testing likely, if the reason why she doesn't test is because she has ASD?



kraftiekortie
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10 Dec 2021, 8:03 pm

I'm glad you don't have to go through that "testing" crap.

Were you able to see a movie with her tonight?



ironpony
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11 Dec 2021, 1:06 am

Oh no, we had some other things going on with work the last couple of days but maybe in a couple of days we will when we have planned to hang out. Thanks for asking :).



Fireblossom
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11 Dec 2021, 2:33 pm

ironpony wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
ironpony wrote:
I'm late messaging to this but I thought that guys wouldn't really care if a woman has ASD all that much, compared to women caring about when men have it. I thought guys are more flexible when it comes to that in comparison, unless I am wrong?


Believe me, they do care, though of course it depends on the individual. I think bluntness women on the spectrum often have is one of the problems; on average, women are raised and expected to be more compromising and polite than men, so men who are used to these kinds of women probably find different women too weird or even threatening.


My gf has ASD but she the opposite of blunt and is more shy and reserved, but is that unusual for someone who has ASD?


As far as I know, yes, but this could be different in different cultures.

Or maybe she used to be blunt but got burnt and is now cautious due to it?


Perhaps that could be it. However, another thing about her is that she doesn't test men at all it seems. In my dating experience, women will always test me all the times, to see how I will react to certain things, and this is quite common in the dating world for women to do that I have read. But my current gf does not do that at all, and I wonder if it's because she has ASD?

If it is, perhaps men might actually prefer a woman who has ASD, because that means no testing likely, if the reason why she doesn't test is because she has ASD?


There might be some cultural differences at play here, for the women I know certainly don't do that kind of things... I mean, sometimes they don't remind their men of birthdays and such to see if they remember on their own or not, but I don't think this is the kind of testing you mean...?



kraftiekortie
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11 Dec 2021, 5:55 pm

Women get offended in the US if you don’t remember their birthday as their lover.



ironpony
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12 Dec 2021, 1:00 am

Fireblossom wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
ironpony wrote:
I'm late messaging to this but I thought that guys wouldn't really care if a woman has ASD all that much, compared to women caring about when men have it. I thought guys are more flexible when it comes to that in comparison, unless I am wrong?


Believe me, they do care, though of course it depends on the individual. I think bluntness women on the spectrum often have is one of the problems; on average, women are raised and expected to be more compromising and polite than men, so men who are used to these kinds of women probably find different women too weird or even threatening.


My gf has ASD but she the opposite of blunt and is more shy and reserved, but is that unusual for someone who has ASD?


As far as I know, yes, but this could be different in different cultures.

Or maybe she used to be blunt but got burnt and is now cautious due to it?


Perhaps that could be it. However, another thing about her is that she doesn't test men at all it seems. In my dating experience, women will always test me all the times, to see how I will react to certain things, and this is quite common in the dating world for women to do that I have read. But my current gf does not do that at all, and I wonder if it's because she has ASD?

If it is, perhaps men might actually prefer a woman who has ASD, because that means no testing likely, if the reason why she doesn't test is because she has ASD?


There might be some cultural differences at play here, for the women I know certainly don't do that kind of things... I mean, sometimes they don't remind their men of birthdays and such to see if they remember on their own or not, but I don't think this is the kind of testing you mean...?


That sounds like the kind of testing I am referring to yes. Basically I was just use to this testing from women before in my experience, but my current gf doesn't do any of it which is hugely different for me. I thought maybe she doesn't test perhaps because she has ASD and therefore does not fall under that social commonality to do that, if that could likely be the case?



kraftiekortie
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12 Dec 2021, 5:44 am

Maybe she’s just a nice person. Or maybe she’s been “tested” too much.



Fireblossom
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13 Dec 2021, 2:06 am

ironpony wrote:
That sounds like the kind of testing I am referring to yes. Basically I was just use to this testing from women before in my experience, but my current gf doesn't do any of it which is hugely different for me. I thought maybe she doesn't test perhaps because she has ASD and therefore does not fall under that social commonality to do that, if that could likely be the case?


Huh, that's weird... I mean, I would've thought that expecting people to remember important things would be normal and something it'd be okay to expect, but I guess some people think differently.

But nah, if she doesn't do this type of "testing", it's not because she's on the spectrum. Many people on the spectrum expect their partners to remember things without being reminded.



kraftiekortie
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13 Dec 2021, 6:34 am

I make sure I remember birthdays.



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13 Dec 2021, 7:51 am

The worst is when they mix up your birthday with their previous / other girlfriend.


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ironpony
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13 Dec 2021, 9:03 am

Fireblossom wrote:
ironpony wrote:
That sounds like the kind of testing I am referring to yes. Basically I was just use to this testing from women before in my experience, but my current gf doesn't do any of it which is hugely different for me. I thought maybe she doesn't test perhaps because she has ASD and therefore does not fall under that social commonality to do that, if that could likely be the case?


Huh, that's weird... I mean, I would've thought that expecting people to remember important things would be normal and something it'd be okay to expect, but I guess some people think differently.

But nah, if she doesn't do this type of "testing", it's not because she's on the spectrum. Many people on the spectrum expect their partners to remember things without being reminded.


That's not really a test though but an expectation. A test is when a woman does something to expect a certain reaction. Such as putting guys in situations where they want to see them stand up for themselves to see how they are when it comes to that. This is common among women I've dated before, but I noticed my current gf does not, and wonder if it's because of the ASD.



Fireblossom
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13 Dec 2021, 1:07 pm

ironpony wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
ironpony wrote:
That sounds like the kind of testing I am referring to yes. Basically I was just use to this testing from women before in my experience, but my current gf doesn't do any of it which is hugely different for me. I thought maybe she doesn't test perhaps because she has ASD and therefore does not fall under that social commonality to do that, if that could likely be the case?


Huh, that's weird... I mean, I would've thought that expecting people to remember important things would be normal and something it'd be okay to expect, but I guess some people think differently.

But nah, if she doesn't do this type of "testing", it's not because she's on the spectrum. Many people on the spectrum expect their partners to remember things without being reminded.


That's not really a test though but an expectation. A test is when a woman does something to expect a certain reaction. Such as putting guys in situations where they want to see them stand up for themselves to see how they are when it comes to that. This is common among women I've dated before, but I noticed my current gf does not, and wonder if it's because of the ASD.


Yeah, expectation sounds about right. I don't think that having them is bad in itself, but the expectations need to be reasonable.