How do men do it?

Post Reply New Topic

That brings to mind this from a few years back, https://www.apa.org/monitor/2013/11/right-brained

Not only tears are emotions.

And I know very few men who get chewed out and are not angry or resentful about it.

anger and tears have gone together.

Because of human evolution.

And cultures are derived from evolution too.

Just look at the Ukraine war for example, an European country which has a very active feminist movement (Femen), and it’s a fairly egalitarian country with high literacy rate.

But once the war happened, their government obliged all physically capable men between 18 and 60 to fight and defend; while allowed women and kids to flee.
Old gender roles magnified again, and suddenly all the media and everyone is ok with it.


Humans, are very much more like Common chimps socially, there’s conjecture saying Bonobos are closer to us but in reality only in few aspects (ie. sex for pleasure), it is just wishful thinking. Chimps are almost as genetically close to us too.

In fact, the only reason why proto-bonobos (most likely a common ancestor with chimps) evolved into a « peaceful » matriarchal species was an lengthy drought that killed off rival primates in their area, that made male violence no longer necessary, roles changes and shaped into a new species.

But in most of the known human history and in the majority of cultures (even the primitive tribes), humans had been like common chimps: a patriarchal species, in which the males are warriors and females are carers; a species frequently engaging in wars and conflicts. We are a warring violent species with a violent long history, like the chimps, this what aliens would categorize us if they study us objectively.

Hence you can see why humans evolved to see crying for men ans boys as counterproductive. Part of it may be hard wired.

I noticed that. I wouldn't say I am ok with it, but I noticed. Before her death, my great-great-grandma reported that she fought in the French Revolution (as dressing like a man), and it was a huge family scandal played out in the newspapers. Her family was embarrassed and wanted to assure everyone that she was an upstanding woman and had helped her native country in ways more appropriate for a woman.

And you don't need to be strong to shoot a gun in modern warfare.

LOL-cry. My husband injured a ring finger on his dominant hand and -no joke- I asked how he was going to do his job (one imagines a baker kneading dough) and he said deadpan ---- "I will continue pushing the buttons [on the mixer] with my pointer fingers." So apparently I too could bake in these modern times. I am equipped with pointer fingers, and if not, a modification would be simple enough.

^ Does he make bagels?

I wanna try fresh bagels.

One of my counselors who was a former Chaplin in the Army told me about male soldiers coming to him in the battlefield asking if it was ok to be sad and to cry.
He said that men have been conditioned to feel only three things while women are allowed to feel a whole of emotions.
The three feelings men are allowed in most cultures are angry, hungry and horny.

I envision a banner:

Equal feelings for Everyone!! !! !! !!

For real.

Women are actually expected to cry where I come from. Like when my aunt had a car accident and she was all calm and didn't cry, and a policeman actually asked why she wasn't crying!
Sometimes when us women don't cry when we "should", we feel like we're some sort of psychopath or something. But not crying in certain situations doesn't necessarily mean psychopathy. Sometimes we can get so emotionally overloaded that we just go numb instead, kind of a flight or fight response.

It's a bit like when a little kid falls over and everyone gets surprised when they don't cry. I remember when I was about 4 I fell off a swing, and usually I cried whenever I fell but for some reason I didn't cry that time. The adults were probably like "phew, that was a close one!" and were relieved when I happily got back on the swing.

Sometimes I wish I could cry, but can't. Or it takes days to come out.

i wish it wasn't so hard to find other men with stendhal's syndrome.

Yeah. Men get angry rather than tearful. But they may hide THAT. So what theyre hiding is anger, and not tears.

I'm not sure if it's a men thing. But some people keep their heads cool and think and act logically in all circumstances. Their emotions are pushed down. They're not gone, they might be causing upset stomach or ulcer inside them but you wouldn't know. You can say societies all need people like these to keep working even during crisis. I'm kinda like that, just keep doing things I should do and deal with the stress later. I only cry occasionally in the shower, usually not for sadness or anger, just because I could and there's no mess and nobody would see. I was already joking about my dad two days after he passed, but the trauma haunted me for a long time. I still dream about him and miss him. I think rationals take longer to process emotional things because they can't be efficient.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lB4JPQF450g