Autistic women face sexist expectations at work

Post Reply New Topic

psnews

I've never faced these sexist expectations at work before.

Agreed. Once my ASD BFF and I started to rise, we were put down. She was sent to a Communications class and I got stuck in the Cinderella box. It really gets my goat that I became a company-wide respected expert and yet I could not achieve the level my ASD male peers did. It really gets my goat to see the many professional achievements of the ASD or ND male alumni of my prestigious schools --- and not a single ASD or ND female alumna is close.

My ASD mom used to complain about this when I was young and I didn't get it. Now near 50, I Get It. It's horrible. I can look back now on the 30 years of my career and see it all clicking into place. Each little "correction" I received, all the well meant "advice" I was given...

Joe, you are either in a progressive workplace, you don't have any power yet and/or are appropriately socialized already. It's when I took an online test which indicated I had significant male bias (internalized!) that I started to recognize the behaviors and actions in others and myself.

What to do... what to do... I've half thought of starting my own company, but women face significant obstacles there also. I want to apply this wisdom.

Not exactly news for me, but maybe something will actually be done about it when there's an actual research...?

...Yeah right.

I remember this one guy talking about how eye opening it was when he and his female coworker traded email accounts and pretended to be each other for awhile. The double standard was obvious to him after that.

Ettina, coincidentally or not, a similar situation is in the book I mentioned. The burden of proof is ours. It's also eye-opening when transgendered women talk about their before and after experiences.

Have things actually gotten WORSE in this regard, during the past few decades, I wonder? Or has there been any improvement?

Personally, I'm so obviously a gender-nonconforming woman, as well as an all-around weirdo, that I would never have gotten hired, in the first place, in any workplace where gender conformity was deemed to be important. Also, my social life has generally revolved around subcultures in which a variety of gender presentations were accepted.

These facts have probably insulated me from many of the sexist pressures a lot of women face -- although I still occasionally encounter some of the usual sexist annoyances, like random men on the street telling me to "smile!"

Now that you mention it, I recall that I have heard multiple times that around the 90s workplace progress stopped for women. When I consult Ms Google, I find current Times articles and the like about just that. Here's one link that doesn't have a pay wall... (I am not familiar with the source, but the article looks good): https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1918891117

The "Segregation of Fields of Study" is of interest to me. I know people who didn't pursue their non-gender-appropriate fields. For men this usually means sacrificing their passion - for women it usually means sacrificing their passion and pay. Men in traditionally "female" jobs earn less than men in "male" jobs (but more than their female peers); women in traditionally "male" jobs earn more than women in "female" jobs (but less than their male peers). Mostly our culture takes this for granted and refuses to see it ("that's just the way it is"). You've seen this meme?

Which is a cumulation of the glass entry and glass progress. Ok, those aren't real terms, but when I hit the ceiling, I could see how a lifetime of "glassiness" led to it. Love that meme. Gets me every time (initially my breath catches) even though I know the punch line (release).

I worked for state government for 8 years and this happened to me. It was funny because I talked like "one of the guys" and yet none of the men were disciplined for how they behaved.
At least three of the older women complained that I wasn't fitting in (e.g. not gossiping, not sitting with them at lunch, and also playing video games on break - it made them uncomfortable). I had an exemplary work record; however, because of their mean-girl tactics, my position wasn't renewed.

It was fortunate that I absolutely hated my last position (new office) and had just started the process of updating my resume. Instead of quitting and getting nothing, I got severance pay and unemployment instead. If they would have more patient, I would have quit within the next few weeks anyway.
Although it worked out in my favor, it left a bitter taste in my mouth about working with older women in the future.
At the same time, it made me realize how different I am. My mantra was I was getting paid to do a job, not make friends. Apparently, that's an okay phrase for men to use, but not us women.

I've legitimately considered masking my gender. Changing my name to something more gender-neutral... cutting my hair and sporting button-up shirts to "fit in more."
I'm not discounting anyone's personal struggles when talking about being transgender (I'm not always good at articulating things), but it's been my experience in more progressive/blue states where LGBTQIA+ are widely accepted that even the more masculine presenting females in the office workspace are treated better than just the awkward ones. When you're just the weird girl with no other explanation, it makes people uneasy; however, if I look like AND act like a guy, I might not attract as much negative attention.

I don't work, and when I did it was retail, so no email. But I have definitely found that men and women tend to have different communication styles, which leads to internet strangers assuming that I am male. I have more trouble communicating with NT women because they use a lot of emotions in their writing and assume that I am upset with them if I do not. Over the years I have learned to tailor my style to my audience, but it takes effort.