Sex - Do NOT Read If Younger than 18

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Howdy.

Okay. Here goes this long, rambling list of my recent "sins". I am hoping someone here can give me good advice - I clearly cannot talk to my mother about this (too embarrassed) and talking to males is well - not the solution.

I suck at relationships and any of the social stuff that goes along with it.

Even though I suck at sex - well, it's just easier. Hardly any talking required. As I know I will only probably see them once (or a few times on the bus or whatever), no need to tell them I'm autistic, hard of hearing (possible an Auditory Processing Disorder), diabetic, have asthma, or am anemic. No need to tell them that I have sensory or attention issues, either. It's all too complicated and most guys would run away at the mentioning of autism, at any rate - never mind that I'm Higher Functioning and can surpass as "normal".

I don't want a relationship. I just couldn't stand feeling all smothered and closed in. The guys I do not have sex with are usually friends and nothing more. I thought I once loved someone and told him so, but I think he was just using me emotionally - he never shows up on my door and has never given me a number which he hasn't either blocked or gone out of service. I don't trust love any more, because I cannot separate my emotions from my hormones. Love is too tricky of a definition and feels school girlish to even mention.

Okay - here's the thing. Call me a slut or a whore or whatever, I've slept with four guys and almost a 5th guy in the last 5 months (for those of you counting, that's one per guy per month). The 5th guy couldn't get it up and, as he wouldn't listen to me, I had a melt down. The only guy I saw on a regular basis (which I think lasted 5 months) was over four years ago. A decent guy but my mom didn't really like him. He saw me rarely and on the last night I saw him, he had sort of forced me to have sex when I clearly did not want it (I was out of it thanks in part to some cough syrup) and I think he cheated on me (he stayed the night with a female friend).

I have no problem with my sex life. The way I see it, my mom wants a certain man for me and I want someone a little off the beaten path (I like weird men who usually have a mental disability - my ex and the men I sleep with do not have disabilities and usually pass for what my mom would call "son-in-law" material). I could continue to sleep with men, without feeling. This scares me only in the fact that I know this is wrong and I often feel guilty - my mom's only slept with my dad and stepdad. You see, I am not entirely a woman - sex hurts, I cannot orgasm during sex, and I don't feel the penis inside of me. I know it's there because of the pressure and the pain, but other than that, sex is no more than taking the edge off of my horniness and giving myself an hour of human contact. I do not want a vibrator because my mom found one in my stepsister's room when she was helping her to pack and I'm entirely embarrassed over them. It's sort of like the embarrassment when my mom made fun of me for holding another guy's hand - except just a bit more uncomfortable and squeamish.

Should I go and see a shrink? I know I need to go see a gyn as one of the gits refused to wear a condom (this is when I had a melt down and he soon left thereafter). I haven't had any problems with my periods until now (I cannot remember when the last one started because my memory's so poor) but it could be off because a.) it always is and b.) I'm stressed due to not finding work and my youngest guinea pig dying a few days ago. If my period doesn't arrive within two weeks, I'll take a pregnancy test and deal with that should anything happen (knock on wood it doesn't) - the only reason I'm concerned is that the one of the guys came on me, near my vagina, even though I told him no (guys just doesn't listen, do they? I had one guy invite me over to his apartment and I only agreed to just to shut him up - he tried to force his way to having sex with me, even though I told him I was on my period and had a tampon inside - I eventually cussed him out and left. Some people think I look stupid and hence, can push me around - major mistake there).

The problem with a gyn is that I tried suicide after that visit. I couldn't stand the thought that they thought I was a whore or a slut for sleeping with my ex and not forcing him to get tested before hand (this was over four years ago). I hated being touched - it felt like I was being invaded and I couldn't stand it. I went out of my mind and nearly flunked out of school (flunked Latin because I was so depressed I couldn't get up that early in the morning to get to class on time). I think if I went this time, I would have to be knocked up on medications - I am already feeling depressed over the death of my guinea (to the point where I just can't leave the apartment except to check the mail) and I think a visit to the gyn would result in another suicide attempt.

I'm just lost and horribly confused. If people don't get this whole relationship/sex stuff down by now, then where in the hell are the manuals!? I'm 25 and should have known this stuff by the time I was 18 - I feel like I'm playing a horrible catch up game to the rest of my peers, yet emotionally I feel like a stupid 16 year old going "duh, sex!". Please don't judge me - I all ready know I'm a whore and a slut. I just need answers.

You're not a slut. Not at all.
I don't know how to help though, I'm too f****d up.

I just typed a page long monologue in here and accidently deleated it....aarrrrggg.Consider yourself spared,lol.

Anyway,to sum it up.

I have been in similiar situations, times 20(if math isnt your fortee,that means 100 sex incounters from 16-36,when I decided what I was doing was counter productive and my sex drive stopped running my life.)I think I was born with a make sex drive but this may have been an aspie need for human contact and a female ability to get it through sex?I'm really not sure because I really loved sex when I was drinking and stopped most of the "sleeping around when I got sober at 26....but not all of it.Drinking did allow me to "not see" the idiocy or cruelty of some of the guys I choose to sleep with and dulled the sensory over load to make sex tolerable and not painful.After sobriety,sex became more of a challenge.I still had the urge for "intamacy" but the sex just seemed "weird" and it was difficult to shut off my brain and get into my body.It is odd that somethings I feel "numb" and others I would feel over stemulated....but not to weird,when you consider the fact that we are wired "differently".

Intellectually, I believed that there was nothing wrong with what I was doing.I never slept with someones bf(unless they lied about having one),I generally liked the person even if I didnt "Love" them and unlike many of the guys,I didnt lie to them to get sex by pretending that I liked them and make fun of them to others afterwords..I was giving and receiving pleasure and using BC to avoid hurting an undesired critter(pregnancy).I thought that I was exchanging something I needed,physical pleasure,attention from a human and human touch for what they wanted...sex.Seemed to me like a win/win situation.However,if this was the case,then why did I end up crying and cutting myself after the person never called back and made snide comments about me to others and ignored me?Inspite of all my logic.....I would become obsessed by those that "rejected" me and feel like I was defective.Knowing that they had no further interest in getting to know me better or even just to continue being "sex buddies" at the least,felt like being punched in the "ego".What was so wrong with me.Then I would start suspecting that they had lied to me the whole time when they showed interest in me,just to get me in bed...and most painfully,suspect that they actually found me repulsive and hated me for having sex with them,as if I had contaminated them and they had lowered their standards to sleep with a weird geek like me.Inspite of all the "psychic pain".I was protected by some force beyond my understanding in not getting VD.Statistically,not sure how that happened but most of the sex was pre AIDS.

I like "stranger sex".There is an adrinaline in the whole process that is lacking in most relationship sex.I dont act on it any more.Thankfully,I have less of an urge after I stopped drinking,hormones stabilized... and being "old and ugly"....keeps men from tempting me with their attention.There is some blessings in old age.

I have no advice for you and I certainly dont judge you as "bad" for your sexual experiences(or more accuratly,your very human need for human interaction in one of the few ways female aspies can seem to get it.).I do worry about the long term effect on your psyc/soul,as I found it had an insidiously toxic effect on me,inspite of "logic".I hope you will keep yourself as safe as you can and consider pursueing some of the "off the beaten path" males you feel drawn to.My only relationship that lasted longer then a year(other then the bed buddy I did have access to,off and on, from 29-38)has been my current relationship with another "aspie-like" guy....we didnt meet until I was 39.I ahve changed,thankfully,my urges and needs have changed.

Please dont "beat yourself up" for your actions but be careful as you can and consider the long term effects of your choices for health reasons and your own mental health.I wish you well and you are not alone.

You're not a slut- and you're certainly not a whore. I have never understood the double standard- guys who have had many partners are "studs" and women who have had many partners are "sluts". It doesn't make any sense. It's an ancient and useless and unfair paradigm and it's well past its prime. Discard it. You are not a slut. You are a sexually liberated adult woman who has every right to make her own choices regarding sex.

There's nothing wrong with you, and you're not behind. You're not playing catch-up. It sounds to me like you're just re-evaluating. There is nothing wrong with your sex life! You've just changed your mind about what kind of sex life you want to have. There's nothing wrong with that either!

So if you want to change things, I can offer a plan of action, but my way is not necessarily the "right" way. We all make choices based on our own situations and preferences. I can only tell you what I would do if I were in your situation.

First, buy a home pregnancy test kit. If it says you are pregnant, make an appointment with a family doctor/general practitioner. If it says you are not pregnant, you will have some much-needed peace of mind.

Second, think about the guys you have been with who have made you feel like a slut or hurt your self-esteem. Carefully consider what they have in common, and think about what, exactly, attracted you to them. Are there some attractive things about certain guys that you should re-consider? For example, I had a friend who realized she had been 'dating' mostly drug users who lived under the radar in society. They pushed her around, sometimes hit her, got her into trouble with the law, and got her into much more dangerous drugs than she had ever intended. She found them attractive because they seemed rebellious and made her feel better about her own low self-esteem; she could never quite fit in with society, and being around these guys made her feel like it was ok. Eventually she decided she could get the same feeling of belonging and subversiveness by hanging around with really artsy types.

So what do these guys have in common, why do you like them, and what is it about them that damages your self-esteem? Do they help you to confirm your negative self-perceptions? Are they simply good-looking? Where do you meet them? Figure out what is making you so miserable, and change things. Stop going to where you've been meeting them, or start avoiding certain personality traits and/or lifestyles.

Third, see a different gynecologist next time you decide you want or need a gyn appointment. If your gynecologist and/or his/her co-workers made you feel even a tiny bit uncomfortable, or gave you a look that said they thought you were a slut or a whore or anything else, then THEY are responsible for your negative feelings- not you. Your sexual choices are your business and nobody else's. They have absolutely no right to judge you.

That doesn't make you a slut...you have a need and you take care of it naturally, it is instinctual...nothing wrong with it

of course you are as much of a woman as everygirl else. Sex has never felt like anything else for me either.

What's important is that all this sex feels fine to you . and i mean truly truly feels fine. NO regrets.

but if that's all you get from sex - an hour of human contact and taking of the edge og hormones.. then think it trough. think hard.

i've been very much bruised by sex - sex that didn't mean anything and that i was pusehed into or tought 'i had to do'. i HATE it to this day. i wish i never did anyhting of that. I was just confused and lonely.
just think about yourself, ok?

I forgot to mention this. Porn is not real. For most women, porn does not depict what sex is actually like. A LOT of women need stimulation other than a penis to reach orgasm. This is NORMAL. It is also completely and totally normal to feel very little except pressure and pain when there is a penis inside you. Only a small portion of the vaginal canal can feel it at all. The clitoris is nearer the outside of the body. This. Is. Normal. There is NOTHING wrong with you. You're perfectly normal and you can go ahead and feel proud of your body. Any guy who tries to convince you (or lets you think) otherwise is just manipulating you.

are penises that s**t for woman or do men just use them wrong or are most men too small ?

Penises are fine, but a lot men don't know, or don't care, that a woman needs more than just a penis.

SemiLost,
you're not a slut. There's nothing morally wrong with having multiple partners, imnsho, but there are consequences that you will have to take into account. First, it is absolutely imperitive that you always use condoms and refuse to have sex if the man won't wear one. Second, condoms can help protect against sexually transmitted infections, but they're not the best method to use for birth control.

You absolutely should get a new gyn, and see her on an annual basis. She can talk to you about what forms of birth control work the best and are easiest to use - there are a lot of options out there. I would recommend Planned Parenthood: I get all of my routine care there, and while it still sucks to have the care done, at least the practitioners are always women and also are generally more focused on the idea of 'keeping woman healthy' rather than 'making sure the baby-making equipment is healthy.' I work in a hospital, and quite frankly a lot of the gyns creep me out even though I'm not their patient. A lot of gyns look at women like they're ambulatiory uteri, rather than like female humans who happen to have a uterus. That doesn't seem to be the case so much at Planned Parenthood.

I'm sort of the opposite of you; I've had two relationships in the last 11 years, neither of which lasted longer than 6 months, and been celibate in between. Emotionally, though, I suspect that my reasoning would be similar to yours. The effort of keeping up a relationship is more expensive than the sex is worth.

Although vaginal penetration often feels good for a woman (IF there is enough lubricant), it's stimulation of the clitoris, not penetration of the vaginal canal, that generally leads to an orgasm for a woman. Because the clitoris is located pretty much outside the vaginal canal (but next to it), larger penises are more likely to come into contact with the clitoris during sexual intercourse. However, they're also more painful for a woman to deal with- ESPECIALLY if the male partner hasn't taken the time to engage in enough foreplay to make the female partner produce sufficient natural lubricant.

So in simple terms, a large penis is good ONLY if you are careful to make sure the woman is very sexually excited before intercourse- and KEEP her lubed up, naturally or synthetically, until you're done- however long that takes! The tissue inside the vaginal canal is very delicate and can use all the protection you can give it.

In general, if you, as a man, want to be a good sexual partner, you should worry less about the size of your penis and more about stimulating her clitoris and keeping her wet.

Just to clear up a misconception I had most of my life.....I do have a G-spot.This was considered a myth by many of the "feminist theory" in my women studies classes who claimed that all orgasms were from the clitorus.I knew that I occassionally had vaginal prgasm but was convinced that it must have been from secondary cliteral stimulation....not the case.At 39,I met someone who actuall researched it on line(because he cared enough to give the very best,lol)and he either found a spot I never knew existed when I was younger OR I grew one in my old age...either way,it's there and if you can teach a partner to research it or teach them where it is this could help the lack of orgasm part.(Which is hardly the most important part of your issues but still rather nice to know about)

Another thing that many men and some women are unaware of......different women have differnt vaginas,just as diverse as mens penises.Some women prefer smaller penises because they dont hurt,some prefer the reverse.Many societies openly talk about this because they dont put "shame" on the size or shape of someones natural genetalia,which is nothing more then a method to control and debase someone,female(to lose)male(to small).Logic would say....I wouldnt be to "loose if your penis wasnt to "small"....but I dont think I have ever heard someone mention this obvious fact.The lust for the "tight virgin vagina" is mostly from guys who have small penises and feel litle stimulation from an average vagina OR more likely prefers a female who can not compare them to a "better lover",maybe easier to manipulate because of their lack of life experience or are sadist who enjoy the pain many virgins feel during first intercourse.

AAnother factor as mentioned my Experanza is giving time for women to become fully aroused.It is a biological fact,that not only does this help with lubrication but it also makes the uterues move up and lengthen the vaginal cannal,so that you dont feel like someone it trying to "break down the cirvix with a battering ram".As far as the Gyno...I only go to females and prefer PP or "nurse practitioners" to actual DRs.They seem to be more compassionate and see their clietns as more then a "pathology".

I hope I havent offended you with graphic talk but I hate "sex secrets" and find the whole western attitude towards sex to be absurd and repressed.They dont seem to have a problem with putting(and ordering)"Girls Gone Wild" on TV but if we use scientific terms to discuss a human body that we all have...they get all upset.Is it sex they are afraid of our "reality vs their fantasies" they are really having issues with?

I'm afraid im not much of an expert on the subject (I probably shouldnt even be trying to help) , but these articles may be of interest to you: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anorgasmia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyspareunia . Honestly, I think theres nothing wrong with you, you're just going through a difficult time in your life. What's most important is to remember that we as a community are here to help you. If you are ever in need of a friend, come to us, we will always be there for you. And as for guys, if you don't want to talk to them, don't. Most guys are complete A-holes interested In only one thing. If you ever do regain interest in a romantic relationship, make sure you stand firm on everything. If you have the right guy, he should understand and try to bear with you. If he doesn't, I would drop him. Also, as many people have said already, you are NOT a slut. You should be able to exercise your sexual freedom wether you are a guy or a girl. Anyway, enough ranting about a subject I know nothing about... if I were you, I would see a doctor and ask him about what you need to know. good luck, and remember we are here for you.

No you're not a slut - you've been used by unscrupulous guys. They're not all like that but sadly you've had the misfortune to meet some real jerks!

It sounds like to me that you are craving attention from the opposite sex, but settling on Aholes to meet that need. Look, you are not a defective person, autism, AS or not. You are someone who has a certain desire that may just not know how to go about getting it.

You require a certain amount of patience and understanding, like everyone. that is normal. It just takes a while to explain your position and condition.
Its understandable that sex is easier than relationships, but it complicates things in the long run.
I knew a girl in college that had that same problem of getting in compromising situations like that. Oh, and another touchy subject is the cough syrup induced sex. If you didnt want to do it, but were under the influence of a controlled substance, could'nt that technically be considered rape? I dont want to open a can of worms on this thread.

hows the self esteem level? are you happy with yourself? if not, work on that. Its like Ahole repellant. if it also helps here is a hug )))))hug(((((. I am not great with sympathy, but i know how pain feels. There are nice guys out there. somewhere.

You do realise that there's very little more attractive to the curious eyes of under 18s than the words, "Do not read this if you are under 18"?