Note: I'm still in the process of getting a DX, so please bear that in mind. I might yet be NT.
I got married quite recently myself so couldn't resist adding to this thread. I was terrified of the whole idea at first - I wanted to marry my now-husband, but didn't want to have to "get" married! Fortunately my partner is the most patient person on earth and very unconventional. He helped come up with a plan which worked for us - I'm not saying it would work for you (we didn't have a church wedding for example) but hopefully the story will make you feel a bit better about the whole thing.
On guests, I invited only those people I knew would want to come and wouldn't criticise or pressure us. This led to a lot of traditional people being missed out (including some family and workmates!) and probably ruffled some feathers, but I knew I wouldn't be able to handle them being there and frankly if they couldn't deal with it that's why they weren't invited to begin with. It was that or no ceremony at all, so everyone agreed it was for the best.
On the plan, we announced our engagement to our parents and then instantly began intensively planning the wedding itself. I exhaustively covered every possible issue in record speed and booked the things we liked. When our parents asked about the wedding the next time we saw them, it had already all been set in stone, so we felt no pressure to change anything in our plans to suit their personal tastes.
On organising, I flat out refused to deal with any supplier who wouldn't deal with me on the internet. I have a hard time getting my point across face to face or by phone and knew things would go wrong without even trying, so I sought companies which specialised in internet planning and gave clear instructions of what to expect.
On a theme, we picked a completely informal wedding - encouraged the wearing of silly costumes rather than suits, our cake was more like a childrens' birthday cake and we had cartoon theme music playing. Most of the people I hadn't invited to begin with would have been appalled and thought we weren't serious, but the precious few who came accepted our decisions and had lots of fun themselves. It certainly was never boring even between the events.
The worst part was the actual ceremony where I had to speak in front of everyone. We picked the shortest wording we could - no readings - and in my best telephone voice we managed it perfectly. We didn't rehearse at all, it would have just got me worrying. We had no speeches ourselves at the meal apart from the best man/father. The bare minimum.
I had no bridesmaids because I wanted to do everything myself and be in control. I didn't let my mother help me get ready, though I let her watch me have my hair done and chat about unrelated things so she wouldn't be left out completely.
We also flat out refused to have a disco. We put on an evening band for some entertainment for the guests who stayed late but participating was optional and I didn't dance myself. I actually quite like live music and enjoyed it in the safe little bubble of my seat near my husband. The more outgoing guests enjoyed dancing together regardless and appreciated us putting something on for them.
Another really important thing we planned was to have the wedding reception in a hotel. That way whenever I felt stressed by the social side I could go back to the room and take some time out alone. This was great for me and something I'd recommend for anyone, even if it's in a village hall or something perhaps the venue can make you a personal den to retreat to if you get anxious in gatherings. It meant I managed to get through the day without freaking out once. My guests were also very kind about giving me space and not bombarding me too much. Everything they said to me the whole day was positive and gentle.
I'm glad my husband convinced me to suck it up and make a customised wedding which fit around our lives. If he hadn't I'd have wanted a simple private wedding, so I can appreciate the appeal of that.
Kismet
27 Nov 2008, 8:55 am
