anorgasmia: a question for any AS women out there

Post Reply New Topic

Hi,

I'm new to this site. I suspect I have AS, but at my age (28 ), am not sure of the usefulness of pursuing a diagnosis. (However reading about AS has helped me to understand why I might be a bit of an eccentric loner. )

I wanted to ask a question about sex, particularly to AS women, to see if an 'issue' I have may be related to AS.

Does anyone have primary anorgasmia i.e. never had an orgasm?
If so, has anyone been able to treat/fix it? Any tips??

My situation: I enjoy sex when I'm in a relationship, and usually have little trouble getting aroused. The same goes for masturbation or receiving oral, which are great, but I find that I can only take either for a certain duration, until I suddenly become too sensitive (hypersensitive?) and can't stand it anymore. I never quite reach orgasm. (I feel like I'm close, but it's hard to know how close I am when I've never been there!)

I tried seeing a sex therapist/psychologist, but he just wanted to talk about some nonsense such as childhood issues or anxiety. I don't feel anxious about sex at all, and I had a pretty good childhood, aside from the stereotypical AS issues of not having a social life and feeling different from everyone else etc.

(I actually suspect I have a healthier attitude to sex than the average NT woman does, as I don’t have the same hang-ups about body image or worrying about what constitutes ‘normal’ sex behaviour. )

Do any women here have similar experiences to share, where perhaps hypersensitivity prevents them from reaching the big O?

You can work around some of the hypersensitivity by taking it very slowly, stopping to rest frequently, and making sure you're in a situation where you feel completely comfortable in every other way. Even if you're not anxious about sex or your body, there's still a certain level of physical and emotional "static" that you pick up just from moving around in the world and going through your day, and this can interfere with sex because it means you start out already somewhat overstimulated. You may feel perfectly calm already, but that's because you've (probably) set your...filters?...to block out some of your awareness of sensation, which you need to do in order to move around and interact with people and the world...but once you're in a sexual situation you drop the filters and then the static gets in.

It can help to do whatever you would normally do to calm yourself down or go to sleep--read, take a shower, listen to music, whatever. If deep pressure makes you feel calmer, you could try lying on a firm surface with something heavy on you (a quilt or a person or whatever). If you start to get light-sensitive (this always happens to me for some reason), you could cover your eyes with a shirt or pillow. Not only does this take away some of the extra nonsexual stimulation that can turn into irritation when you add the sexual stimulation, but it makes you associate sex with relaxation.

I'm not entirely sure if this would work, but maybe a vibrator could work fast enough to get you over the edge before you build up uncomfortable levels of stimulation? They're generally more efficient than human parts alone. I think that there are at least several kinds of stimulation going on in sex--the direct sexual stuff, the pre-existing nonsexual stuff, the nonsexual distraction from things like chafing and uncomfortable positions and light and noise, the emotional stress, and the general (mostly nonsexual) nerve alertness that is a direct result of the sexual stimulation. What you want to do is get enough of the first kind before you get too much of the other kinds, and vibrators have a relatively high ratio of sexual to nonsexual stimulation because they vibrate so fast and are less likely to chafe.

If you're on SSRIs, though, don't be surprised if nothing works. They don't shut off sexual function, but they make it much more difficult.

Yes, I understand this issue! (and I would like to welcome you to WrongPlanet.com!)

I remember having my first orgasm about 14 years old when I didn't know what that was all about. I didn't know what it was, and in my subsequent sexual contact, I don't remember anything but the satisfaction of being the total focus of another human being when they were sexually attracted to me and I gave them what they wanted. My satisfaction was their attention and it was like that until I learned (I don't know how) how to give myself orgasms.

I had better cut to now, in my 50's and what I have found that helps me.

I have what I now call my 'Aspie O's'. I soon realized that hypersensitivity would end the quest for orgasms and multiple orgasms would be out of the question. So when I was working one of my best jobs I invested into a Sybian, a type of orgasm machine( www.sybian.com ). Using the Sybian I was able to explore how MY body acted and reacted to stimulus. Isn't it strange I found that I had to crank it up to BEYOND what I could stand at first, to over stimulate myself and then drop it completely for about 15 to 30 seconds and then . . .very gently, very slowly, stimulate again for the most body quivering, quietly open mouth gasping, eyeball rolling 'Aspie O' ? no earthquakes, screaming or even moving my position would only distract. Just the emotional/physical release not connected to another. No feelings of "oh, are they getting tired?, are they enjoying this?" None of that. I am in control of the controls. It's liberating in the way that learning to read was liberating. (Now I can do it I can read anything I please!)

Could I do it without this (totally awesome) machine? Why would I even care ? I learned long ago no one was responsible for my sexual satisfaction (orgasms, especially) but me. Having my own sexual satisfaction handy makes me free from being bound to someone that just might have that perfect technique and drag me though hell. I can drag myself through hell all by myself. Besides, I can incorporate my sybian into any relationship I may have in the future.

your mileage may vary,

Merle

Not anorgasmic but I'm hypo-sensitive for some reason. I need VERY heavy stimulation or I can't feel anything. I've made myself hemorrhage sometimes, and not felt it...

I JUST found out there was a word for that, because I was looking through this list: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_mental_disorders

Yeah... never had one. Sometimes I think I get close when I'm dreaming, but the sensation wakes me up before I can make it. D:

I don't know what to do about it. But I think my reason is probably different from yours. For me, being female is a turn-off. XD;; So it turns sex into a real catch 22. Can't forget about the boobs when they're being squeezed. D: D: D: