Your first encounter with AS

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hi everybody. I just recently found out I've AS. I'm 17. My mom used to (and still does) blame me for not being talkative. She would always compare me to other kids she knew and point out to me how awful a kid I was. She would accuse me of being reclusive and reserved, and she would critcize me for not showing any interest in her and in dad. So I used to believe I was to blame for the kind of person I am until I recently discovered the AS stuff. I mean I used to think it was temporary and sooner or later I would grow more confident in myself and start socializing. As for my parents, I just thought we didn't have much in common to talk about.
Since I found out I have AS all I can think about is how no matter what I do to improve myself, I am doomed to be a failure in real life.

Can any of you share his first thoughts upon discovering AS? How did your life change?

MarkovV09, welcome. My experience is different from yours because I didn't learn about Asperger Syndrome until I was older. But you will find many on WP in a similar position to you. Learn what you can from them, and you won't feel so doomed any more!

I'm the same age as you. I was diagnosed two years ago. It made me feel relieved to know that it isn't my fault for being the way I am. I'm sorry you've had a rough life.

I realized I had symptoms of AS at 26 . I guess the library we call the internet is a good thing after all . I am not very talkative in person either . This is because I think conversation should be primarily for information sharing . Of course this depends on the topic . And I have found that I am quite conversant so long as I cannot see your face (telephone , VOIP etc. ) . Still haven't figured out why this is .
As for you being a failure , well that depends largely on what you consider 'successful' . Do you give 100% at work ...if so you are not a failure by any definition . Do you recognize shortcomings in your personality and performance and work to correct them in the future ? If so you cannot be a failure (although you may occasionally fail at some particular task ) . I play the role of Battlefield Command in a group of gamers . Two times we were World Champs , but in the last tournament we entered we placed 3rd . Does that make me a failure . Hardly , but I had a difficult time digesting the fact that it was my call that led to defeat . So I plug on , new game , new tourneys coming up . My point being that there are risks in any great endeavor . No risk , no gain . And work on those chatting skills even though like me , you probably won't be a great coversationalist .

Life is only a failure if you fail to achieve anything you have aspired to.

HandyAndy, which game?

When I was seven after the phycyatrist told my mother and dianogsed me. I was young and the time and didn't care and it sounded funny I told my best friend at the time about it on the school bus that I had a "disease" (I couldn't think of a better way to desciribe it) and she just looked at me weird and we both started laughing about it because it sounded so funny and then we laughed about the phycratist's name.

I think your experience works like a blueprint for the general experience of not knowing that you have aspergers:

* You feel guilt, because you are not functioning the way you should in society
* You think you will outgrow it at some point, especially if you have a supportive family (but guilt rises, because you wait and wait, and you try and try and it never happens)
* People point out you're too serious, or dont talk much, and to you you are just being youself and normal so you dont get what they mean
* Theres more guilt because you think you dont care about others, and that is associated with being "bad" or "evil", even though you are neither


I dont think you're (we're) doomed to be a failure. We just dont have as many options as others. I would advice any aspergers teen to go on to a sciencie carreer, especially computers. I would advice against anything that has to do too much with people. Of course its mostly common sense.

About the change of life upon discovering, for me it has been positive, because you can let go the guilt trip. It takes some time, but you have to reteach yourself not to look youself like a failure, but to make the appropiate 'causations'. E.G. Am i stupid or I have a syndrome? Do people really hate me or they dont understand how I function? etc.

My first encounter was in school when I was about ten years old. One person at my school had AS, I however never saw her as any diffrent from all the NT:s, especially since I at the time didn't know what AS was. Now I just got to know that I have Aspergers and ADHD myself.

I discovered it at sixty, I just thought people were dumb. Sixty years has not changed my mind, discovering AS has not changed my mind.

Work on what you are naturally good at. No one is everything.

Learning everything about sports, mindless chatting with mindless people, is always a waste of time.

Same problem with my parents, they thought I should shoot low, I got a job in computers in 1963, they went on and on about how I should do something that had a future. Construction laboror was suggested.

Read some good dictionaries, research things that interest you, skip school, learn how to learn.

You are a Culture of One, even here, learn about that one.

It is what you have to work with, and I would rather be me.

No one your age really gets along with their parents.

They raise you, then blame the outcome on you.

WOW Inventor! I'm like 20 years younger than you, but I followed the same course! "Construction laboror", now at least, is generally considered a low level low income job for hard physical labor. At least programmers still get SOME respect, get paid more, and you generally work inside.

i just recently found out about AS as well.. i kinda felt like you.. my parents didn't understand me and i always felt guilty for being myself.. so i never talked to them much, and my mom thought i didn't love her because i didn't open up and talk to her all the time about my every problem... and.. yeah. my life has changed for the better, because now i understand myself better and can understand others better because of it, because i never really thought about how NTs functioned differently than i do. i just thought i was doing something wrong. but, now, when people ask me "why are you like this" or "why do you do this" or something like that, i have an answer for them!! and, suddenly, it's not my fault!! ! so the guilt's gone, and i can finally accept myself fully as i am without feeling like i need to change. plus, my dad has abandoned his "get over it" ploy, in which he would force me into stressful situations (like calling people on the phone or touching cardboard) with the beleif that if i experienced it enough, i would somehow maracelously become normal... but, of course, only lead to panic attacks and guilt trips... but he's so much more understanding now, so the torture has stopped!!

as for being a failure, there are plenty of Aspies that are successful!! as for me, i'm in my 2nd year of college as an animation major... i suggest you find something that you're really passionate about and make a career out of it!! that way, you won't find yourself uninterested and unmotivated. it will be much easier to succeed that way. plus, yeah.. i'd suggest something where you can still stay in your comfort zone. i admit, i'm a little aprehensive about finding a job in the future, but i'm sure i'll be fine.. especially if i can find someone to be my spokesperson!! lol... they can do the talking and i'll do the animating.

I was diagnosed when I was 11 - I'm 16 now. My life didn't change when I was diagnosed, as I had no idea what AS was at the time. I'm still trying to understand what it is, and so is my mum.

that sounds like what happend to me. what you have to do is, get angry. im shure anger isnt for anyone but once your family treats you like sh-t guess what? you ge the same treatment! smack that b-tch up, and your dad too, im tired of people who have autism get treated like sh-t because there quiet.

Well, Markov, I'm glad you've learned (have you been officially diagnosed?) about AS and know about your problem and why you are the way you are. I have only recently learned about it, and all I can say is that knowing you have the condition makes a huge difference.

I can most definitely identify with you where you thought your awkwardness or social problems were temporary or just a phase. I remember being in grade school thinking that. But I never got out of it. You never did, and it's not your fault, and it's not necessarily a problem. It's certainly not something to be ashamed of. Don't for a second think it's your fault or that it's something you should be ashamed of. Does it make sense for a leukemia patient to be ashamed of his bald head? Of course not! It's just something you need to accept and once you do it will make a huge difference. It sounds like your mother doesn't accept you, and that's a true shame. I am very sorry that you couldn't have a more loving and accepting mother. If anyone should be ashamed it's her.

I realize that it's lonely. And it is a lonely life, make no mistake about it. But it doesn't necessarily have to be, depending on how badly afflicted with AS you are. As you may know, some are severely afflicted with AS, while others are only mildly afflicted. Some are doomed to be lonely and others aren't. I say, just do what you want and what works for you. There is a large learning curve for us and life is most definitely going to be harder for you than it will be for others. Allow yourself that. Give yourself a break. This is your life and not anyone else's. It's certainly not your mother's.



I didn't really answer your question, but just gave you some encouragement and advice. Sorry. But I just typed a lot and don't want to waste more space. But, at any rate, I hope that helped a little.

This is bad parenting. She should have been encouraging you, not criticizing you. I think the way you feel right now has a lot to do with that. You think you're "doomed to be a failure" because that's what your mother has essentially been telling you -- not specifically about AS, obviously, but in general. I'm sure she didn't mean for it to affect you that way... some people are just self-centered and hypercritical, and I think your mother must be one of them. You certainly don't sound like you were an "awful kid."

So, try stop thinking about the negatives for a little while. What are you good at? What do you really enjoy doing? What would you like to try doing? At 17, you have a whole life ahead of you. It might be a different life than someone who is "neurotypical," but that doesn't mean that you can't accomplish things, be "successful," and more importantly, be happy.

Now, if there isn't anything you enjoy, and you can't think of anything to look forward to doing, and you're unhappy in a way that makes you think that you'll never be happy... that's depression. Unlike AS, depression can doom you to be a failure... because it will keep you from even trying. If you are depressed, ask for help.

For me, the realisation that I had AS was a good thing. It meant that I was NOT just stupid or lazy. It did not mean that the problems I had couldn't be overcome, but it was an explanation for why I had those problems. A better understanding of myself led to better strategies for overcoming my weaknesses.