The Funniest Thing a Shrink Ever Said to You

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Ihdreniel, your avatar is made of win and awesome.

I think, by looking at other WP posts about them, that the funniest thing a shrink can say to you is that they know everything they're talking about.

Good Day Mr. Wolf my psychiatrist said, as our first clumsy getting to know you better appointment began. They next said Wolf I've been reading up on autism in preparation for our meeting today. I have discovered that you autistic's come in two basic flavors. There are autistc's that come with special gifts and parlor tricks. Alternately there are autistics who present without special skills tricks and abilities... Which kind of autistic are you? I was asked.

Alphawolf, I think yours wins!

This is the funniest thing that's happened with my psychiatrist, copied and pasted from the messageboard that I posted it to almost a year ago:

"Making friends is like making muffins."

I changed p-docs lately, but was back in town for Xmas, so I met up with my previous p-doc today. I got dxed by the new guy, so I had to tell this guy about the dx.

He answers with, "Well, it might just be the ADD."

*headdesk*

By the end, he was asking me questions, for research on a few of his patients. And I'm paying for this???

My other "favorite" shrink experience . . . oh but there are so many favorites . . . is the one I went to the summer after my sophomore year in college. I'd been severely suicidal for most of that semester, and the therapist dude has the audacity to tell me he thinks I'm fine and I'm just over thinking everything.

"You -censored- -censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored--censored-!"

Me: "You're a -censored--censored--censored--censored-. -censored- off."

"You're an aggressive bully."

Me:

Edit: This is real.

First you must realize my grandmother or great grandmother usually took me to my clinic visits. This time my gruff totally practical hard edged but very loving grandfather took me to this particular clinic appointment. Now my favorite shrink experience of my youth was when I went to the hospital with my grandfather. The psychiatrist a younger man read the what I suspect were the important parts of my clinic record. The doctor had sat me down on this high table in his office and asked me in a jovial rolling voice, "SO Young man what problem brings you here to my office today?" My grand father knew such open ended questions just confused and upset me to meltdown mode at that time. My grandfather attempting to avoid my tantrum in a loud upset voice answered, "WHAT PROBLEM HAS BEEN BRINGING HIM ALONG WITH ALL OF HIS FAMILY HERE TO THIS HOSPITAL FOR ALL THESE MANY YEARS! My Tantrum was averted because I was SO shocked that my grandfather normally a very quiet intensely private man unless he had something extremely imortant to say was having his own mini tantrum I forgot my upset.

I sat there shocked and my doctor was even more shocked. My doctor tried to justify his question to me as introductory but, my grandfather was having none of it. My grandfather asked, "Did you read the chart?" My grandfather suddenly added Wolf reacts badly to ill defined open ended non specific questions. Why are you asking my kid to do the job of familiarizing you with his case? We could ask Wolf these questions at home. Show mw how are you helping my son? Show me why we need you if you don't know what problem brings my son here today for help? After that the doctor asked the kinds of closed questions which were all I understood at that time.

At sessions end that doctor gave my grandfather a written summary of my diagnosis, my prognosis and a written list of his insights into how to help me. He shared a list of what exact skills I had worked on, improved in and mastered during that time together that day. When my grandfather came home he shared all the papers and verbal insights with my grandmother and family and they all remarked, WOW we never came away with all this information on Wolfy. Family felt my grandfather for having done so well should always be the one to deal with my psychologists and psychiatrists where possible from that point forward. LOL I think the whole thing was so funny!

"It is more likely you are suffering severe mood swings than mild depression."

Yeah sure.

- Let's face it. You're evil.
- How did you come to that conclusion?
- ...

I asked my old therapist if he thought I had Asperger's.

He asked me if I let different foods on the same plate touch.

I said yes.

He said I had failed the Asperger's test.

If I were your father. . . I'd kill you!! !!

(After I kicked his head. I was 8 years old or so.)