What about the arm-flapping thing?

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Although I feel uncomfortable at the very idea of talking for people who mostly aren't here, in the third person -- having both lived and gone to school full-time with people with intellectual disabilities, and currently living in a building with several (as well as several physically disabled, autistic, elderly, etc. people) their personalities are as varied as anyone else's are.

Also, at times, that "sweetness" is really a lifetime of drilled-in compliance and subservience, just as women were once routinely viewed as meek and sweet. I used to have some of those qualities myself.

That's from an Article about Anya Souza, who has Down syndrome.

Imagine if people said "People with Asperger's are sweet, affectionate, etc" to the point where that became a stereotype. And you knew you were just as liable to be grouchy or out of sorts or screwed up or assertive or powerful as anyone else, but every time you tried to say so, people told you how sweet and angelic you really were and kind of treated you like a favored dog. (I've been in this position.) That's what she means. (The same woman along with several others has been very strong and assertive, and not "sweet" sounding at all, in protesting against the routine screening out of people like her.)

And I'm saying this, not to put people down, but out of respect. If someone started spreading the idea that people like me were these "sweet, compliant little souls" (as Jenny Morris put it, and as does happen from time to time) I'd want someone to say something if I weren't around to deal with it. It sounds like a compliment but it's really a reduction of people's humanity to make that kind of generalization.

When I was a boy in elementary school, I would flap my arms. In third grade a couple girls would say to me, "Think. Think. Hard. Hard. Double. Double. ret*d." But I'm not ret*d. I have an IQ of about 95, which is average. I do have Tourette Syndrome. Now that I'm an adult though, my tics are mostly vocal. And I no long am currently experiencing complex motor tics. I don't know about stims, but with tics I do movements, and or make sounds, without even thinking about doing them. It's just an automatic reaction to either internal and or external stimuli, similar to a reflex. I suppose that some people may do it as a quirky habit. But for those of us who have a neurological difference, we can't just decide to quit. Not completely anyway. If we do try to suppress them for very long, they just build up inside of us, and are often times even more severe when we do have to let it out. and if anyone thinks that flapping arms like a bird is weird, at least you don't bark like a dog, or snort like a pig, like I do now.

I flap my hands occasionally if i'm very stressed to calm down, usually i go lock myself in the bathroom cos then it stops random comments




PS i've not been on this site much but I've been reading some posts now - why must we be so mean to each other here, we've the rest of the NT world to do that, it sucks and makes me sad that theres so much bitching here

Smiley: PS i've not been on this site much but I've been reading some posts now - why must we be so mean to each other here, we've the rest of the NT world to do that, it sucks and makes me sad that theres so much bitching here

I agree with you 100%. I don't understand why people can't disagree and be civil about it!

I sort of do it when I get excited while talking. I'll hold my forearms at right angles to my body and my arms will sort of go stiff and I tend to flap my hands vertically for some reason (with the palms facing each other instead of down). I get away with it in public because I guess other people take it for those hand movements NTs seem to do when they speak, only at much, much faster speed.

Since I have taken notice of it, I have flapped my hands a few times. It eases frustration somewhat.
If and when I did it in the past, either people haven't noticed, or I didn't notice that they noticed!
The way I walk has gotten a lot of comments, though.

Hey! You must be VERY unsmart. Arm-flapping and hand-flapping are signs of AUTISM. NOT being ret*d!! !! !

Ther's no need to quit hand-flapping It's good for both body and soul. So stop saying people should stop! People, you can all flap away(as I do)

No! It's for all auties/aspies who feel the need to do it!

My sons 8 years old and hand flaps,hes also been recognised as genius by his teachers.

I know an AS boy who is 16 years old and still flaps his hands when excited. He does it quietly with his hands low, by his sides. I don't even think it's an issue. So what? Some people laugh with a snort and others cock their head to the side like an idiot when they think they are being sexy or cute. There are all kinds of mannerisms that could be irritating to someone. It can't be helped and no one is likely to change because of someone else's preferences.

My son used to stim a bit by twirling his fingers at eye level when he was a toddler. I just took his hands and put something in them for him to play with or do: pencil, paint brush, rock, sponge, whatever. I think it did look ridiculous and distracting, but it didn't take long before he quit doing it. But even if he had persisted, I guess we would just have to get used to it.

If you really have an aversion to people handflapping, I guess you'll just have to communicate with them online so you don't have to watch them do it! I have to admit, when I was young, visual stimuli of nearly every kind disturbed me. I especially hated it when people scrunched up their faces while making expressions (sad, anxious, mad, smiling). I really preferred a straight face. I thought it made people ugly when they smiled. I thought people doing dance moves looked weird (also people running, jumping, skipping; nearly every movement besides walking!). So I can relate a bit to the fact that you don't like to see someone flapping. (although our reasons may or may not be the same)

My 4.5 yo flaps out of excitement. It looks to me as though his body can't contain the feelings, and so he expresses them physically.

Yupa's strong feelings about wanting others not to flap point to what I suspect all "other" hatred is about: seeing something you hate about yourself in someone else. Most hatred is self-hatred, which is a very sad thing indeed.

When I was much younger my mom would always get onto me about playing with my fingers and making sound effects.Mind you, these days I don't do that as much or make the sound effects unless it's when I'm in a private scenario so, Other than this I'm just an eccentric,kindhearted person with AS

I have another son who does this alot! It's nearly impossible for him to stop. But he is imagining fighting sequences in his mind and playing them out on his fingers. He has a very active imagination.

I was the same way as part of my imagination was and sometimes is inherently similar..

ProfessorX

I'm interested that you only developed it in your mid-20s. I'm 22 and this year have developed a head wobble/twitch that seems to happen when I think of a bad thing and need to get rid of the thought. I've also started incessantly pulling at my earlobe, which I do all day at work. I'm wondering if these are both forms of 'stimming' (a term I've only just learnt).