Cruel "girl" tricks being played on my son at scho

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My seventeen-year-old aspie son is a great kid, rarely getting into trouble, no drugs or alcohol or bullying, with a fascinating mind that's always thinking outside the box and stumping his teachers, etc. (they either love him or he drives them crazy). He's not at all unsympathetic to people, either, although he does have trouble seeing other people's feelings if they don't relate to him, once in awhile. The only real problem we have is getting him to do his work, get organized, fulfill his potential, etc.

He's been diagnosed for about ten years now. He's been in the same school district all of his life, with mostly the same kids. They all know him and his "eccentricities" by now and most are okay with him, they're used to it. But there are a few who have never stopped teasing him, and not in a nice way, either. And there are new kids each year, too. Well, they know how lonely he's felt about being 17 and a junior and yet never having a girlfriend or even a date or kiss yet, while all of his friends and classmates have had those experiences. And they also know his lack of social understanding and greatly diminished ability to read social cues, etc., etc. yaddayadda (we all know the drill, hell I've lived with it all of my own life, too, as has hubby, who's my son's stepfather, btw, and not his natural father. His father doesn't understand AS, is ashamed of him, and has made no effort to see him in over two years. Which is no great loss at all, frankly). And you know how cruel so many kids can be, how they zero in on known deficiencies.

So, they thought it'd be fun to play around with him. One of the girls made it seem as if she were interested in him and wanted to go out with him and be his girlfriend. A lot of people would have been able to see the hidden vicious glee and sneer behind it, but unfortunately he wasn't. They let it go on for several days, waiting for his excitement about it all to build, before popping the balloon. Now he's truly crushed, and I'm beyond infuriated. I know these things are going to happen and he's going to have to deal with them, as I did and still do, in a way. But that doesn't make it any easier at all. Hell, it almost makes it harder knowing he's having to go through the exact same things I did and there's little I can do about it except commiserate. It's really hard, also, because he doesn't live with me, he lives with my mom several states away (he decided he didn't want to move with me, even after I got married, because it would have been too hard to be uprooted like that from everything he's ever known. Given his AS, he's right, unfortunately, and I'm not gonna force him). But we've always been very close, so I've been in constant communication with him.

Why do people have to be so f*****g cruel with things like this? Why do they get off on playing these tricks and causing such misery? I realize these are rhetorical questions, but still. God, I am so pissed and hurt for my son!! !! ! And they claim that AS/ASD are the ones who don't empathize and have feelings! BS!

Do the teachers/ admins at school know about your sons AS? If anyone treated my kid that way, I'd make sure it was the very last thing they would ever do and make sure no one in that school screwed with someone from my family. I would not care if they are under age or not they knew what they were doing. No one should have to be teased like that, just cruel. I'm sorry your son went through it.

Yes, they do know and, with some exceptions, the school district's been pretty good about it most of the time. The problem is that, as he's getting older, they're saying he needs to deal with it more himself. GRRRRRR! So, we ask them, does that mean that the tricksters can do whatever they want without repercussion? And, if he were to retaliate in anger (which is still a possibility, even though we've worked on it for years and he's much, much better and more in control of himself), would he be the only one punished while the others go completely free? Silence.

I remember a couple of years ago when a teacher taking them on a three-day field trip out-of-state made him sign a "contract" of behavior, that he would not do such and such before the trip or he couldn't go, and during the trip or we'd have to come get him. Fair enough. But there was absolutely nothing about the kids who knew exactly how to push his buttons and who did it for the hell of it 'cause they enjoyed his reactions and getting him into trouble. That really pissed mom and I off, and we made them change it to include those kids as well.

There are cruel people in the world. Unfortunately, I've started to notice an increase of such people at the schools I've been to. There are some people that actually believe that people with AS/ASD means that they're stupid when in fact, they're not. There are many reasons why people play pranks to the innocent ones, but its mostly done to entertain the prankster.

While that cruel girl may have crushed your son's chance at love, your son has learned something that girl ironically taught even if not on purpose, a life-long experience about love. Even though you don't want your son to go through the exact same things that you did back then, look at what getting through those things got you to where you are today. Being cruel with pranks may give you a small amount of entertainment, but life-long experiences last throughout someone's entire life.

I'd watch what that school does with that stuff and if there is any kind of double standard with them punishing your son and not the kids that teased him, get a lawyer, sue and contact the media on how that school treats its students with disabilites.

I always wondered why girls would play this trick on me... Not too often though I must admit. I was sure there may have been one or two serious ones, but I'll never know

Girls and bullies at school love to play tricks and tease the strange kids. They think its funny.





Until the kid being teased blows the bully away with a gun. Then they say its the person that got teased fault and not the person the did the bulling, the bully is never wrong.

As your son gets older, he will need to deal with it more himself. Why? Because hes getting closer to adulthood, the stage when teenagers finally become young adults, meaning that they'll have alot of responsibilities on their shoulders. The tricksters cannot do whatever they want without suffering from repercussions as one of their tricks may backfire on themselves. You can look online on how to deal with tricksters and teach your son everything about the topic.

westernwild,

It may sound mysoginistic, but females CAN be cruel. my stepmother USED to have exchange students over. one cute girl mused about how she could have any boy on the beach, and she was promiscuous.

They treat ALL males that way. I think MOST males see through it to some degree. Still, it IS a temptation.

Frankly, I think males and females are often equally bad, just in different ways.

The situation never changes. But you are now bumping into the real problem of being autistic. Your son is growing up and all the support that he had before will no longer be made available. It is like people expect autistic individuals to grow out of autism once they are 18. The most important thing now is to think about college perhaps and how he will provide for himself. What happened is harsh, but by no means the worst that you will hear about on this board. We Aspies have to learn to live with such social abuse. If you let it get to you, it will drive you nuts.

So incredibly cruel, it is so hard because what your son needs is probably to talk this awful situation through, to help him feel better about it. But ..... he likely feels so humiliated that the last thing he is up to - is to be able to talk about what happened.

People can be cruel.

Is there some other way you can seek to restore/build his ego. Is now a good time to accentuate something he does well, and give some sort acknowledgment as recognition of his gifts.

Sexual Harassment in the first degree!
Call the police!

They're (NT) females, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT! There's a reason why people, autistic or not crack jokes and stereotypes about females!

and when people poke those jokes they get up in arms saying xyz, lol..



yeah, got to love the BS society. Seung-hui Cho will be a Marty to the fringe...

Figures huh? Seems like they get away with things.. but only for so long. I know things now that my former bullies are dealing with and its not pleasant! Karma eventually catches up.

You know what I would do? I would first write down a heart felt letter so I can really come up with a great speech about how cruel that was. Address it specifically to the girl and don't even bother trying to explain this to the whole group.

Go to the school and when you see her walking with a big group of her friends, walk up to her and calmly tell her how upsetting this was and how unfairly she treated him. Open the conversation with a compliment and a smile and offer her all of your heartfelt sympathy for her ignorance. Her friends will back down and not want to take any blame so they will turn all the blame on her.
This will teach them all a lesson and I bet it won't happen again if you can pull it off without getting too emotional. You have to be persuasive and prepare a speech like you are heading for a debate.

I'm so sorry that happened.

Wow im sorry but im gettin a really bad vibe from the OP

First off you condemn your son's biological father and claim that your husband is his real father cuz he doesn't see him in 2 years, but at the same timehe doesn't even live with you either and has no connection with his step father whatsoever with him.

i see this a lot a classic guilt trip trying to blame the other parent for doing the least amount of work while at the same time doing barely anything either and nobody taking any responsbility so it looks like your mom helped out or whatever.


Also how did you come aabout this information? What if your son was the one who gto a crush on the girl an she didnt like hima n feels rejected how do u know they were teasing him you don't even live with him.

this is ridiculous and i dont agree with the son living with ur mom while u get to avoid all responsiblities whatsoever