dwelling on conflicts

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Yes, they re telling me here i am bad all the time. Thats why i probably quit.

I think indeed that it has to do as well with self esteem, but coming from a dysfunctional family an da teenage student life of bullying, it ain't easy to believe when people sayd positive things about you.

With my sister I had recently a spate of fighting again and I recalled hurt and pain from when I was 5. And she could only say, gosh are still harking back to things that far, it is what children do (fighting and calling names, she always used to call me a cry baby and others now call me a drama queen, what's in a name, huh?)

She was always siding with my dad when he laughed at me when I cried over hurt feelings.

I try to finish conflicts whenever they happen (by one way or another) but when for whatever reason they're not finished, that's all I think about. In example, just the other day I was ready to pound my brothers face in but it wasn't allowed to happen. I don't let that stuff go.

i do that.

I literally have to pull my brain away from thinking about conflicts in the past. It wants to dwell on it so much, it's not even funny. Sometimes I am successful in distracting it by forcing it to play back some song I remember, or some theme music from a TV show that is fresh in my memory.