What's appropriate.

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Do you have "forwardness" issues? I told a friend I come out and say how I feel. (example told another friend her glasses were ugly took them off her head and stashed them into my pocket) she didn't mind another time I asked her her weight while out to dinner.I try to to be honest and come out and say how I honestly feel. My friend suggested I try to fix this as she called "forwardness" issue. Also a second question WHY is asking a person's weight in public not socially acceptable (NOT a complete stranger mind you but a good friend) I don't understand the concept of WHY it's socially inappropriate. Can someone enlighten me please? (Ok that was 3 questions anyway! LOL!)

I totally have forwardness issue!! ! but maybe not as much as you. for me I dont tell other people if I think something is ugly, but I'm very straight with my feelings... and I realised, by experience, saying your truth feelings are not a good thing to do.
And the weight thing, I don't understand as well... I don't know why asking a female about weight is inappropriate...coz as a female I don't mind people asking.
Last week, a guy asked me my weight, and his friend was like "hey do you know that it's inappropriate to ask girls about their weight" and I said "it's ok, i don't mind telling people my weight" and the friend said "oh, you're not a girl then." I know many girls hate telling their weight, but I really don't understand why...

Some people don't want to reveal anything they consider too personal, especially if it's something they're self-concious about.

It's a cultural thing. In our western culture being overweight is very embarassing. People associate it with glutony and lack of self control. In societies where food is scarcer they might be embarassed by having low weight because it's a sign of poverty or poor health or medical care. I had a friend from Uganda in college who would sometimes compliment the girls by remarking about how they were gaining weight. He found it very amusing that we were offended, but did stop doing it.

Saying someone's glasses are ugly doesn't have the same connotation, unless she just spent a lot of money on very fashionable ones. A good friend of mine broke his regular glasses and has been using his older pair. He calls them his birth control glasses as they are so ugly they keep the girls away. Ugly glasses are funny if the owner agrees they are ugly. Weight just never is. Everybody thinks they are too thin or too fat, and it's best not to bring that up in public. Your friend might not talking to you about her weight but doesn't want strangers thinking about her weight.

If you feel bad about your weight, you don't want to go broadcasting it. I don't want to go talking about something that makes me feel bad. Also I'm a very private person - I keep a lot to myself and I dislike being put on the spot made to feel I have to reveal something that I consider a part of my inner world..

I don't like my weight but I don't feel like the actual number needs to be a secret because anyone can look at me and see that I'm fat.

They might be thinking, "well, she's probably over 230 but I don't think she's as much as 300" so what difference does it make if I tell them that I'm actually 249? If I say, "that's personal! I won't tell you!" then they still know I'm fat, so what sort of face have I really saved?

I know this is an aspie point of view but I think sometimes people are too uptight about what you are "allowed to talk about in mixed company. I have been saying "inappropriate" things since I was a kid. My Mom has stories! Some of the things I understand but I dont....if that makes sense. I understand after getting in trouble, so to speak, there are somethings you just dont say because it hurts other peoples feelings but I am at a loss as to why it hurts their feelings.
It makes some people really angry and Ive had people say mean and hurtful things to me to "teach me" how it feels but thats not really fair because I never meant to hurt anyones feelings....Im just trying to have a conversation!
Like I had a friend in school who lived on a pig farm and whenever they were putting manure on the fields I joked that I could smell her house and she would get really upset. I just did not understand that. Now if I told her she smelled then I would understand. Anyway, I dont get uptight people. I dont ever say offensive personal things to people like...."your ugly" or "fat" or anything like that so I dont understand the big deal .

I got punished once because a classmate's mother was supposed to pick her and me up after class (because I lived across the street from her and my mother was busy) and she was two hours late coming to get us and at one point I said, "I hope she hasn't been in a car accident!"

My mother found out that I'd said that and I was punished and I asked why I was being punished and I was told that it was an inappropriate thing to say. But I had been genuinely concerned. What shoudl I have said? "I expect she's having a grand day and is just so healthy and happy that she forgot she had a child and a responsibility to a neighbor." Yeah, whatever.

I guess I was supposed to keep my mouth shut for two hours and pretend nothing unusual was happening and that my neighbor and I had just chosen to sit out in front of school for two hours because it was such a lovely day.

Now thats loopy. That would have been the first thing that came to my mind and I certainly would have verbalized that....over and over LOL!

Yeah me too. >.< And I still do sometimes. Haha.

Forwardness is fine as long as you can avoid being rude.

Your friend may have very much liked the glasses she picked out and by outright telling her they were ugly, you showed a lot of disregard for her feelings.and someone who doesn't know you very well might take such a statement as an outright attack on them

A better way to bring it up would have been saying "I don't think those glasses are very flattering on you."

Who cares what people think?

I'm pretty forward, but usually not enough to make anyone upset with me and react. I'm fairly quiet around people I don't know well enough to know what to say, and then most of my friends aren't so much the type to be offended about those sorts of things. I do occasionally make people go "wtf" though, with some of the things that I think and say out loud.

I think I need a stronger filter on the verbalization of my thoughts, because sometimes they're just really random, or even personal to me in ways that discomfort others. Like when I've mentioned how I had fun cross-dressing one time, when my high school had an "opposite gender" day during spirit week. What's wrong with that though? It's harmless fun, really, and I was showing school spirit! ^^ ... Okay, so maybe I never show school spirit, and people who know me know that, and they're all ignorant homophobes who equate cross-dressing with homosexuality and get all weirded out. I guess I get that one.

Still though, it's a real PITA. It was a contextually relevant statement. I was empathizing with a friend's plight about the perils of high heels. xD

Me. Because when they start thinking too much of the wrong stuff they seek to institutionalize me.

Never forget that actions are preceded by thoughts.

What is appropriate depends on what you want to achieve. Ignoring other people's thinking is taking a considerable risk that they come to think wrong things about you and this could have repercussions. I try to walk the thin line between manipulation and indifference, and it is not easy...


J

If I do have forwardness issues, I'm not aware of it. I don't think you should call a friend's glasses/clothes/something ugly...they may mind and say otherwise. I am really sarcastic and my friends and I will tease each other to no end. Try teasing instead of saying something as flat as 'that's ugly.' For instance...sometimes my friend will say 'Alex, your ass-burgers is showing.' I think it's really funny But if she said 'you're being socially awkward and making yourself look like an idiot' it wouldn't be funny, it would just make me feel bad. I probably wouldn't say anything, that's why I suggested maybe your friend wouldn't either. But it may have been a friendly joking sort of thing between you two, it's always hard to tell when you aren't there.

I can't exactly explain on the weight issue. For some reason it's embarrassing to announce it. When I get weighed at the doctor they don't announce the number out loud. I think one small part of it is that if you know someone's weight before you know them, you judge them to be larger/smaller than they are. When I get an actual number in my head (even for someone I already know) I start visualizing the person. If I told you my weight you would probably visualize me to be larger than I actually am. Weight is sort of like money I guess...some people don't mind talking about it, but most people worry about it a lot and it's considered rude to ask about it.

I remember Penny on The Big Bang Theory not wanting to say her weight, and Sheldon saying "I'm sorry, do you equate your body mass to your self-worth?" Lol, something similar to that.