I cant take myself anymore please tell me I'm not alone

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Well he and I talked for a few mins and decided to start just so I can see what he likes about fishing he wants to catch a stripe fish and Once he catches one we head home. He did ask if I would try fishing again, and if I try it and like it we will stay longer the next time and if I dont we will work up to staying longer. So that issue is solved at least. The other ones we will work on and get better at. Thank you for the help so far its been great.

From reading all this, somewhere in your past near the time you began to be controlling over things is an event or couple of events that i suspect instilled abandonment issues in you.

Get to those and resolve them and i think you'll find the follow on issues (controlling, insecurity) start to diminish and the advice from therapists will actually start to work.

I think your tendency to control is a Symptom as opposed to 'the' problem.

Thank you and your right. This may not be it but when my brother was born back when I was 13 it did make me upset to have not as much attention as childish as that sounds so I wonder if that could be part of it and also friends and ex boyfriends well a couple of them left me too I wasnt the way I am now or anything but they couldnt put up with how moody I was back in high school just a thought.

There's probably something prior to that event that made you insecure enough to develop abandonment issues but that event could be a good starting point during therapy, i feel that i should say the following.

Its IMPORTANT to continue to take personal responsibility for your actions and the effect you have on others, even if mitigating circumstances exist, if you don't continue to take personal responsibility you'll get worse as a person.

Even if 'the voices' or tremendous anger, or deep seated insecurities drive a person towards an act, there is still, prior to doing it, a choice, that is why personal responsibility is important, the times where a person totally loses their will and mind to something and becomes nothing more than an animal is extremely rare, however its uncomfortable for us to admit that, for example while angry we CHOSE to do X thing, its preferable to shrug doing X thing off as 'well i was angry', not how it really works.

I also feel i should say that, in situations like the one you cited, theres often more going on than the surface suggests, i dont think it sounds childish that a deminishment in the attention you got with the arrival of your brother upset you, if anything its a hint that the insecurity underpining your abandonment issues comes form something before then and its not unusual, a persons reaction to change in the family depends entirely on their past experiences, that's why some people react as you did, and some seem to take it in stride.

That sounds so true. What the earlier cause is Im not sure. The issue I always had in therapy is that they were so quick to throw the label on me that the previous dr already had instead of trying to see if there was something else it could be.

A lot of my issues have to do with being born early that I know the control one no but the other ones yes and to keep being told oh your bipolar or borderline didnt help so I just would quit going. The therapist I most recently had was actually trying to help but she said I wasnt trying hard enough and the progess I was doing was too slow and was going to get kicked out in August being that I am too "high functioning" so I quit 2 weeks ago.

I really dont know if I even want to try another therapist since everyone I have gone to havent really helped me or wanted so much change so quickly that it was overwhelming.

Can I ask a few questions?

Is this agitation you experience more to do with sensory issues and when you speak of "exercising controlling behaviour"(paraphrase), are you speaking from sheer frustration to do with sensory issues?

Are you annoyed only with your husband or with everything?

And.....

How old are you? Are you experiencing hormonal fluctuations associated with perimenopause, Pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder, extreme PMS or menopause?

This may not be a purely behavioural issue......cognition plays a big part on controlling behaviours that stem from sensory issue reactions. If you are tired, stressed overloaded neurologically, cognitive effectiveness becomes limited due to lack of processing stamina.

I don't think you are a angry or a "self-saturated" person. I think you are overwhelmed. Please get some earplugs. Best thing I ever did. My agitation level was cut in half. I didn't realise how much sensory pain I was in until I got earplugs and dark sunglasses. Some communication skills revisited might also be a good idea.

Take good care of your precious self. You are loved.

Mics

A lot of it yes is sensory issues especially at work I get overloaded very quickly but at home it not so bad but maybe it could be that and I just didnt realize.

And I do get annoyed the most with him but if its a day I work Im usually so overloaded from work that I talk to him about that and next thing I know we are fighting and dont even know what started it.

I am 24 and Im on a birthcontrol that has no periods at all and havent had one in 2 years.

If only I could wear earplugs and sunglasses at work then I would be golden but since I work with the public I have to listen to everyones issues and if I get something wrong or a wrong price wow. It never ends.

and thank you for the help I never stopped to think it could all be due to sensory overload or at least a big part of it.

Please get your gynea to revisit your birth control situation. You should be getting regular periods unless you have PCOS, endometriosis, cysts or another genealogical issue. I have a strong feeling regarding the hormone issue. I am in perimenopause and feel like a angry ferret on crystal meth most of the time. Hormone disfunction or severe fluctuations will effect the neurotransmitter balance in the HPA axis(hypothalimic-pituitary-adrenal axis) which then effects dopamine, seretonin and endorphin levels. Your feel good drugs.

With ADHD, AS and obsessive thoughts, I am a right nightmare sometimes. Communication is key. There is nothing wrong with saying no to things as long as it is communicated effectively. Please rule out physiological distress before lumping it into the "behavioural" category.

Mics

Ah just a thought...please get your thyroid levels checked. One of the symptoms of thyroid disfunction is extreme or subtle mood swings, agitation, rage attacks, melancholia, depression, anxiety and irregular or missing menstruation among other things.

I would think being a control freak would fall under this:

(B)apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals

Plus sensory issues can cause someone to be one.
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Some women don't get their periods when they are on birth control. I knew someone like that at work and then she started getting it again when they switched her birth control pills to another brand.

Awesome expression I plan on stealing it sometime in the future....

Labnjab, don't forget it's ok if it turns out you don't like fishing: not everyone likes the same hobbies, and there's nothing wrong with that. Even if you hate it, I'd recommend letting your fiance keep it up. It's a nice relaxing hobby (plus not many females, so not much chance of him running off with some scarlet woman )

Thank you all for more replies.

I have had my thyroid checked in the past and its always been normal. I am on the birth control because I dont want monthly periods or even ones that happen 4 times a year. Ive been happier not having to deal with the cramps and other fun that goes with it. I have always thought that hormones have something to do with some of my issues as well but all of the drs I have mentioned it to disagree with me and just say I have to deal with it. I may ask again at my next appointment but not sure. I can be a nightmare a lot of the time but I figured it was just due to stress it must be due to something more.



Thats very true and to be honest what I control him mostly on is stupid crap. Like today for example we had a fight this morning on how I have gotten worse and how I should just stop doing it. But if it were that easy I would of stopped years ago. So thats why I keep thinking its something that I cant you know control and will have to take time to get better at it and it may never even go away. I hope I can figure out something soon because I cant endure another fight again even if he and I were still half asleep this morning.



Yes and I may not like it but even if I dont it beats staying home trying to find something on tv and yes there wouldnt be to many girls but being outdoors will be good since I never go outside unless its walking to the car. [/quote]