My gripes at ASpartners

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This is something that the Roman Catholic Church addresses, at least in the U.S. If you are in a parish in the U.S. (I don't know about other countries), you can't be married until you and your fiancee have gone through something called Pre-Cana. The tone of it may be different from parish to parish, but when my husband and I went through it before our wedding, this is precisely what we were required to talk about as one of its' exercises. We were given worksheets of things to discuss such as how we intended to divide up housework, how we intended to discipline our children, how we thought a home should run and so on. They didn't give us ways they thought were correct (with the exception of the assumption we would have children). The point was to require us to discuss what so often goes unsaid before a wedding. They want people to discover each other's unspoken assumptions before the wedding.

Ironic, isn't it?

~Kate

Exactly. It's a *human* thing, I think, to have less empathy for those who are not like oneself. The better part of humanity tries to overcome that. The rest post on bitchfest forums...

~Kate

The tame NT-griping and occasional NT-bashing on WP is nothing nothing nothing at all compared to the mean-spirited nasty-mouthed AS HATE on that forum.

I don't even know why it's called ASpartners. With as many people as they have that have left, are leaving, or are strongly considering leaving it should be AS ex-partners.

One b***h said that her ASH was like an onion. She kept peeling away the layers to discover ever-weirder layers underneath. She was a b***h, but I kind of liked the analogy.

It took me a little bit to realize they weren't all married to a guy named Ash and that it stood for Asperger's husband. (I think that's what it stands for)

Or AssPartners.

There was also a thread bitching about people on WP discounting Cassandra Affective Disorder as a real condition. I don't discount Cassandra Affective Disoder as a real condition. I call it "being a b***h".

I highly recommend that you NT partners totally avoid most such sites, since they vigorously encourage the attitude that NTs somehow deserve 'normal' spouses, that AS people can never be truly satisfying partners, and if an NT doesn't divorce his/her AS spouse s/he's making a terrible sacrifice.

I saw one nice person on there that actually suggested that maybe they can't help it and made some kind of comparison to expecting a blind person to see stuff.

The person that replied made some comment about how "they expect us to learn their language but don't want to learn ours,"

What she and most people don't get is that maybe they can't learn yours.

So many women on there seem to think they are being abused. If you really are then get out. I have my doubts about many women's claims of abuse on there. I think that just because it is in their partners nature to be a bit detached and emotionally distant from them they think it's "emotional abuse" because they aren't getting what they want.

To be fair, most of these people got married long before either of them even realized it was possible to be "high functioning autistic". So they went years and years and years with neither of them not knowing what the hell was going on and getting more and more hurt and distressed.

Now their hopes have been dashed and they feel "tricked", even though rationally they know (or should know) that their husbands didn't know all that stuff was going to go wrong either. Most of them (husbands and wives) married in good faith and kept trying to connect and do the right thing until they gave up from repeated failures.

They also complain about ASH LYING by acting NT at the same time that they demand that ASH LIE by acting NT to satisfy their multitudes of needs upon needs upon needs, which are never communicated to ASH, who are then labeled as "con artists" for trying to act NT when trying to satisfy one of their needs. WTF!! !

I saw one complain because their ASH did something thoughtful for them that they don't normally think of. It made them mad and made them think that means they have been "faking" all along. You can't win no matter what you do.

I got married before AS was recognized as a diagnosis. I've been married a long time, over 25 years. I think my husband knew I wasn't your average gal before we got married, even if there was no name for it. He knew about a lot of my quirks and weirdnesses beforehand. I don't buy that people are "tricked" into thinking they're getting an NT spouse...when you know someone well enough to marry them (hopefully you know them well) you know there is something different.

~Kate

Oh, that's MADDENING. What planet do these b*****s come from???

~Kate