Dear NTs, I do apologise most profusely...

Post Reply New Topic

Whenever I'm standing at a building entrance waiting for a friend or a date, I sometimes get dirty looks from people walking by. This is especially true when I'm near a place where teenagers hang out. I would assume it's because I don't have the "correct" facial expression, whatever it is. So I ask the person I'm waiting for to give me a call when he/she is almost there, and simply wait in the car. Other times, I smoke a cigarette while I wait, as I tend to look more NT-acceptable (from what I noticed) while I'm smoking. Read below for a clever way to keep people from asking you those questions.

One time, I was waiting for my date in front of a TGI Friday's-type restaurant, there were some teenagers running around. At one point, they noticed me standing there, with my "incorrect" facial expression. They asked me: "What'cha doin' here?" in an bully tone. I almost told them the truth, but then said: "My car got stolen; I'm waiting for my friend to come get me." All of a sudden, the same teens who were about to bully me became nice and sympathetic; they said: "Sorry to hear that. Did'ju report it?" When I told them yes, one guy said: "OK, I hope you get it back", and they left me alone, while I quietly waited for my date. And they didn't anything when I went inside with her, either. During the whole date, I couldn't help but smile on the inside about how I cleverly avoided a very unpleasant situation.

Like most of you, I also get annoyed when people ask me if i'm sad when I have a serious face. What's worse is that I have to deal with a bunch of NTs in mainstream classes. What angered me more was this one incident that happened to me my Sophomore year where I was walking home from school and some punk in a car called me a fag for no reason as he drove past. Now that really REALLY pissed me off, considering i'm straight and all. I wish I had a nice rock I could've thrown at his car at the time, then I would flee.

Yes, I too suffer from people's stupidity because of my facial expression. I can relate to what almost every one these posts in some way. Same questions, same comments, different people.

One of the most miserable points in my life up to this point was the entirely of last year which I spent working at 7-11. My freaking god did I get sick of people asking me what was wrong, or worse, seeing my default expression and darkening their own faces.

I've made that mistake before My bf was driving behind me (he's the AS in our AS/NT relationship...and yes we were driving separate cars as we're both too attached to our Imprezas!) and frankly, he looked furious in the rear view. I thought I'd said something to piss him off When we got to the meet we were driving to, I asked him about it...needless to say he was confused, because he was feeling fine

^fine example of the fact that you can sort of teach the average NT dumbass that facial expression isn't the be all and end all for everyone

I think it comes to the crunch because for NTs facial expression is directly linked to mood and emotion. With AS, I'm assuming facial expression is independant of all of this to a degree? (Talk about advantage! You can't be read like open books... )

Though I'm not someone with AS(not to my knowledge), I do know all too well the issue with mistaken facial clues. My problem, though, is that I cannot emote -anything-, except on rare occasion. Even then, it's only is someone asks for a smile. I am told I constantly look sad or pissed off, even though inside I'm rather happy. It makes it hard, too, to read others-- I tend to rely less on expressions, and more upon my internal thoughts of how someone is.

But yeah, I'm sick of people getting abrasive because they're insulted...because they think I looked pissed off.

Nah just an open minded one Because hurting people's feelings sucks

Ditto and ditto and ditto God, I can't count how many times I heard that stupid "It only takes 21 muscles to smile and it takes 9841 muscles to frown you know" Gee, thanks for the information you idiot! It was the same way with those school photographers "smile" "I am smiling" "No, you're not, smile!" They weren't satisfied until I looked like I was the victim of some really bad plastic surgery.

When will people understand that there is such a thing as a neutral face expression, and that you don't have to be smiling to be happy? Even NTs don't always smile when they're happy.

And sometimes the happiest times are when you're just mellow and not having to smile for anyone.

And Freawaru, I totally understand how it can be annoying that some intrusive stranger should interrupt your private time with stupid comments. Hate it when that happens.

I'm glad you started this thread Freawaru, because I have experienced the same all my life.

I get "Are you all right?" all the time at work particularly and now just have a set of off the cuff responses that I use. Otherwise I get embarrassed, because I know that 9/10 times if I say I'm fine they'll follow up with an "Are you sure? - You don't look it". And if they pursue it, then I get annoyed.

I know I'm avoiding the situation, but generally I tell people things like "Oh tired, late night last night" (generally true ); "Too much on at the moment; bit stressed" (also generally true ); "Have to see my boss today - you know what he's like".

These all seem to fit with their expectations of why someone might look "miserable" and they then generally leave it.

People often tell me that I have a "deer in the headlights" look. But I also hear "cheer up" or "why so sad?" I've learned an exaggerated fake smile to use in those situations. Some people think it's funny, and that helps to diffuse the tension.

This happens to neurologically typical people, too, and it happens to us all the time. My friend and I were complaining about it just last week on the phone. She said, "*I* don't know what my face is doing! People need to leave me alone and not blame me for whatever my face is doing!" She lives in Brooklyn and has a job where she has to go everywhere on the subway and interact with hundreds of people a day. She gets "Smile!" "It's not so bad!" "You look tiiiiired." "Are you okay?" all the frigging time. I live in a backwater and barely see anyone, so I get less of it, but if I moved to her city, I know I would hear it constantly.

I think the people who say, "Smile, grumpypants!" WISH they could say, "Straighten up and stride right, Mr. Silly Walk" to people with neurologic gait disorders and "Oooo, cover that up, you're bringing me down!" to people with burn scars. The only thing keeping them from blaring out every piece of apalling rudeness that drifts into their brains is a rudimentary understanding that the complaint is more unacceptable than whatever sparked it. What "Smile!" really means is, "Uh-oh, looks like you are not paying attention to ME right now and thinking of MY needs! You need to be distracted from whatever not-worthwhile thing you were thinking about with a little reminder that I exist!" People who do this are a scourge on the land.