Ok, I will cure you. I cured myself, and like all complex mystries, all magic, that seem beyond understanding, it becomes nothing once someone shows you how the trick works.
Arther Clark defined magic as technology you do not understand.
I had it all, mostly I remember coming home from school, my clothes covered in blood, a broken nose, and getting hell for ruining my clothes. I was the least educatable child in my school, the opposite of a teaches pet, and and when the whole grade was tested, stood ten points higher than the next student, who was the teachers pet.
I did not fit in. Family, teachers, Principal, coaches, all were on my case every waking minute, "behave like the others," " fit in," "get with the program." So I did.
It is a pecking order, I could see that, and it is a public display of superiority. Our Alpha dog was a Baby Huey that played football, they had great hope for him. The system was based on football, my Principal had lead his team to division champs.
He was the coaches enforcer, picking on people like me to teach "Respect." He was not bright enough to get a degree and become a coach, but he would make a fine police officer someday. He was half again as large as me, and was totally shocked when I slapped him, my palm covering his ear. His general response time was slow, a good lineman. I stepped around him, and slapped his other ear, when he tried to turn an face me all the weight was on one leg, and a foot to the back of the knee tumbled him.
I just stood, my usual blank expresssion. And saying I was crazy, he got up, away from me, and hurried out the door to go tell coach. Later on the playground we played tackle the man with the ball, showing how twenty-fie can run down one, group superiority. I think a teacher was involved, I had never been involved, just moved about on the edge, but the ball was thrown to me.
I took it and ran, the chase was on, screaming minions on my heels, when I stopped, turned, and charged into the pack, a path eight foot wide opened, I ran through to the other side and beyond, turned again, and they still stood in two groups, looking at the teacher. I rolled the ball down the open alley, and none dared take it.
Where ever I walked, everyone got out of the way. My educational career soon ended, it seemed everyone was scared of me. There is no telling what he might do! It was true.
I got a job running a pool hall, I had a reputation, and now a pool cue, and soon a motorcycle. A lot of people thought something should be done about me, by Social Services, the Police, somebody, but I had a job, was never in trouble, and fit within a structure. In this pool hall, what you can and can't do is up to me. I broke up fights by beating both with a pool cue, driving them out the door. It is the job.
Looking back with fond memories, I see that I had become someone, a pchyopath, sociopath, hostile, aggressive, where even a look could set me off, "What are you looking at, you want some of me? I got what what you need, right here and now!" It is a wonderful life.
Girls could not resist me, in fact, they hunted me. I only wanted them for sex, ignored them, treated them with contempt, and they stood in line for it. At fifteen I was doing eighteen year old's, they had some money and daddy's car. Some bars carded girls, but never the guy who brought them, and paid for the drinks with their money.
Sometimes for fun I would polish my motorcycle, while parked in front of my Principals house. He lives here, I never knew that, I was just adjusting my carb.
I have found two good matches, one is Drill Instructers, DIs. To make a Soldier, first you have to squeeze a lot of baby, child, momma, nightmares, fears, ideas of having a "self", out of them, "What's the matter with you Soldier, do you want your Mommie?" "Do you think she will kiss it and make it all better?" "Do you want me to kiss it?" What are you looking at, eyes front! Before you can build a Soldier, you have to clean out a civilian. Wipe out their past, and then build. After breaking them down, driving out all fears but one, the DI, who, if attacked by all the minions of hell, would soon have them marching in close formation. All he wants is very simple, "Do exactly what you are told." There will be no flags and bands where you are going, just people who will kill you if they can, no nation, no army, no offices to coddle you, the whole world will be your squad, and your country, the Soldier next to you. Do not let him down, die if that what it takes, for he has nothing but you, you him, and together, you have a wet foxhole with the smell of death all around. They are coming.
The other I learned from Sociology, of prison populations. There are three main types. Lames let people walk over them, anyone, any time, and don't want any trouble. Half-assed, get along, but there is a line, you cross it, we fight. Win or lose is not important, when someone takes a cheap shot, does something minor, that is not worth much, get up and start swinging, you may get your ass kicked, but ever after, you wear a sign, "it won't be free, it won't be cheap, but if you want it that bad, bring it on."
The third is a Gee, one wrong look, and there are no threats, he just explodes on whatever bothered him. He does not care weather it is one or a group. I am not here to teach you manners, If you try to see what you can get away with, you will find some things you can't. Instant Karma. "What are you looking at!"
Then there are Wigs, even Gees avoid crossing them, they may seem lame, maybe halfassed, but it builds, and one day, there is a sudden hospital trip for someone, and the Wig could not have done it, he just sits in his cell and rocks.
I found identity in "One flew over the Kuko's nest." Bull Goose Looney! It is always good to find yourself.
The other children still did not want to play with me, except the girls, where no one else could see, but it was for other reasons now. I slapped one, laid into several with a cue stick, and was just getting good at it, feeling I had found my place in life, when they quit playing, and made sure they did not agravate me.
When confronted, I circle to their right, say things like "What is your blood type?" and "Here kitty kitty, here kitty kitty, and I smile." I like to look deep into people's eyes, the windows of the soul, and my Wraith friends pay me well for what I take.
My life of employment started with a job most fear, in a room full of agressive drunk males who are playing pool for money. No problem, "One riot, one Ranger." They never all attack, if you strike first. It was the same with street gangs, it was late, dark, their neighborhood, I was outnumbered, and no one expected it when I kicked the leader. In combat, I advance when I have an advantage, and the street cleared. Do not do this at the office, but when the bully goes down, the rest were afraid of him. There are other ways of the same.
It is an uneven game, if I lose a thousand times, it means nothing, if they lose once, it is all over. Taking a tempory advantage in a long struggle, just gives away your position. Here kitty kitty.
I found places they could not go, and prospered. Closets are fun, most when the light is out, and the blackness is total. When it is silent, it reminds me of the tomb. Lilly, Mind of the Dolphin, developed a sense depravation chamber. floating in silent darkness, no input, sends minds into full blown madness, they see and hear things, terror strikes, panic strikes, (Why was Pan not on the religion quiz?) They take all they can, it is for science, then push the panic button. Lilly quit because he was afraid of someone dying. They fully reported, after they had recovered, what happened to them in the days without senses.
I was a very bad form of Clinical madness, some suffered long term problems, They reported days, but I think the record was 11 minutes. I worked in film processing darkrooms, on the night shift, alone in the building, the city asleep, and never had a better job. I got well paid, for of the few who took the job, none lasted. There is a place for us. I found in total darkness, and this was Professional Grade, after a half hour I can see, and I had regular visitors. Some could see me, others could not. Some are still friends.
Machines are another thing that sends most people screeming the first time they can not remove a bolt, or getting it apart, can not run the memory backward to put it together. I like machines, they are as cold as I am.
I started in IT in the punch card era, "I was a CPU." I did well, but the field could not progress for there were few people who, "Had the mind for it." That is why the field did not progress till chips, now people have less idea what is going on. Some thought they should "Manage me." I was friendly, but told them, it is like a math problem, you stopped me in the middle, now I have to reboot, and start again at the prompt. I will come tell you when I am done, I managed them. Be reasonable, do it my way.
Now you are cured, go forth and be like other NTs, "Shoot low, they are short!" Get primal, and be universally understood, I hardly have ever used violent behavior, but am always ready if they want to bring it on. Being an NT is simple, the reason most people can not understand computers, all of IT is on/off, do we need to review?
I learned from the soft school, a shopping list on your desk, Fava Beans, a nice Chianti, works wonders. If an NT speaks, they are lying to you, and themselves, return the greeting. When they are not speaking, they are plotting your downfall, a little "Got you," smile can give them weeks of nightmares. To fit in, try to drive the people around you into drinking and drugs, always tell them they are not getting what they deserve, try to reach them, to undermine any happiness, because while they slave away every day to provide for their family, their beautiful and desireable wife must get awfully lonely for company.
Befriend people at work, and write it all down in a notebook. Most you cannot take out in single combat, but if you play one this way, another that, tell a few secrets, tell what they said to so and so, you can start a war, and when promotions come, those people have issues. Be nice to everyone, never can tell when you might get a chance to steal something, blame it on someone else, and win bonus points.
As an NT, it is not how you rise, but how those around you crumble. Last man standing wins.
For advanced education, Akira Kurasara did a movie about a Ronin who got between two warring gangs, and Clint Eastwood did it as a western, see both, several times. The only writer worth reading, besides myself, is Machivelli.
Now that you are cured, if I ever see your sorry ass looking at me I am going to make a killing on the organ market. What is your blood type? Here Kitty kitty..here kitty kitty
22 Feb 2007, 1:36 am
excellent way to put it!
