Do you grow and change as a person?

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I have definitely grown and changed as a person ever since I first ventured on here. In the beginning, I was lost, confused, and often upset because I didn't know where I really belong, if anywhere. I was raised in a prescriptivist, feelings-first environment. Certain ways of being that I did not understand were projected on me and because they didn't fit my inner self, I just disengaged altogether from anything where such discrepancy was to be found. Specifically, I am talking about situations where one is expected to make shallow chit-chat or where one is expected to lie in order not to hurt someone's feelings. I was confused because I did not understand why I had the propensity to behave in ways which are radically different from the ways I was expected to behave in, but I was still aware of that discrepancy.

Today, I understand myself very well and have moved beyond that to try to understand other people like me and the rights/wrongs of the way that the society approaches them. I live in a place of acceptance (NOT my original home), which is the pivotal point for maintaining positivity and self-confidence. I have a much more extensive knowledge of how "neurotypicals" think and behave than ever before. While, behaviorally, I do not mold myself to their ways, I can still navigate these situations successfully while assessing them critically from a third-person perspective thanks to this understanding. Being able to disengage from my own inner world more than ever due to diminished anxiety and uncertainty, as well as greater knowledge of my environment, has allowed me to venture forth in being an active participant in the community. I put myself only in places where I know I can flourish while still pushing my limits and acquiring new skills. As I am learning more and more, I am becoming more engaged with the factual information taken in as opposed to focusing on my own body, thoughts, and feelings. At this point, I am most satisfied with this mode of perception because I want to be an active participant in the world. Focusing on myself while being part of the world puts excessive attention on me and thus places me into a position of vulnerability.

Am I allowed to say both? Because that is closest to the truth. I do tend to swap obsessions every now & then, but I always strive to be a better person..

Matthew

@ Mathgirl:

I really hope my daughter can say that someday too. I think she's learning.

Learning to communicate and interact with people, I say yes, but I still feel pretty much the same person in any other way, though I probably understand things better at 25 than say, 12. Still don't like strangers. Get disinterested quite easy. Music is the best.

I don't understand why you are saying that to me in particular. It's a good statement. I've certainly no objection to it. But I don't see how it relates to my comment about role models.

I'd have to say yes. For the first 27 or so years of life, I had no clue what was going on and thought people were just mean. Since then, I have started to put the pieces together and learn better social skills and how better to react to and read certain situations. I have similar interests to when I was much younger, but with age comes maturity and with maturity practicality. For example, I am still a car guy but I have switched my primary focus from the drag strip to fuel economy. I have also gone from being terrible with basic math skills to being great with them, mostly due to having to make change at work. Likewise, my theory of mind has definitely improved with positive social experiences that included constructive criticism from people I trusted and who didn't shut me down. There is no better way to get me to not learn something that to try and tell it to me in a critical, angry or condescending tone of voice.

I also discovered this place a few months ago and finally can put a label on why I am the way I am. It's let me see more pieces of the puzzle and find other areas I had no idea I had to work on. For that, I want to say thank you to everyone here who has helped in the process. I only hope I have been able to return the favor to some extent and helped someone else learn and grow.

Since the past 21 years i've been pretty much an optimistic person for the first 5 years until as I get older i develop a more cold and dark view of this world. I never really learnt much from social skills training and my social skills still pretty much remain the same as of today. I did all my social with other aspies where they all have the same clumsy social skills as me and and jotted down a lot of notes in my notebook. Still stuck with the same 2 friends. My obsessions and interest still stayed the same, oh wait they're losing and i'm starting to get bored really easy on everything. Job interviews are a failure, have trouble with them. Can't get any relationship. i'm sick of masturbating. I'm thinking to chop my dick off coz i don't know what to do with it. I really can't f^%^cking carry my book where i jotted all my notes for my social skill trainings it never works, people look at me funny and i forget most of my social skill training. I need some hardcore drug to get rid of my aspie disorder (it's a disorder whether you like it or not) otherwise i'll carry this on for life.

Because one of my interests has been religion, it's prompted me to think a lot about myself, life, and other people so in some senses I have definitely grown and improved as a person. But in other ways I feel exactly the same as I did 10 years ago, I don't think my core personality has changed. Any changes there have been are most likely to be due to age, I think.

I addressed it to your comment. It was in agreement with your comment. Perhaps I should have made myself more clear. NT's are not particularly good role models because they think a certain way and try to apply their way of thinking and viewing things to those on the spectrum. When they don't get the reponse they want - they think the Aspie is incapable of understanding or feeling what an NT believes is the "norm". Society has determined that the way the majority processes is the "right way" rather than just a way that is different than the way someone on the spectrum processes things. There are not a lot of role models because NT's have tried to instill the idea that their "norm" is the ONLY norm or way.

Sorry if I offended you by responding to your comment.

I just want to add that some people do not grow or change much at all. They'll be the same at 40 as they were at 20. Or the same at 21 that they were at 14.

I would say that my social skills have improved but as a person i am still pretty much the same.

I have grown in the way I communicate and on a psychological level especially when dealing with people. I dont look at myself as a victim to any type of social bs and my confidence is a lot higher.

Well I suppose so...I mean I am not sure that this is a lasting thing but lately instead of trying to fight the way I am, and getting too far down on myself about the things I fail at or things I've done that I would prefer I hadn't. I am kind of trying to redefine things based on what I want and think......not what I think I should do according to everyone else or to avoid bothering anyone. I am trying to adopt the 'its my life so I will do what I want with it.' philosophy. So to me that is a type of growth maybe.

Okay, thanks. I get it now.

I change over time. Everyone changes from second to second really. Anyway, not sure what direction I'm changing ever so not sure if I have "grown" as a person.

I've grown and changed as a person and will continue to do so. I think that this has happened mostly within my main interests (psychology and religion), which would make sense considering that I've studied those interests fervently and learned from that. I also experience this within relationships.