Are Aspies afraid of disapointing or hurting other people?

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This is so totally me.

Very rarely, when I'm depressed. Normally, I couldn't care less about pleasing people.

In my experience, it's more likely that someone else will disappoint/annoy/hurt/etc. me. I tell people that I am the way I am and I can't change that, no matter how much "trying" I do.

For some reason, people never understand that.

Yes, very much so for me.

This is why I can't pick a movie or restaurant.

Yes I can be and then it totally backfires...there are certain rules of engagement that always get the best of me...like the notion that a person will like you more of you keep ignoring them. I end up really doting on someone. .and they can sit back and coast on that for a good while and I will keep going. ..it can get tiring, but I don't know how to stop. ..I am in robot mode stuck in trying to prove to them that I care. They can ignore me for long amounts of time and then even the slightest amount of encouragement will egg me on. It has happened over and over again ...

It is a constant concern for me. From leaving social events early because of feeling like I was taking up space that other people could better use, leaving a relationship for fear of hurting her somehow to everyday things like taking too much time at the self checkout and people becoming frustrated with how long I am taking. Even posting here is far from worry free lol.

The problem is my solution has been to isolate myself from everyone and while that reduces the variables and possibility of hurting people, it just brings new problems to the equation.

I have had psychological help to understand that I am not responsible for everything that everyone thinks, and logically I can see that. But letting go of that control is not so easy.

I'm definitely afraid of disappointing people or doing the wrong thing. I often "people-please" to the extent that my own wants and needs go ignored. In fact, I'd never tell THEM this, but pretty much the only reason I'm going to college is cuz my dad and stepmom (both academics) want me to. If I had my way, I'd own a house out in rural Indiana or Kentucky with a big steel vault-like door where my front door would normally be, so no one can get in without my permission. Or better yet, living in my aunt's condominium down the hall from her.

Oh gosh yes!!

I am so afraid of making other feel uncomfortable that I have to overplease them and may times I have to be certain ways and do things that does not feel right to me, just so I don't disappoint others. My entire life was based on doing things or being something that other would want me to be. I felt I ahd no identity and even fell into an eating disorder.
This is also why I am seen as "neurotypical" by everyone. It is because I have to hide my stimming, hide my true feelings, hide myself based on the fear i would lose people and looked at as a disappointment.

Yep, I sometimes have this problem, right now for example. I'm terrible at keeping in touch with my friends, usually because it doesn't occur to me, so it had been maybe three weeks or so since I'd last talked to one of my closer friends (we're drifting apart though now that high school is over), so I texted her two days ago and got one response before the connection went dead; I tried again later in the day but she never responded, so I have no idea if she was just busy or if I bothered her by not contacting her sooner. I can never tell with these sorts of things and it's really hard.

I used to be. I'd get so anxious that what I was about to say or do might hurt someone that I'd either freak or freeze; and If i did end up saying or doing what I wanted to in the first place, I'd apologize for having given offense, even when none was taken.

Then I noticed that Enties -- especially the successful ones -- didn't seem at all concerned that what they said or did might cause offense. I also noticed that the more a person displayed this attitude, the more successful (and popular) he or she was.

When I tried to emulate this behavior on my old crowd (co-workers, friends, relatives, et cetera), they all turned against me.

But when I emulated this Entie behavior on an entirely new crowd, they seemed to treat me with respect and genuine friendship.

I guess that once people get used to you being a pushover (a.k.a., "Whipping Boy") they get angry and defensive when you suddenly start standing up for yourself.

It seems more effective to start over with a new attitude on a new crowd.