Discomfort around little children

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Ugh. This is a topic of discussion/flamewar in its own right. Let me just say that the societal norm that reproduction is viewed as an achievement bothers me very much.

Back to the original topic of this thread, I definitely feel uneasy being around children. I would say I believe my experiences are almost a carbon copy of the original poster to this thread. I never felt this uneasiness when I was a kid, I don't know why... maybe it was because I had choice over my social circles as a kid, and I opted for the ones that stressed myself out less, whereas the situation described was more of a typical social circle, and the atypical social person was dropped in the middle.

Not the biggest fan of children as they can be rather noisy at times.

I wanted some time to pass, so I could think the situation over. At this point, I'd say that the main reasons I felt uncomfortable around little children at the barbecue were these. And possibly around little children in general as well.

One: those kids were grabbing things (small trinkets, like souvenirs from vacations) from the owners' bookshelves and running around with them. It was truly, the most mortifying thing I witnessed them do. When I was little, I was willing to sacrifice my life without question to ensure the safety of my favorite toys. And willing to fight to the bitter end to protect the non-favorite toys. So when I saw those kids grab the owner's possessions, it struck a nerve to the core. The fact that those kids were running around with the trinkets, giggling and laughing, as opposed to carefully holding them to get a close look, made my anxiety rise even more.

Two: all the adults except me, men and women, were going gaga over those kids, saying over and over how cute they were. They went on and on about how much fun the kids are having. I, of course, couldn't disagree with it more strongly, and I''m sure I was the only person at the barbecue who felt that way. There is nothing cute about grabbing other people's possessions and running around with them. (I haven't seen them calling over the owners to ask; maybe they got permission at the prior visit?) Like I said earlier, the "worst" thing I ever did was explicitly ask for a book to read, because I was bored in an all-adult company. And I sat quietly on a couch when I read it.

Sadly, the hyper-permissive parenting in the contemporary American society is here to stay, and it ain't going anywhere, at least not in my lifetime. That's why I firmly made up my mind to never have a kids of my own. The only reason why I'm not getting a vasectomy is a pathological fear of knives touching my man parts.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 05 Jun 2013, 6:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

i don't really hate children per say I'm just extremely awkward with them. they make wonderful subjects (assuming you can make them sit still)
but for some reason most of them just stare at me. rather fond of the ones that sleep alot, i can draw them without alot of hassle plus they have such interesting proportions, plus cute in a squishy sort of way. mostly though i stand out of reach or leave the room though

I too am uncomfortable around children. If they’re babies or toddlers, no problem (as long as no-one expects me to change their diaper). I can usually get children that small. I found my cousins children amazing when they were that age. They’re cute and curious and interested in everything, and really fun to be with.
But once children start talking, I have more problems dealing with them. I have no idea how to treat them or how to talk to them. Heck, I never even know what to say to other adults. I feel like I’m playing a role whenever I’m around children older than about 3. It feels more natural to be around toddlers.
When I was 14 I had a work practice for 4 days. I could choose between shop and daycare and picked daycare. Some of the children there took to me and I liked them very much, but I never stopped feeling stiff and insecure, like I was playing a role I didn’t really know.

I don’t mind children at all, I’m just at a loss as to how to deal with them. I’m not a natural.

And the older the child, the harder the interaction is for me.

Several posters have already mentioned the noise. Up to recently I found children shrieking to be very annoying, but recently I have become far more tolerant of their noise, which is a very good thing. It makes my life much easier. We have a daycare just outside and there are 9 children in daycare and elementary school age living in our stairwell, so my increased tolerance makes my daily life MUCH easier. The noise started annoying me when I became an adult. It never bothered me before that.

Ugh, that reminds me of my father. He’d also be playful with any child who wasn’t me it seemed, especially those of his siblings. He never talked to me that way or played anywhere near as much with me as he did them. In fact he always tried to get out of playing with me.

I didn’t like that at all myself. I just thought they came off as dumb, too childish, too trying too hard. I felt they treated me like an idiot, or at least far more childish than I ever was. Adults like that just made me uncomfortable.



I agree that it’s not a generation thing, there were children in my daycare in the early 1980’s who were cheeky, would approach strangers and go ape in other people’s houses.
The opposite doesn’t have to be due to shyness. Like Joe90 I never behaved like the children she describes, but I saw children who did, and I found them to be highly misbehaving. Especially when I was in daycare age and early elementary school. Later on, I became more into mischief and did do things I would have thought of as misbehaving some years earlier. But I never picked up the going-into-other-people’s-houses-and-pick-flowers-or-grab-and-touch-things behavior. I’ve always thought that t be wrong and pushy.
I don’t expect children to be angels, just like I wasn’t one myself, but understanding the difference between being at home and being a visitor, like I did.


I agree. Unless they’re very young (up to about 4) there is no excuse for that, and it’s part of the behavior I disliked in other children when I was little. I don’t find it any more endearing now. Children should be taught better than that, although in my case it came more natural than taught really.

I hate it when someone brings a small child on to the bus and sits it in the seat behind me. Because they're feet don't touch the ground when they sit, they tend to swing their legs a lot and they unintentionally kick the back of my seat. Also most toddlers are known to be unpredictable, and so can let out squeals or start playing up when you least expect it. Once a mother brought her 3-year-old on to the bus, and the whole journey the kid was just shouting the whole way, not out of anger or frustration or anxiety, but from what I gathered he was pretending he was on a motorbike and was making the sound effects without coming up for air. The sound effects sounded nothing like an engine, but was just awful screaming, and it was giving me a headache. Plus the tiring din was right behind me, and I had to move in the end.

I don't know what to say to little kids. (I tend to speak to them like they are little adults if forced to interact with them)

Observing other adults, they will say to (for example, a 3 year old)........ (baby voice) : "Oh yeah? Whatcha see? Whatcha see?" (If their parents are sitting on a sidewalk and the kid sees another kid with a little dog pass by)

Or the kid is sitting there, the parent will play peek-a-boo or some other form of play-acting.

I just don't know what to do with little kids. If they aren't saying anything, I don't have the imagination to engage them in something interesting or invent some sort of play game out of the clear blue sky.

Imagination probably helps when dealing with kids.

I dislike small children too, those between 0 and 10.

They make a LOT of noise and have this high-pitched voice. And they scream a LOT. But their parents rarely make them to shut up or shut them up effectively, and sometimes the noise is so bad I almost panic and freak out. So when I know there will be kids on some event I just think ''oh no...'' and ''please let the parents have some authority....''

I never know what to say to them. Coochicoo gaga boo etc is not quite my style ^_^ I know that I'm unable to pretend to think they're cute.

Because they know everyone loves them to bits. They get so much attention, which is also very annoying, as kids can be the main subject of conversation for a very long time and I don't know what to do with it. Or everyone stops talking to admire the little brat

and they just act in a way, and people and those kids expect some kind of response from me and I don't know what I should do or even why. Why should I pretend I'm the Coochicoo gaga boo-kind of person?

I know what to do in my head but I can't physically talk/play with small children. It's as though there's some sort of embarrassment stopping me from performing anything with small children, even though they won't judge me for how I talk to them. But it's not about that, it's just how I feel.

I'm similar. Kids I've known for years, like my baby brother, I can stand and get along with. Kids I'm unfamilier with, I'm all tense with. It's like I'm afraid I'll accidentlly drop and break them like china or something.

An unfortunate thing for a library director in the middle of summer reading program. However, the more I'm around them, the less tense I feel.

I struggle a lot with children too. I didn't used to when I was younger, but I certainly do now. I have a 6 year old step-sister and I really cannot communicate with her without being incredibly nervous and on edge. I love her very much, but I really struggle with knowing what to do and say. She's also big on eye contact and performing things for me luke song and dance, and I don't know how to process that. I know I cone off as cold, and the more I think about it the more I worry and I get more and more nervous. There is also talk of me and her sharing a bedroom if we move into a new house which is some sort of hell for me. I'm very sentimental about things that I have and the way things in my room are organised and she is a fiddler. I couldn't cope with that, or even being in that close proximity with someone. Personal space ftw!

Kids are generally invasive, even if they mean no harm. They like being responded to with big gestures and enthusiasm. It's harder to fake that with a child than it is with an adult. They're also fast and energetic and loud and sticky and a massive assault on the senses. It's understandable why aspies don't get along with other people's children.

Signed. I only really like young children, though -- infants, toddlers. Once they pass the kindergartener mark, I find it increasingly difficult to deal with them, though it's easier if I knew them from a very young age.