What's so terrible about "pauses" in conversations

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Seems to me that NT's, at least when it comes to strangers, acquaintances and casual friends, feel the need to fill EVERY little pause in conversation. Even pauses as short as ONE SECOND, oftentimes! Many people, when they write stories about conversations, often mention "filling in pauses" with chitchat, as though it should be obvious why the pause is so bad.

The effect of this kind of conversation on me is that I never get a chance to speak!! ! If I do speak, people usually don't listen because someone decided to launch into some inane rant about nothing and everyone's listening to THAT fluff instead!! !!

Can anyone explain just WHAT is so horrible about a 1-2 second conversational pause? I understand that people (particularly extroverts) often converse for conversation's sake ("small-talk"), but surely ONE one-second pause shouldn't kill everything?? And I'd certainly like it a heck of a lot better if there was silence for FIVE FULL MINUTES, then one of us thinks of something SUBSTANTIVE AND REAL to talk about! That's the kind of conversation I'd like to have. As we get to know each other, the minutes will actually shrink to seconds 99% of the time!! How come NT's will only accept ANY pauses with people they're really, really, really good friends with?

What's so terrible about pauses In conversations? Nothing at all. Zip. Zero. Zilch.

I particularly enjoy conversing with someone who has no issue with / understands / enjoys pauses in conversations.

It's like a day at the beach whereas talking to someone who has the "fill the gaps" with useless yap-yap feels more like getting a root canal.

Oh very much so! I'd rather have a deep, meaningful conversation with some time given to reflect on what has been said than a none-stop series of inane chatter.

This is very frustrating and totally illogical. I've had people go as far as to fill in gaps with "and, erm..." and "so, yeah..." both of which are totally meaningless statements.

Comp_Geek_573, you will not receive an explanation because there simply isn't one. Many, if not most social conventions have simply developed throughout human history and have just become accepted as a necessary part of interaction. This is the only reason for their existence and they seldom have any basis in logic.

Agreed. Sometimes I need to think about something that's interesting to talk about.

I would LOVE to know the answer to this. Why so many people hate silence or pauses. I know they find it "awkward," but why? There probably isn't a good reason, but I want to know anyway.

It's awkward, that's why.

I love these "pauses in conversations"; they give me a chance to get away from the conversation, or to at least give me a break to think.

I feel your pain OP. It's often painfully clear to me that most people don't really savour or consider what's being said to them and that most of us are probably 'awkward' or weird because we actually stop to think. That's me for sure although I have met people I've assumed were on the spectrum who also can't tolerate a single millisecond not being filled with human noise.

What am I gonna fill that void with? The weather?

I have to pause. If I speak too quickly, I stutter. And sometimes I get lost halfway through a sentence and have to stop and think. If people interrupt I can get quite flustered, although I'm getting better at holding onto what I was saying and carrying on ("anyway, AS I was saying...")

My sister does this quite a lot, which is ironic as she also pauses! (Dyslexic).

It always gives me the impression that the other person isn't actually listening...

As I understand it, it's like "dead air time" on radio. If the listener hears nothing, they might change the channel.

Same with conversation. It has a natural ebb and flow. When it stops, it's a cue to walk away because it's over. So, too long a pause is disruptive to an ongoing conversation.

Nailed it!

A five minute pause (as preferred by the OP) would signify that the conversation is over.

There is also the introvert/extrovert angle. An NT introvert is often fine with short pauses to gather thoughts (none long enough to signify the conversation is over) but an NT extrovert thinks out loud. You will hear NT extroverts "bouncing ideas off each other" (as the phrase goes) which is a way of thinking out loud and allows for no pauses and even frequent overlaps.

Hell, I'd say a 1-minute pause would signify that. But my pauses are usually 5 or 6 seconds, so it's not that bad.

Yes, but why?
And what about comfortable silences?