having babies: what is your decision?
Dunno, I'm just 16, that's too young to decide definitely
Anyway, I think that if I'll ever want a baby I'll adopt. Not only AS, ADD, learning disabilities or anxiety disorders run in my family, but disorders like LFA, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder or personality disorders do as well. So yeah it's really better to just adopt in my case.
I was lucky that I just got AS and ADD from my father and anxiety disorders from my mother's family. It could have been a lot worse. I could have got schizophrenia and by now I could have been locked up in a psych ward.
I actually gave birth to one when I was your age but I didn't want it and never held it and didn't bring it home from the hospital. An adoption agency came to see me in the hospital to give it to them and pick out a family from a book of couples waiting to adopt.
b-but, your profile says male
._.
I changed it recently but I am female. I'd rather that they let you leave that part blank or pick "prefer not to say".
_________________
Reports from a Resident Alien:
http://chaoticidealism.livejournal.com
Autism Memorial:
http://autism-memorial.livejournal.com
I actually would rather have a kid who has ASD, the idea of having an NT kid is frightening since I could rarely form quality relationships with NTs.
I don't think I could raise a kid properly, though, because I hate being a homebody. I'm always out and about socializing, working, and whatnot. I also don't want to contribute to the world's growing population. I'd rather devote my life helping people take care of their kids.
_________________
Leading a double life and loving it (but exhausted).
Likely ADHD instead of what I've been diagnosed with before.
Interesting. I like kids but didn't want any when I was younger, then the past few years, I wanted kids. I had a bit of a pregnancy scare recently and I was a little disappointed. Relieved but disappointed.
I know I do stress out but I like kids. My mum had help when she gave birth to me. So she had different people act as nannies. I have no qualms about that. I will have help.
To be honest, this thing about women raising kids alone with help or no help from the father hasn't been normal for quite a lot of human history. I remember that case of the lady who drowned her 6 kids. And my first thought was why was that woman all alone?
If I remember I think it was Ethiopia, the grandmothers would grab the baby from you. I remember someone complaining they didn't have enough time with the kid.
I grew up in the Med and grandparents help out with the kid. If you walk out with a kid, everyone will come and coo at the kid. I even once overheard a big burly truck driver give advice to a woman whose baby was crying on the subway. That's a good environment for raising children.
No. I just can't risk bringing a child on the spectrum into this world. I got teased and rejected through school (well, High School mostly), not to mention how lonely I was during my High School years, and I don't want the same to happen to my child. It will make me unhappy for my child - especially if my child desires social interaction and friendships. I got rejected and disliked so much at school that it still hurts now.
Before I was born, my mum and dad had never heard of Asperger's, and neither of them are on the spectrum, so they obviously didn't stop and think ''ohh, better not have another child, it might have Asperger's''. But me, I should know better because I have suffered with it ever since I started school and it's been the bane of my life since. So I do not want to put a child through that.
_________________
Female
I have A.S .
High functioing on the surface but many things are a struggle to me.
I really really really really really really really really really do not want kids....at the moment I am with a girlfriend who does and
thinks I am just letting my disabilty get in the way of something that will make me happy.
It really isnt, I know I dont want kids. Sadly she is convinced I will warm to the idea. I wont. But she wont entertain the idea of being with out me. In honesty its so hard to keep up this pretence in a relationship like this. As I think too far ahead and I see this having a shelf life because I am still going to say No in 5-10 years. I feel sad for her as she only wants to be with me..but I dont want kids...I am not going to change my mind.
Wish I knew what to do
dottsie
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: 7 Mar 2013
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 181
Location: In a UFO to spaaaace probably
I do not want babies, and I never have. I really can't stand them, but I'm not gonna go into detail with that. Also, even if I liked them, I wouldn't be able to handle the responsibility, I dont think. My decision to not have children is both for my well being, and for my would-be offspring's well being.
I'm too low-functioning to handle children, and have never wanted them.
Still, I like to think that if I had to take care of a child, I would make it my #1 priority and obsession, and would at the very least be a 100% involved parent, and do my research in terms of trying not to scar them for life from bad parenting.
But it's definitely not my strong point, so I'm grateful to be off the hook!
High functioing on the surface but many things are a struggle to me.
I really really really really really really really really really do not want kids....at the moment I am with a girlfriend who does and
thinks I am just letting my disabilty get in the way of something that will make me happy.
It really isnt, I know I dont want kids. Sadly she is convinced I will warm to the idea. I wont. But she wont entertain the idea of being with out me. In honesty its so hard to keep up this pretence in a relationship like this. As I think too far ahead and I see this having a shelf life because I am still going to say No in 5-10 years. I feel sad for her as she only wants to be with me..but I dont want kids...I am not going to change my mind.
Wish I knew what to do
Can you live with kids in the house? Maybe she could have the kids and be the mom and you could be like the loving aunt or something like that.
thinks I am just letting my disabilty get in the way of something that will make me happy.
It really isnt, I know I dont want kids. Sadly she is convinced I will warm to the idea. I wont.
The sentence I bolded is, I think, the heart of the problem. It doesn't really matter what the issue is (although this is a biggie,) but that you are expected to change to suit her. One of you will have to compromise and the other will be bitter. Might be best to move on. But, hey, what do I know?
_________________
People are strange, when you're a stranger
Faces look ugly when you're alone.
Morrison/Krieger
Orphanages aren't good for kids anyway. Foster care is better. Maybe you could become a foster parent?
I desperately want to have a child, but I'm worried that my executive dysfunction will be an issue. I can't live independently now, so how could I possibly care for a child? I think I want to be living independently (maybe with assistance) and taking care of a pet on my own before I'll take on a child.
I'm also asexual and terrified of sex, so I'm not going to have the child the usual way. I'll either get sperm donation, or else adopt. I'm thinking adopting, because I want to help a child in need. (Not because I think there's anything wrong with having a kid like me. If I had a child on the autism spectrum, I'd be delighted.)
I hear foster care is bad because lot of foster parents treat their home like it's a business and kids get shuffled all around in foster care. If one kid isn't perfect, they get kicked out and sent to another home because the people treat it like a business and you're not their real child so they aren't obligated to put up with your crap and lot of foster kids do have issues because they come from broken families like drug abuse or neglect or abuse. I don't think I would be able to handle a child that is messed up from someone else so that is why I am not a foster parent. I don't have extra room anyway in my home because it's required you have an extra room for them. I think lot of them are foster parents for the money so lot of them don't even bother to be patient with them and work with them because once the kid is disrespectful and defying their rules or stealing, they're out. I wouldn't want a stealer in my home either TBH or someone who is verbally abusive. That is why I am not a foster parent. Also I think the reason why kids would defy authority in the homes is because they don't see the point if they are going to be in another home within a month so rules quit mattering to them. These are stories I have read and heard about being in foster care. There are some foster parents that do truly keep their foster kids and work with them and not give up and treat them like their real kids but they are probably in the minority.
_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.
StarTrekker
Veteran
Joined: 22 Apr 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,088
Location: Starship Voyager, somewhere in the Delta quadrant
I'm comparatively mild but I do not want kids because I wouldn't be able to handle them. I need a lot of time to myself, and running after a kid all day would be physically and emotionally exhausting. My meltdown rate would probably go through the roof, which would be bad for the kids, not to mention the sensory issues that young children bring with them would be more than I could stand. Crying babies are near the top of my list of despised sounds. I don't even want to own a dog when I get older; they need too much attention and care, I prefer cats, who take two minutes to clean up after and feed, are quiet, and leave you alone unless they're just going to sit quietly on your lap, you're not obligated to play with and walk them the way you are with dogs. It might be selfish of me, but I also wouldn't want to give up the prime years of my life, my career, my needs and wants, in order to put the needs of my children first. I would not be one of those parents whose pride comes from raising her kids well. I am also of the opinion that the world is dangerously overpopulated as it is, so I would not want to add to the problem with my own offspring.
_________________
"Survival is insufficient" - Seven of Nine
Diagnosed with ASD level 1 on the 10th of April, 2014
Rediagnosed with ASD level 2 on the 4th of May, 2019
Thanks to Olympiadis for my fantastic avatar!
When I was quite young (5ish) I realized there was something wrong with me and something very wWhen I was quite young (5ish) I realized there was something wrong with me and something very wrong with my family (quite dysfunctional and insanely religious). I swore I would never have kids unless I could break the family curse and be sure I could properly raise a happy child. If I couldn't do it right I refused to do it. I've spent my entire life trying to crawl out of the hole and made some good progress; but, not enough to become a parentrong with my family (quite dysfunctional and insanely religious). I swore I would never have kids unless I could break the family curse and be sure I could properly raise a happy child. If I couldn't do it right I refused to do it. I've spent my entire life trying to crawl out of the hole and made some good progress; but, not enough to become a parent