22 Habits of Unhappy People

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Just my grumpy old man opinion, but I think it is really important to take responsibility of our lives. Gurdjieff used to use the puzzle that life is like a passenger in a carriage... who is in charge, the passenger, the driver, or the horses?

22 Habits of Unhappy People

By IBOriginals Apr 15, 2013 Edited Nov 13, 2013

In my opinion happiness isn't something that you are born with. Happiness is something that happens through a series of experiences, habits and realizations over the course of your life. This isn't a guide to try and fix people who are clinically depressed, but a series of things I have learned over my life that have shaped the way I look at life and the world. It is my experience that the more positive habits you have in your life, the more emotional happiness you will experience. Instead of telling you things you should do to increase your emotional satisfaction, I’ve created a list of bad habits you should try to correct. Not only will they make you happier, they will also make you a better person.

Chronic Complaining
Sad man

The one thing that happy, successful people don't do a lot of is complaining. While it is psychologically beneficial to vent when you are under stress, there is a difference between small venting sessions and being a chronic complainer. The chronic complainer tends to always have something wrong in their life, their issues are more important than everybody elses, and when you have something to vent about yourself, they aren't very interested in listening. Everybody gets dealt a hand in life. Some get dealt better hands than others, but at the end of the day this is the hand of cards that is yours. Chronic complainers tend to complain about their job, their significant other, how little money they make or how something wasn't fair. I have news for you, anybody anywhere has hundreds of things they could complain about at any given time. If you are a chronic complainer, quit whining and talk about the things that are positive in your life and focus on what is good. If you have a problem, sit down and work out a solution. Constant complaining does nothing but push your friends away and keep you in that dark unhappy place. You have good in your life, find it, and share it.

Retail Therapy
Shopping CartLife is about experiences, however so many people get caught up in materialistic items that they forget what truly makes us happy. Sure the latest gadget may make you feel good for the evening, but that high is temporary, and you will be back chasing that retail high shortly after. Get out and experience the world. If you can't afford to get away, become a tourist in your own city. Skydive, bungee jump, go to the beach alone, take a hike on an unknown trail, go up to a complete stranger and invite them for coffee, hell… read a book; there are so many things you could be doing that will enrich your life that doesn't involve buying things.

Binge Drinking
Alcohol can be hard to avoid. It is present in almost every social situation. As most people know alcohol is a depressant. While alcohol can help loosen you up in these social situations, drinking excessively on a regular basis can cause all sorts of havoc on your life. Since alcohol is a depressant, the following day after drinking yourself silly usually results in a pretty unproductive day. Not only does this lead to the feeling like you have wasted a day, it also leads to poor eating decisions and lack of exercise.

Worrying About the Future
No matter what you do, you only have so much impact on what the future has in store for you. Could you get laid off? Maybe. Could you catch a life threatening disease? Yup. The thing is, you have very little control over whether or not these things happen, so why spend your time worrying about it. As long as you have a reasonable game plan and are living responsibly you should be focused on what is going on in your life now. Focus on what you are doing this second, if you hate it, do something else. Right now I'm looking outside, it is sunny and my cat is rubbing up against my leg. I couldn't be happier.

The rest is here> http://www.infobarrel.com/22_Habits_of_Unhappy_People


Gurdjieff

The notion of happiness as an end goal is deeply questionable.

Where's the one for people who talk to people offline, but are so different that they can't connect or maintain friendships?

Largely, these are good points on self-sabotage, though.

Just to add to my first response: I do not disagree with that list, at least the part tall-p posted here. Still need to read the rest.

I always hate this list, sounds condescending...but it does say its not about trying to fix people with clinical depression so I guess I can't take it as 'advice for depressed people' even so the tone does sound condescending. Probably not a good list for people with mental illness in general since a lot of that is stuff the symptoms can cause and isn't something one can just stop and aren't really 'habits'...But to each their own if people find it helpful cool.

I agree with some of the points, and disagree strongly with some others. I guess that's the problem with these generalized type of lists: they don't apply to everyone. That's why, at best, this should function as a bit of a guideline, and not as the 22 Commandments set in stone.

Running it down:

1. Chronic Complaining
For myself, I guess this applies. While during my less happy days, I wouldn't openly complain more, I would certainly mutter to myself. I personally do feel that complaining a lot only ever served to poison the general atmosphere around me, and I avoid it as much as possible as I think that it has a bad effect on the people around me.
BUT
To other people, complaining a lot may well be a form of venting, and may be very cathartic. I know that, at work, there would be some co-workers whose mode of conversation consisted for a great part of complaining, and it was an accepted phenomenon in our social dynamic.

2. Retail therapy
I can attest that feeling unhappy can lead to binge buying. Even when I'm flat out broke, whatever scraps of money flow into my purse, I might get an urge to go and spend it on new stuff. This actually makes me feel bad when I do it, as the money should probably be better spent. I much agree with the suggestion to 'be a tourist in your own city'.

3. Binge drinking
I have no experience with this, as I've never touched a drop of alcohol. This is because my father is an alcoholic, and I fear that I might have an inclination toward alcoholism myself.

4. Worrying about the future
There's good and bad in their suggestions for this one. On one hand, the notion of 'living in the moment and taking the problems as they come' is recommendable for people who can live that way. Problem is, NOT EVERYONE CAN. Up until I was 23 or so, I was always a long-term planner, and I couldn't even imagine what living in the moment was. Nowadays, I can, but it just doesn't work for everyone. 'Worrying' about the future, in moderate amounts, can actually be good, because it keeps you on your toes. Even a 'reasonable game plan' can go up in smoke in the blink of an eye if circumstances are particularly bad.

5. Waiting for the future
There's a lot of sense being made with this one. I've lived my life 'looking forward to the future' thinking better days would come. It wasn't exactly healthy for me from a psychological POV.
BUT
Waiting for the future isn't necessarily a bad thing in and of itself. It might be that you actually are going through a nastier period in your life, and you're working on improving it, part of getting past that nastiness might involve 'riding it out' and being patient, and 'waiting' for the future may play an important role in that. If only to give yourself some peace of mind.

6. Hobbies
I guess this is a point where autistics will differ from the norm. Hobbies aren't necessarily special interests, and special interests aren't necessarily hobbies. I've gone through periods where I'm chasing a special interest and it definitely didn't feel like a 'hobby'. It was still a very positive influence in my life every time, but I wouldn't term it with such a mundane word like 'hobby'.
I don't feel that every single person in the world, autistic or not, actually needs a hobby to feel content. Some just don't have one. Furthermore, I think it's rather patronizing to state that 'your job, house cleaning, and watching TV' aren't hobbies. Some people get the greatest satisfaction out of their lives while they're on the job, I've known people who genuinely feel greatest while they're doing their house chores, and I also know people who watch hours upon hours of TV, and get a lot out of it. Suggesting that they go find a more 'acceptable' hobby, would be an incredible insult to their intelligence.

7. Eating poorly
Would agree that feeling unhappy and eating poorly often go hand in hand. I've experienced in my darker days that I actually thought: what's the point in getting my vegetables, racking up my vitamins, and avoiding unsaturated fats? Fries, pizza, and take-away Chinese food is soooo guuuud! I'm gonna die anyway!' Whereas, when I'm feeling positive, I still eat the fries, pizza, and take-away Chinese, but I also take care that I get my dose of bread, veggies, fish, fruits, rice, etc. to keep my systems running optimally.

8. Talking poorly of others
I haven't ever done this online, I have been known to do it offline whenever I was feeling particularly unhappy. The suggestions here are pretty good, imo, as this is also a source of concentrated negativity, and can be destructive to all parties concerned.
HOWEVER
Much the same goes for the 'Complaining all the time' item above. Some people use this as a cathartic thing. It's not my style to smacktalk other people, but I've met people who do this habitually, and are actually accepted by whichever social group they are in at the time. The notion that you should turn around and 'compliment other people' is also something that only works if you are a particularly social person. For some more introverted folks, it doesn't work at all.

More coming up in a second post, otherwise this'll be too long.

Continued (Part 2):

8. Holding grudges
I suscribe to this in general. Yeah, I've held grudges, especially in my teenage years, and it wasn't at all conducive to happiness.
At the same time, in reality one might not get along with everyone; while I wouldn't promote harbouring outright animosity to anyone, I will say that there's little wrong in viewing another person as a rival of sorts with little love lost between the two of you. In some settings, this might even help the both of you get the best out of yourselves.

9. Stop learning
Now I'm of the school of thought that places a fairly strong emphasis on learning in my personal life. For me, learning is fun. I can totally get behind this, and learning and discovering new things certainly contributes to my happiness.
But learning comes in many shapes and forms. It doesn't necessarily come from researching literature on your favourite subjects, or visiting seminars or expositions, or following a course. It may come from your very life experience itself, just doing your daily things. For some people, learning isn't book smarts, and traditinal forms of self-education don't have that much to offer to them.

10. Not following through
I mostly agree with this one. I've seen it happen in my own life. I agree with it.
One issue with this would be that there are people who are more 'dreamers' than 'actors', and who think up lots of scenarios they themselves could play out in their lives, only to follow through on a fraction of those scenarios, and leaving everything else up in the air. There's nothing wrong with that; at best the plans that they do not actually crystallize, can be like back-up plans. Maybe.

11. Hating your job
I can get behind this muchly, again. Personally I can't stand going to my job if I hate it there. I've also known places where all my co-workers pretty much hate the job.
But, as before, with the 'complaining' and 'gossiping' items, sometimes one needs to recognize where co-workers complaining about the job is actually 'hating the job' or rather a form of coping with the nastier bits of the job, and a general way of making conversation. It certainly isn't my style, but it happens a LOT.

12. Loneliness
Oh, this is going to be a hot issue for many members here, both as autistics as well as members of a message board. I will refer to coffeebean's post above: it doesn't take into account the people who actually attempt to make social contact offline, but don't find much resonance for a variety of reasons. It happens. It's happened to me. I'm perfectly happy that I have scores and scores of great people to talk to on Wrong Planet and my other regular forums. Decent, intelligent people from all over the world. And there's nothing 'fake' about it.
At the same time, I will admit that if you get caught up in meaningless social chit-chat online just for the sake of chit-chat, it might merit a try to go out and meet people.

13. Letting negative thoughts into your mind
Have very little to add to this. I agree with it, and have experienced much the same. I am all for converting negative thoughts into positive ones.

14. Jumping to conclusions
I've known to do both categories of this jumping to conclusions even very recently; both the anticipation of bad things and the misreading of other people's intentions. Then again, that's probably what I'm autistic for. While I wouldn't call it one of my better personality traits, I do think that, in moderation, this may actually be healthy. It isn't even so much about 'jumping' to conclusions, as much as it is about keeping a bit of apprehension. If you have poor skills in predicting what might happen or what others might say or do, you need to have your own set of theories ready, and some of them will be positive and some of them will be negative. Among either the positive or the negative, you might actually be right. I agree that you shouldn't sabotage yourself with negative thought, but expecting some things to go wrong may just lessen any eventual disappointment.

More in Part 3 below.

15. Magnification
Can't speak on this one personally, but I have seen this happen around me. I agree with it. Blowing little problems out of proportion is only going to add to any bigger problems you already have, and will make you feel very unhappy.
But, it might have the positive side-effect of being better able to identify said little problem, and that in turn might help you find the solution. So it could be a double-edged sword. Some people hype things up because it gives them a means of more effectively dealing with those problems. But yeah, if you only hype and don't solve, unhappiness will be around the corner.

16. Minimization
I haven't really encountered this one. There may be great truth to this, though. But as above with magnification, minimizing one's problems might be a coping mechanism. Again, it says nothing about the actual problem-solving. Some people choose to ignore the greatest of problems they have, and again, I have seen this in my direct social environment. Some people are walking around with huge problems, but they'll say 'Ahh, it'll pass over. Don't you worry'. And they'll be right. For some people, having issues that other people might interpret as 'big problem', may be a minor inconvenience. It differs from person to person, and also has much to do with one's own tolerance for problems to begin with.

17. Self Labelling
I guess I can agree with this point. I've never liked labels of any sort, feeling that they limit a person. Nothing to add.

18. Not having a goal
And here is where I disagree most strongly. Once upon a time, I was living my life with goals in mind. I was constantly striving for them, then when I was making headway into achieving them, I'd still feel empty- I'd feel stretched out toward that goal, with a hyperfocus on it. Now you could say that that's an extreme, and that I really should have toned it down, but truth be told, I've never been more happier with myself until I did away with all 'goals' and decided to live a bit more 'aimlessly'. I can totally understand that some people feel most fulfillment when they are striving towards their goals. But I can't live like that, and I've met several people who likewise can't do that, and wouldn't feel happy if they set out a trajectory toward a certain goal.

19. Worrying what others think
Perhaps one of the more interesting points for WP members. This is tied directly to society's structures. I agree with what is being said here. Whether you want to or don't want to participate a lot in society, it's probably good to first feel comfortable in your own skin before you do anything. You're the first and last judge of yourself, and another person's opinion is always secondary at best.

20. Let strangers affect your mood
Another one I can very much agree with. Still, I'm one to talk, considering I'm more likely to fly into a fit when a stranger provokes me. So yeah. In theory, but in practice...
But letting strangers affect your mood is perhaps a little bit silly, especially when you're feeling depressed to begin with.

21. Wanting more money
Ohhh, I don't know about this one. I guess this differs from person to person. I'm content with relatively little money, which I already consider to be a lot- as long as I can pay the rent, gas, electricity, water, food, clothes... I'm all set. But people wanting more money is perfectly legitimate.

Conclusion
This list is not for everyone, and some of the things listed here would make certain people UN-happy because it's written from a fairly generalized perspective that doesn't take into consideration psychological/emotional differences from person to person. Figure out your own happiness instead, even if it involves shooting up heroin or burying yourself in debts. Some people are happy living on the edge. Some people are happy living in a bubble. That's the cool thing about the world: we all have our own personal idea of paradise.

For me, lists like this have their caulsality backwards. If I'm in a good mood/state then such stuff happens naturally without any real effort. And, like that study that found that repeating positive affirmations makes non-depressed people feel better and depressed people feel worse, trying to force such thoughts has never worked for me.

Happiness is not something you strive for. It's something that happens naturally when you are feeling contented doing whatever you are doing in the moment you are doing it in.

It isn't a constant feeling and it is not something you have to put effort into achieving.

The only one I have is loneliness on that list.

My personal experience in my own life is that certain wrong ways of thinking and acting create unhappiness in both myself and others. When I first heard certain ideas about how to be happy, I didn't think it was a bunch of new age BS as the source where I heard such ideas was very traditional, but I didn't pay much heed to it, either....

I've read the full list and there are a lot of good points in it. I agree with everything. I enjoy articles like this one.

Generally, the article makes sense.

Good list of what not to be like. Every day is another chance to turn it around or wallow in crap.