Doubt and Diagnosis - What if?

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I was talking to my girlfriend about my aspergers referral and she started telling me about how I have "tunnel vision" and I shouldn't think that I definitely have AS because if I'm told by the specialist that I don't have it, it would upset me. Just her saying that made me burst into tears. Firstly, because I don't like it when people don't sound convinced enough because they don't know what it's like for me, and secondly because she could be right - I COULD be told that I don't have aspergers and then all these years of researching and chasing doctors for a proper referral would have been a waste of time and I'll be back at square one, completely lost, with no real closure as to why I feel like I have so many difficulties in my life and why I identify so much with AS (or something similar).

Also, my girlfriend also says she sees a side of me that doesn't make her suspect I have AS at all. I told her that's because she's the closest person I've ever had in my life. Also, I think as an adult you kind of learn to try and cope with various things and maybe even learn things by observing others, which is why diagnosing an adult is far harder.

Has anyone else started to doubt themselves while waiting for assessment? WHAT IF the results come back saying I'm fine? What do I do? How can I show people that, though I am quite good at coping with many things and my suspected AS could be very mild/high functioning, I still have and always have had challenging moments at every part of my life?

This is really worrying me.

People either believe that you don't function well enough in life, or they do.

If they don't, that's their choice, and you should consider your friendship with them.

A diagnosis doesn't need to validate the symptoms.

I wondered if my suspicions would be wrong, and then what else that might mean.

But here's the thing: you are who you are no matter what label you carry. You will still have your strengths and weaknesses and you will still have to live with yourself and the way you deal with things, people and situations.

If you do get the diagnosis, it may provide some valuable insight. You will still have to deal with it.

If you don't get the diagnosis, it is very likely you will get another diagnosis and that may provide valuable insight into your nature. Don't fear it.

Is there some reason you want the diagnosis to be ASD and nothing something else? What's in it for you? What if it is Bipolar or Social Anxiety or schizoid personality disorder? You will still be you. The information could be helpful.

I think it's tough, there's so much pressure to conform by trying to act right, and one wants to be able to. But then it becomes frightening, like you've lost yourself through faking living so much you're not a person anymore, at least I have felt that. And to be told I didn't have ASD after realizing others might be different and trying to hide from that would feel overwhelming. This is why I hate labels, much as they may be necessary. I think all you can do is be straightforward in asking for help understanding yourself and trust in the competence and professionalism of the evaluator. They do try a bit more when they see you have a positive view on them, I think.

Unfortunately, even with a diagnosis, you will still struggle your entire life trying to get people to understand that there's something wrong with you.
As someone who's been sick because of my celiac disease, and who's had serious depression (possibly because of the celiac disease) for around a decade, I've had so many vague symptoms, many of them mental in nature, that I always felt like I was a fraud or that I just wasn't trying hard enough. But only because I let other people tell me what I should be like and chose to ignore my own problems as something more than 'just try harder'.
Getting my celiac diagnosis was such a relief, ALL my symptoms, explained, finally! But at the same time, at feeling that huge satisfaction to explain things like my poor mental health, I felt slightly ashamed. I mean, I'd gone around for many years trying to be like 'don't worry, it's not your fault' talking about mental illnesses online, but deep down I couldn't really make myself believe what I was preaching about.
But you CAN. You know yourself better than anyone else does, and you live with yourself all the time, there's no escaping it. Even if your diagnosis comes up short of an actual ASD disorder, that doesn't suddenly mean those traits of your disappear. Nor does it mean those traits in you are somehow things you can change. People have things about themselves that just are, that they can't change, even though they try and try so hard to.

Speaking more to your personal point, I have a bf who most likely has an ASD, and he definitely shows some traits of aspergers, but I honestly don't see it when he's being himself with me. I know it from what he says, and I see it when he's in public somewhat, I know it from what he does as activities, and I don't distrust him, but I feel like I just see him and he's a regular person (well no, he's the most amazing person in the whole world and I'm so lucky I've found him!). then again, I think my dad has an ASD so I grew up around it, and I suspect, knowing what I do now, at least a few friends who had it.
So what you say about your gf not thinking you have it and you saying that's because she actually knows you, I understand that too. But I think maybe just remind her that you're human too, that being an autistic doesn't mean you suddenly are this hidden jumbled mess of meltdowns and miscommunication and that's your personality. That she knows you and sees you as a person underneath the complications you have to deal with everyday speaks volumes about your relationship, but that you're a unique individual doesn't really spell out 'Non autistic'

I am also terrified of being told there is nothing wrong with me, for the same reasons as you, being told that I did not have anything wrong with me would belittle the problems I have and make me feel like a fraud and a failure because I cant cope with things that I should be able to do and I would not have a reason for it, I should not put so much on being diagnosed but I can't help it, I doubt myself constantly

it is difficult to actually get referred though, I am already known to my doctors as a moderate/severe anxiety sufferer and I do worry that whatever I try to tell them will be put down to my phobia/anxiety

I think that it is important to try and remember, even though its difficult, that it is just a label, just because people might label you at not having Asperger's does not mean that you don't have a legitimate problem.

hah I should take my own advice. labels are really unhelpful sometimes, as females its also more difficult to be seen as having Asperger's. I have read a lot about professionals still not thinking women have autism or only knowing about how males on the spectrum act.

I was not convinced I would get a Aspergers diagnosis until I got a Aspergers diagnosis. I treated it like I treated every emotion prior to my diagnosis. Be a pessimistic as possible so the blow would not be as bad. Suppress and Suppress myself into emotional numbness. While I researched Aspergers prior to my diagnosis I held myself back in case I was not an Aspie. Have you considered that your girlfriend might be convinced you are Autistic but is trying to get you into my old mindset? While my old mindset must seem awfully attractive to you right now I am only at the early stages of trying to release all the emotions that are so deep inside me and poisoning me.

I do not believe you will be told you are fine. I think you will be either be diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, diagnosed with something else or at least pointed in a direction. Please ask for an explanation.

While I hope you get an definitive explanation if it does not happen we will still be here and behind you. There are many women here with experience of not getting the Autism or Aspergers diagnoses they expected and prepared for.

Hi

This probably doesn't help a huge amount, but I'm in a similar boat to you. My other half has accepted the temporary Aspergers diagnosis without a quibble, although she's understandably concerned that this means some of my more annoying traits might not be resolvable (e.g. executive dysfunction). For me a diagnosis would bring together a whole slew of weird behaviours and traits under one heading and give me a new foundation from which to work on them and move forward.

From the perspective of other people being able to "get" me, it would be like when I became a vegetarian. Rather than being the weird person who didn't eat certain meats because of the colour/texture, there was suddenly a label that was socially acceptable, although actually Aspergers would also explain why I don't eat meat!

If I don't get the diagnosis, I'm potentially back to being lazy, awkward, weird, pedantic, rude, inconsiderate.

I have to say if I were told I absolutely did not have Aspergers, I would tell the psychologist they have no business being licensed. If multiple experts all said no, I would probably ask that one of us should be committed for delusional thinking. Like Tony Atwood said if you think deep down you have it you probably do. Its so laughably obvious in my case its a waste of time and money getting a diagnosis.

I might be doing well right now but put me in a telemarketing job or a large jail cell and it will become VERY obvious what my difficulties are. Even if I magically didn't have Aspergers I still have severe sensory issues, social anxiety and extreme introversion and cannot function without my obsessive interests. Believe me I tried and failed miserably!

Thank you everyone for being so supportive/understanding. I don't feel like I'm getting enough of that kind of thing over this.

I tried to confide in others about this situation I had with my girlfriend, and they surprisingly agreed with her side of things and I was, yet again, accused of "tunnel vision". Well, hey, maybe I do have tunnel vision (which is another sign of AS, ironically!) but it's not like I can completely change my way of thinking after years of people telling me AS is a possibility.

I am in a similar situation to you Frankie_J. I am hoping to hear this week about scheduling an assessment. My therapist who I have been seeing for a few years was the first person to say I had Aspergers traits. I was surprised because I didn't know enough about AS but after reading about it became convinced she didn't know the half of it! After building up my courage for about 2 years I told her last week that I think I really have AS and want a diagnosis. She was supportive. But after thinking about it for a week, at our next appointment she told me she thought maybe I just wanted to be a member of a group. I was dumbfounded and later angry at her. I am 40 and have tried all my life to do the things that are so hard for me because I thought it was my fault that I couldn't be social, didn't like touch, or loud noises, crowds, wore the same clothes all the time, etc, etc. I am the last person to want to be a member of a stinking group. I want to stop pretending to be what I am not, and I want people to recognize that I am what I am and the way I am because that's how I was born, not because I'm lazy or antisocial. I will be upset if the testing comes back as non-AS because I know I have it. If it does, I may go to someone else, or I may just do without an official diagnosis and try to be my authentic self after 40 years anyway.