Hi, Im a new member. Is this normal for me?

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I came from a very logical family, and had a very hard time in social settings, I learned to be a great "actor" just so I could fit in. I've been acting all my life, and don't know what my base personality is anymore. I can switch however I feel or think in a heartbeat, I can take away all emotion is I need to, and be cruel or mean without a second thought if it was benificial and did more harm then good. I have an incredible preception on understanding conversation because I spent so much time trying to learn it, so I can easily see peoples motives emotions and understanding in a conversation.

I feel like an Aspie who has developed traits of a sociopath as a coping mechanism. Does anyone else do this? Because even though I can act so nice and so sincere( I had to learn that it was NOT natural) many times im just a robot on the inside, who cares only about getting what he wants. (but im also a Christian, and want to live to a moral code because I believe that's right)

People usually call me the nicest most caring guy that they know, and I am by nature because its socially right. I guess I'm just having a very hard time finding out what my morals actually are, and who I actually am. If anyone is going through something similar it would be nice to know.

I can't say I can relate much right now but I can assure you that you are not a sociopath!

Sociopaths don't have morals like you do... they just do whatever they want (like being violent) to people because they only care about their own psyche/body. Also, sociopaths don't react with the same emotions as non-sociopaths when showed the crimes they commited... They are angry a lot.

Thank you for the reply. I had a question about that last part though.

If I did commit A crime I could very very easily not feel anything from it, just because of me being used to switching characters, a character mindset I can play well is being a sociopath. I guess while typing this im also understanding it, I feel that I can "act" and "think" like a sociopath (along with many characters ive had to learn) so well, but I guess that's just another part of acting, I can do it so well I almost believe its true sometimes. I guess that's why I've felt lost

You say that *now*, but let's say you went out and put it to the test and killed some random person. You'd probably be surprised at the level of emotions you'd have. Perhaps I'm wrong and you truly don't feel anything, you feel detached and are UNABLE to feel emotion. If that *is* the case, you'd be defined as a sociopath. There are ten different sub-types of sociopaths and only one type is prone to commit crimes. The rest just like to get what they want and play with people's emotions for their own pleasure, etc.

Just to be clear though, a lack of the ability to feel emotions, which is a basic definition of a sociopath, has nothing in common with being an Aspie. I can assure you, they feel plenty of emotions, and a disconnect with the world around them. They don't want to play with people's minds for pleasure, they want to be normal and interact with people and be accepted by society. That's a big difference.

I can certainly relate to the acting part 100% and being unsure of your true personality. As well as feeling like a robot. I have to spend my entire life acting, or else I just wouldn't really talk to anybody much. But I do not relate to the sociopath part at all... I do very much care for people and animals. I am selfish, as this is the case with many aspies, but I care for peoples well beings. I could never hurt or kill anybody without severe emotional trauma.

However, if someone wrongs me or someone I care deeply about... I am the first person to flick that switch and get justice. Whether it's getting ripped off at a store or someones being attacked in anyway, I often find myself the first to respond accordingly (My 6'2' - 200lbs stature is intimidating), whereas others are often afraid to act or their actions are very much delayed. So in these cases I can become numb and do what is needed to be done...

Got a lot of those traits myself. A prolonged sense of emptiness. Even when engaging in something I'm in to. Timely emotions very rarely sync up with the occasion.
Have learned the language on the NT so well I instinctively and without a lot of effort can easily pass my self off as one.
Though my motivations are never sinister. I find all aspects if the human condition fascinating. But not personality emotionally engaging.
Never been home sick
Never cried at a funeral
Never really missed anyone
Never jumped for joy at an occasion
(But faked all of the above)
Could not say Im a depressive. Just inwardly disconnected. Outwardly no one could tell.

i can relate to a lot of this, however it's not to a fault. If you're like me you're a perfectionist, people-pleaser, who doesn't want to offend anybody ever.

I'm very happy I'm not the only one who has had similar feelings. Like other people said, I love the world, it is fascinating how people act. I can be selfish though, and early on found manipulation way too easy to do by faking the emotions people want to see. I'm 22 and got out of the army (I was a medic) and Ill say that was an interesting job lol. Anyways, I don't like manipulating people because I want to be a moral person, but to counter that, if I have a goal in mind that I want to achieve I will do anything and everything I can to get that job accomplished even if I would have to lie, use, and manipulate people.

heres an example. In the military I wanted to deploy for the longest time, but every one kept getting canceled. I was dating my wife long distance (she is the furthest thing from an aspie) and when we got married and she moved across the country to be with me, they wanted to put me on a surprise deployment leaving to Afghanistan in 3 weeks. Normally I would be excited for that but my wife was going through depression issues(before she knew about the deployment), and I knew I was the only person there for her (she had potential suicide risk), so I made the decision in my mind that deploying was not an option for me (especially since there were 4 other medics wanting to take my place). So I tried being honest and truthful, but the army is a very ignorant place. Long story summarized: I ended up going to multiple sessions of counseling for my fake depression, and fake crying a million tears in my commanders office largely exaggerating issues going on. Because to me it didn't matter what they heard or what I did for them to hear it, only that my main moral objective was accomplished (not deploying to be with my wife who I felt needed me)

Also I do sometimes see myself with an attitude like the godfather (minus the whole family thing). Ill be friendly with you, but if I feel attacked or disrespected (I don't guess, and I give a million 2cd chances to everyone) I will ALWAYS say something. If it continues I have no problems to burn a bridge and never look back and enjoy saying no if they want my help again. ( I don't do that with my wife though, because of course its a different relationship)

I can relate to this entirely. I grew up in an abusive household where mistakes were never OK and social status was revered, and I became an actor almost 24/7. I was so good at it that for a while I felt like I was only characters and didn't know who I really was. This made me scared I would be found out, so I tried even harder. It wasn't until things got bad, I burnt out, and realized I had Aspergers that things started to make sense. It took me a while to really collect and rediscover myself, and a big part of it was accepting my own flaws and learning that it's OK to be me and not someone else. It's taken a long time and is ongoing, and I had to sacrifice a few things I had going for me, but the things I sacrificed never really brought me fulfillment--they were what I thought I was supposed to want, not what I actually wanted (elevated social status for example).

I realized I would never be truly happy unless I was honest with myself, and that meant taking a break from acting. It also meant taking a break from family (and moving far away from many of them). I think it's really good that you have realized this about yourself--just be sure to keep trying to understand who you really are. I also think it's important to recognize that you aren't a sociopath because of how you feel about all this, but your ability to not care as long as your objective is met is something that could become something else. An adeptness for manipulation, poor sense of self, and a willingness to burn bridges (possibly black and white thinking, someone is either good or bad?) is heading into dangerous territory. I can't say for sure what is down that road, but it treads dangerously close to a condition you DON'T want to have. Just never lose faith in your ability to become a better person. I hope I'm not being too forward--it's just that I can relate so much to what you have written.