Do we have a barrier between us and other people?

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There's a distance between me and everyone else in the world. No matter how much I liked a friend or how much time we spent together this never changed. With other friends they could laugh and have fun and sync up to each other's wave length. But I can't get lost in another person. I'm firmly planted in myself at all times.

Seems I've been this way since childhood. My mom told me that as a kid I would talk to strangers instead of friends. When she asked me why I said, "I already know those people." From a young age my idea of relationships was simply knowing the person. Not getting closer to them and forming a strong bond.

Then in 5th grade the girl I had a crush on had her friend tell me if I asked her out that she'd say yes. But the idea of dating seemed to be beyond my imagination. All I wanted was to be around her a little at school. To smile at her and do little nice things for her if I could. When we sat near each other while watching documentaries in class I was the happiest kid. Dating though? That was the furthest thing from my mind.

Does anyone else feel as if they've always been limited in how close they can get to people? Like even if you wanted to let people in you couldn't? That no matter how much you loved someone you could never truly share your self? As if you're locked in your own world and you can't get others in? And you can't go into their world?

Yes there is always a barrier, no matter how much I like or care for someone. Also I get bored and annoyed very quickly by the stream of information. With most people I feel I know everything I need to know about them in a few hours, especially NT's who are always so eager to tell you all about themselves. And then tell you all over again.

def not the only one I have the same problem

I have felt this way with most people, but not all people.

Very, very, very few do I feel like I "connect" with in what potentially could be an emotionally intimate way. And by very, very few I mean less than 5 in my whole life. That is not many considering that I've had interaction with thousands of people (school, church, work, music stuff, stores - I didn't talk to all those people, just making it clear than in our lives we do interact with thousands of people in various ways.) And my husband only in my adult life. Sometimes, I don't feel like I even fully connect with my birth family, though I connect more with my husband and kids.

A few things I want to know:

1. Is this barrier feeling true for all Aspies?
2. Do all NTs feel like they need to talk about themselves?
3. Do any Aspies want to share themselves?
4. Why does the barrier exist (if someone wishes it didn't)? Is it due to fear or something else? I don't mean disinterest.
5. Do any NTs ever feel like they have no one they connect with?

Yes, that feeling is an ASD thing.

Or anyway, it's a various disorder thing. I am capable of feeling connections with people, but only select people.

ALL the people I end up feeling a connection with "have" something. ASD, ADHD, depression, and/or some form of anxiety disorder seem to be the most common.

I can understand why we wouldn't connect with "normal" people. What basis would there be for connection?? We have very little in common.

Precisely. I know what you mean and although this 'distance' is very real, it is hard to otherwise describe. I might be good at interacting with quasi-strangers, such as the bank teller, the travel agent with whom I booked my ticket, etc. I almost solely rely on their interaction, because there is no one else (at least not now). Because I've moved a lot, especially within the past 4 years or so, making a friend seems practically impossible. I am shy/quiet, but I do have nice manners - I just don't have any friends.

BuyerBeware, that's a good point. Sometimes I especially get along with 'super neurotypicals', those who are exceptionally emphatic. Otherwise there is no commonality.

I would say that I have always had this wall. Another thing is never feeling like I really know people.. I remember in high school, dating this boy and even after having him tell me everything about him, still not feeling like I knew him.... It was like all those things were just facts and did not help me really feel like I understood him. I have had one person in my life (a teacher) whom I felt I really connected with.. We would always get the same jokes, laugh at the same time etc. What was great about her was that she understood how to "get me" and interact with me-- ex: She would always be very straightforward about things (very rare in today's world). However, I have yet to find anyone else who is on my wavelength that I can connect with. It's like everyone else is on a higher or lower frequency than I am, and I can't tune into them.. if that makes sense. Even if I think we are getting along fine, they never treat me like their "normal" friends.

Unrequited like is bitterly hard to face.....

For a recent example (one of many!), there was a lab member that I genuinely liked. Approaching her with friendliness, I'd suggested that we could have coffee downstairs sometime. Now, lab member was nice to me and we did get along and all.....but never to be friends. Yes, this lab member was friends with others within the group, just not me. They'd even chat about their get-togethers with each other. Plus, they knew I was new to the area and was welcoming of any offers for friendship. It really hurts to be excluded.

LabPet I too have just had something like that happen to me with someone I've known a long time it's a horrible feeling in fact it's made me not want be bother with people now I'd rather just be alone as most people don't understand us in fact thay can't thay can only try to and most won't take the time to do that

For me, it feels like emotional window shopping. you can look all you want, but you can't touch. and what you're looking at doesn't notice your there.

I think this distance gets interpreted reflexively - any one autistic persons' reactions towards isolation in public or among anyone else really, could essentially just bounce off everyone elses' psyches; when one of us senses confusion or danger, it might well be contagious, just like yawns...

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I tend to go to one extreme or the other...cordial distance or intense closeness. I just don't do well with the in-between stuff. And seems like most people want things to be somewhere in-between. If you seem too distant or remote or standoffish they dismiss you, or become offended, or else they can become pushy in the attempt to break down the barrier. When I want to be close to someone, it is frustrating because the other person is usually not as engaged in it as I am. And if a person doesn't engage me full-on, in a routine way, I become distant, because I don't know how to sustain a connection that is casual or infrequent.

I believe you are describing the effects of the hive-mind in relation to yourself.
Technically I think you are experiencing the lack of the hive mind, or your ability to connect up to it.

The hive mind is an extremely invasive set of software that is hosted inside human imagination. Certain brain types cannot link up to it due to filters that sort the conceptual world from the real world.
Some people cannot link up, but can do a decent job of simulating the software, - enough to get by socially.

This lack or deficit of ability to connect to the hive mind can be considered a barrier, but there's also another more significant barrier present. The software set of the hive mind has evolved an immune system (defenses) in order to protect from any threat.

Threats include competing memes (ideas), algorithms which are not self-serving, individuals who reject group-think (free thinkers), and those individuals who cannot host the hive software, and therefore cannot spread it.

By "not self-serving" I mean any algorithm that is not designed for self-preservation of itself, and those algorithms it integrates with. Hive software has its own best interest, which is to preserve and spread itself, not the best interest of the individual host.