why is it so hard to fit in with aspies

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I have learned that my NT traits are obvious. People even noticed it and told me. I have to admit, i do look and act like an NT. Sometimes I wonder if I should tell people upfront or not.

I notice when I go to places like asperger's meetings and nationally renowned autism forums to hang out with some friends whom have AS more then I do, they can be really intolerant of my social skills. It makes me feel akward. Its hard dealing with the fact that making friends and fitting in is a struggle. I have to learn to not make eye contact, change subjects, or stick with only one subject, and take things literally. Do you think the reason why its hard to fit in is because they see me as an NT? Also do you think it's also because NT is hard to understand and doctors havent done much research on it yet?

Last edited by infilove on 18 Jul 2014, 1:33 pm, edited 12 times in total.

Huh, has this been asked before by another user? Deja vu.


http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt263325.html


EDIT: The OP had copied and pasted Jamsey's post and then edited it.

Last edited by League_Girl on 18 Jul 2014, 6:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Leaning to find my place I have gone through an emotional roller coaster.

I should have been banned from this forum but I was not and I am thankful.

What I have learned is there are some things in life you just have to work out for yourself.

It's actually the opposite. The one guy (Jamesy) complains that other autistics dislike him for looking/behaving too "autistic", and the poster here claims that he's disliked by other autistics for looking/behaving not autistic enough (that is, appearing "NT").

I act NT but I can just sort of regress back when necessary, the only thing I can't lose is the sense of humor about taking things too literally and a play on words which I don't think is a particularly Aspie habit but it stems from the fact that I don't always understand what people are saying because my ears are dyslexic so I think for me that's how I am and I don't mind getting strange reactions from my friends on the spectrum.

i noticed when i was in a group home and had the guy next to me who also had aspergers, we were too much a like (even born the same month, only 2 days apart). we had a bunch in common, and even to the annoying parts, we would quite often "get into it". so sometimes being too much alike can make it where you're not compatible in friendship-wise. we can relate, and have simular personalities and issues, but thats not the entire equation of what can make a friend.

and yup, word play LOL! i had that happen just yesterday when someone over the phone said to me "you still know where i stand on this." and i couldnt catch the giggle before it came out (even tho it was a serious conversation), i had an instant image of her standing on top of her phone and trying to balance and trying not to fall off of it. lol

Aspies are a really diverse group of people. Some of us have learnt how to appear NT while others haven't. I cant generally express or sustain interest in topics which dont interest me but can talk for hours about things that do interest me. I used to take things literally but ive since stopped that for the most part though I do ocassionally slip up. What you describe sounds like one portion of the aspie community unless im taking that too literally and those are just examples

and clichie games I saw in the "gay community" especially earlier on when being gay was a lot less socially acceptable as it these days. There was a certain tension between the obviously flamboyant effeminate types who were more stereotypically gay than those who looked and acted more straight to the extent that almost everyone presumed they were until they heard otherwise.

But I think it is in the interest of the Neurodiverse to maximize their skills at interacting with the Neurotypical world. After all if I'm going to be nervous, obsessive and stressed out, anyway - I might's as well be nervous, obsessive and stressed out actually doing things I want to do rather than being nervous, obsessive and stressed out sitting in a room all by myself doing nothing.

A lot of people think I am NT, and think that there is nothing odd about me. They see me as a quiet, polite person.

This is because I have learned how to not offend over the years, and not appear out of place, which for me involves not talking much.

The more I talk with NTs, the more the illusion of 'NT-ness' is broken.


Still, I wouldn't spend too much time with any AS person who is intolerant of you and your behaviors. It's not exactly the moral high-road for them to exclude you, and it's exactly the behavior AS people complain about when dealing with NTs.

The OP edited the post. It said exactly what Jamesy had written and then he edited it.

When I saw it he had edited it 5 times, and there was a rest of Jamesy's post in it, but the beginning was about being seen as too NT. My guess is the OP used Jamesy's post as a start because he noticed that his own experience was the opposite, but then he tried to change it to fit his situation. He posted before he had made all the changes, so he had to edit. He seems to have a hard time expressing himself. By now he has edited the post 12 times.

We're not hard to fit in with. We're an acquired taste!

i do that, lol.