My therapist is abusing me.

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Joined: 26 Dec 2011
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23 Oct 2014, 10:39 pm

You're 18 years old and you are within your legal rights to leave this therapist and find someone who will care about you more than this stupid therapist you are seeing now. Now is the time to find someone who will understand and not abuse their position.

tall-p
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23 Oct 2014, 11:01 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:

tall-p wrote:

Who_Am_I wrote:

Big difference between "Aw, you poor darling, blah blah blah" and telling her that what she says is "nonsense, ret*d, BS, etc.". If you think the latter is even slightly appropriate, I hope you never, ever work with people. Ever.

Her therapist is refusing to feel sorry for her, in my opinion. He wants her to have courage... be brave, and face down her demons.

Surely, then, a better way of putting things would be "be brave, have courage, face down your demons!".

Maybe... maybe not. This therapist is not going to buy into her misery. She is going to have to come from somewhere else to reach him. He is forcing her to feel it. Being "nice" for one second will shatter that whole... Gestalt.

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Last edited by tall-p on 23 Oct 2014, 11:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

dianthus
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23 Oct 2014, 11:04 pm

Don't record the therapist. You could get in legal trouble and it's not worth the fight. Just don't go back there. No one can force you to go if you don't want to.

Who_Am_I wrote:

tall-p wrote:

I like your posts about you and your therapist because they are so immediate and they are very authentic. I really want to encourage you to stick with him. The years between 17- 23 are hard for everyone. These years are all about existential anxiety + sex. Who am I going to be? What am I going to be? Who is going to love me, and who am I going to love? How am I going to pay my way? This therapist is looking for your strengths, and he's NEVER going to say, "Aw, poor darling, you have a broken wing and you will never fly."

Seconded.

Dantac
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23 Oct 2014, 11:16 pm

That's terrible OP. No therapist should behave like that!

As others have said, record this animal in secret for a couple of sessions. Once you have that you will have actual evidence to show your parents or police/lawyer or whomever you choose to inform to help you.

If you're still in high school speak to your school counselor and tell him/her of how this therapist treats you. Only after they respond to you, if it seems like they don't believe you, play them a copy (never carry the original with you, HIDE it well) of it.

DVCal
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23 Oct 2014, 11:31 pm

I should calify on legality of recording. OP if you DO NOT live in the following states:

California, Connecticut, Florida, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Montana, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania and Washington.

Then it is LEGAL for you to record the therapist. ONLY the above states require all parties to consent to being recorded.

IAmTheCatalyst
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24 Oct 2014, 12:13 am

Who_Am_I wrote:

tall-p wrote:

Girlwithaspergers wrote:

<snip> my dad insists that I "need help" and forces me to go <snip> even though I have panic attacks and bad behavior mainly around the day of my appt. My dad critisizes the therapists that I got along with because they "let me talk about stupid things" this therapist will not even listen to my problems. He says "that isn't relevant" when it's something important to me. I tried to tell him that he should give me advice and coping skills to address the sources of the bad emotion but he ignored me and says I "just have to deal with it and hold all the emotions in for the rest of my life" and "behave like a socially accepted adult" I tried to tell him that a person can't hold bad feelings in forever and that's how stuff like Newtown and suicide happens. He said this was a lie and that I should do what's accepted and behave like everyone else. He told me I act like an 11 year old or a 2 year old depending on the day. He tells me I should be social and do everything everyone does and shut my mouth and "just get over my anxiety" He said for me to stop talking about anxiety and that I'm making it up. He also said that I should cook and clean if I don't want a job. He threatened to make me a ward of the state a bunch of times but when I've begged him to do so after dealing with things at home he says no to that then. One day I was so mad too mad to talk so I wanted to write things down and he kept asking me if I was done, saying I was taking too long, tried to grab the clipboard away from me, then he made fun of my penmanship and my grammar and said everything I wrote was either irrelevant or a blatant lie. Then he yelled and kicked me out so he could talk to my parents and spread who knows what gossip about me. One time he asked me about my potential bf (who he pushed me into contacting) and wanted to know his name bc he was curious if he knew him or if he was another patient. He even tells personal info of other patients and where they go to school likf wtaf

Thrice agreed with Who_Am_I. That is absolutely horrific. Sounds similar to the kind of mental abuse my aunt put me through for years. You need to find help, ANY WAY you possibly can. If legal in your state then record it, as others suggested.

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24 Oct 2014, 1:06 am

Girlwithaspergers wrote:

My therapist laughs in my face, says that everything I say is "nonsense, ret*d, BS, etc." He then lies about saying it.

Between this and all the rest you wrote, including accusation of liking child pornography, I think you should continue going - and bring some sort of micro recorder. Record him secretly and reveal what he's doing to others. This does not sound like a therapist anyone should go to.

Oh and if you do this, don't get in his face the moment you think you have on tape what he's like. Make sure the recording is good (clear), so you have a good case.

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ASPartOfMe
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24 Oct 2014, 5:40 am

Beside be abusive bullying both the therapist and dad is trying to make her who she is not, a very social uber neurotypical person. Acting nuerotypical for periods of time is good if a person wants to do it for a job, not to weird out people you care about. Motivation for change should be positive, just doing something to get people off your back is ultimately damaging and can't work as well as positive motivation.

I would advise the OP to completely leave, even if that means being words of the state for a period of time.

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886
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24 Oct 2014, 5:57 am

This therapist sounds like someone who's never dealt with autism in their life. I'd find a new one, and if you told your parents the same things you've told us there's no reason why they wouldn't agree.

You need a therapist who wants to help you cope with anxiety, not make you "normal"

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Jono
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24 Oct 2014, 6:25 am

886 wrote:

Oh, I think her parents will disagree. Based on what she's said, she has already told them a number of times and they don't believe her. If I were her, I'd bring a hidden tape recorder the next time I go to the therapist.

Andrejake
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24 Oct 2014, 9:34 am

Yeah, secretly recording a session may be your best option.
If, for any unimaginable/irrational reason your parents still try to force you to go after they see how he treats you, just refuse to go. You have the right to do it.

DVCal
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24 Oct 2014, 9:40 am

Remember OP don't record the session unless you live in a state were that is legal.

Ganondox
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24 Oct 2014, 12:19 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:

I fail to see how encouraging someone to be more social, which is actually often good advice for someone with autism, equates to turning someone into a "very social uber neurotypical person".

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24 Oct 2014, 12:55 pm

I'm so sorry, Girlwithaspergers....it's heartbreaking when those we trust (and we don't trust many) use our trust to injure us where we are most vulnerable. *BIG HUGS* :heart: You are an amazing young woman, and the way you live your life is, quite frankly, NONE of your therapist's business.

By all means, tape record anything your therapist says - whether it's with a hidden recorder or mic, or even your phone. And yes, if you are 18 or over, you CAN stop going to see him/her...no one can make you, nor should they try, after what you've been through.

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24 Oct 2014, 1:29 pm

Could not disagree with Tall-p more.

This is abuse in the guise of therapy and the therapist needs to be exposed and barred from further practice by the APA/State authorities. If you are not unlucky enough to live in one of the states DVCal identified, please use a recorder to expose this jerk--you will be protecting other vulnerable children as well as yourself.

Jono
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24 Oct 2014, 1:42 pm

Ganondox wrote:

ASPartOfMe wrote:

I fail to see how encouraging someone to be more social, which is actually often good advice for someone with autism, equates to turning someone into a "very social uber neurotypical person".

If you read the OP's original post, you'll see that the therapist is actually doing more than just encouraging her to be more social. The therapist is actually dismissing all of her issues instead of addressing them and at one point even accused her of accessing child porn when when she wasn't and that's not what she told him. Furthermore, the therapist is not actually helping her, it sounds like he has no experience with autism whatsoever.

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