Mom of recently diagnosed 14 yr. boy - would like to talk

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That is good about dealing with the minecraft addiction.
It is fine to play games for fun, but games can also become a form of easy escapism and suck the life out of a person.

Hi Momofteenaspie, I'm a 38 YO aspie, and I can very strongly relate to what your son may be experiencing. I have a measured high IQ, not so good executive functioning. I'll let you know how it went for me to hopefully reassure you.

School years:

* I had terrible executive functioning, I literally could not remember to do anything.
* I was really awful at studying, I just could not see the point. The only think I liked was computers and I just wanted to muck around with them all day and all night.
* I had a few friends who also liked computers, but apart from that everyone else pretty much ignored me.

University years

* I was an absolute washout. I could not get to classes, do exercises, or get out of bed in the morning. I was only interested in what interested me. I Dropped out, big regret, but with hindsight I needed to make mistakes.

Early jobs

* I left university and became a waiter, a traveller, and later a nurse. I started to become OK at living.

Back to University

* So I realised that life sucks without a degree. I finally understood the point of study. Studied computing with maximum force and aced it.

Proper jobs

* Started to work as a programmer. Left and founded own company, now I work as a consultant, people pay me to come and tell them what to do. It's pretty cool.
* Also married with 3 lovely kids. My wife organises me and buys me clothes. I put money in the bank, it works pretty well.

So overall it's been a long road and I had to make a whole bunch of mistakes, but it's worked out pretty well.

I wish you the best of luck.

I am quite verbal... except when I am not. I started talking at 3 by using one word for everything. Six months later I was using small phrases. Then I developed verbally quite quickly. Now I am positively verbose. But when I am under stress, frustrated, or am in any way at emotional odds with or otherwise upset by someone in front of me, my words do stop. If I need to say something complex, like express an abstract thought or concept, or idea, I open my mouth to talk but often it takes me at least 10 pregnant seconds or more before I can say any of my thoughts out loud. I play out the words in my mind, and it is not until the words I come up with seem right that I can say... a sentence. Haltingly. With tics and stimming and everything, too, depending on the stakes and my perception of the mood and tone of the room/audience, and the environment in general. Usually once I get going I can keep it up okay, or if I can't, I try to keep it short. As far as when I simply can't talk, other things within myself and my response to my environment and how all that is affecting me are preoccupying my attention so much that I am not even thinking about why I can't form words so I have never really thought about it. So when I do become temporarily nonverbal, I do not know why I can't talk, I just can't. I know this though.... those who choose to spend time with me rather quickly learn it is counterproductive, even destructive, to try and make me try. As far as writing goes, people have been telling me I am gifted at it since I can remember. I think it could be that it is a solitary activity, so no social pressure (except perhaps in the abstract, so no present, concrete, "this is happening right here in front of me right now and people are forming opinions of me as I do it" social pressure), and I don't knbow about others, but I am also doing it in an environment I feel very comfortable in... by myself, in my home, with my smells, my sounds, my distractions, etc. and no one else's. That might explain part of the reason. Also, doesn't writing light up different parts of the brain than social speaking? Just wondering.

I didn't diagnose myself until I was 31, but I might be able to relate a few things. My interest was in art, but my parents didn't want to send me to a special arts high school, they tell me now they were afraid of drugs. Which is ret*d. Drugs are everywhere, and I certainly took my share when I got to college. They wanted me to have a well rounded education, which is see in retrospect was a bad move. I needed specialization. It was the same in college. I hated all my classes except for philosophy and art, I was an art major. This gave me a very poor grade point average, but it didn't matter in the end. I have a good career now, and I'm independent. It might take the average aspie some time to find their niche.

It sounds like you are doing everything right. Don't worry too much about his development in relation to other people. He might not have much success in love or marriage, but don't worry about that either.

" It makes me sad when it can't be overcome and it's not your fault and not in your power to expericene success in mutual love and commitment. Again , it's not fair."

Um, while the relationship didn't exactly go anywhere because the girl didn't want to be committed to anyone (while she is NT, in many ways she is more aspie than I am) and because of the timing, I've been in a romantic relationship with mutual love that I'd consider to not exactly be a failure. While I moved away from her, we are still intimate friends. I am in the power to experience success, whatever the problem is that you are thinking about it either can be overcome, or it's not as absolute as you think it is.

Also, I've never been on any drugs ever, not sure if Ritalin would have helped me or not. I think I'm doing pretty okay, but I definitely have executive functioning problems.

Well wait for the time when it comes that he is forced to swallow his pride and ask for help.

The word "ret*d" is NOT okay. Here are some reasons if you care to educate yourself on the offensiveness of this word (they are links)

Spread the Word to End the Word
Advocates Explain Why the R Word Is So Hurtful

I highly recommend you watch the following as well:

Not Acceptable: R-Word
End the Word
Working to End the R Word
Stop the Word

I will be waiting for your reply, and hopefully a different tone as well. I would like to also say that I am disappointed to see this here. Especially here. I do hope you will reconsider your attitude regarding this matter. Again, I await your reply.

There are worse things than a child who manipulates others as a way of trying to regain their agency, like a child who just gives up and becomes depressed. The school is supposed to be helping you, if your son has executive functioning issues, then make the school understand piling hours of homework on him is not helping your son learn. If anything ovewhelming someone on the Autism spectrum leads to depression and learned helplessness, feeling there's no point in trying because they will fail. Try including your son's interests in his homework. You might learn Minecraft is more than just a waste of time, and it'll help him be interested in his homework.

You need support. Referring to him as "the little darling" shows that your own frustration level and executive functioning are compromised. I agree with the previous poster; Minecraft is probably more than an outlet, addiction or coping mechanism. You are not going to see a maturity spurt, at least not a sustainable one. You can coerce cooperation, but I promise you it will come at a high price eventually. Stop thinking that with effort you can overcome whatever limitations you perceive on YOUR time, or methods; any lasting change or improvement will come slowly and on HIS time. Or continue taking solace in the affirming comments of self-diagnosed "aspies" or whatever. It is your life and he is your son. But don't kid yourself. I believe you do want what is best for your son, but I think you are being a bit naive and/or arrogant. I think you need outside support besides a message board to avoid doing more harm than good.

I find it infuriating how people call Aspies' interests addictions or obsession. So NTs can have hobbies, but people on the spectrum should have their interests regarded negatively since they only exist to obey? Is it any wonder depression is so common among those on the Autism spectrum? We're only treated with respect if we perform well, we have to earn the right to our interests. That's psychological abuse imo.